For those not in the know, Shawon Dunston is eligible for the Baseball Hall of Fame this year. Simply put, Dunston must check into the Hall of Fame because he oozes sheer awesome and had great gimmicks.
Dunston: It is customary in our culture that bear cubs must teabag cardinals.
Shawon Dunston played 17 seasons for 6 teams ( Cubs, Giants, Pirates, Mets, Cardinals, and Indians). It was with those lovable losers, the Chicago Cubs that Shawon Dunston became so cool he wore his sunglasses at night.
We all know that Shawon Dunston had the nickname Rifleman because he could throw 98 M.P.H from his shortstop position. That’s just one reason why fans loved Dunston. Behold! The Shawon-O-Meter!!!
The Majestic Shawon-O-Meter is as legendary in Wrigley Field as the bleacher bums and the ivy. The meter helped Shawon keep track of his batting average and awesomness. Simply put, no meter-no peace.
Shawon Dunston: Awesome comes in slurpee form!
That’s not all. For you see, Mr. Dunston liked to have nice stats in other ways as well. For example, Shawon Dunston liked to steal bases. Granted, he was no Ricky Henderson, but the Hamburglar of the Diamond stole 30 bases in a season TWICE! When Shawon was told of this great accomplishment he was prone to grimacing and yelling Rubble Rubble!
These facts are self-evident and true. Shawon Dunston must be checked into the Hall of Fame POST HASTE! We all know that the sportswriters who didn’t vote for Shawon are just jealous of his ability to be a slurpee coin.
ELVI!
The Grand National Championships 
True story, while driving on Highway 880 in the Bay Area, my brother saw a car tailgating an SUV during a traffic jam. Tired of the tailgater, the SUV completely stopped, and the driver got out of the car to confront the tailgater. The driver was pissed, and was ready to put an ass whooping to the tailgater, that is until the tailgater got scared and was able to drive away. Who was that driver of the SUV? One SHAWON DUNSTON. This, and this reason alone, should put Dunston in the hall of fame.
Comment by Jordan — January 3, 2008 @ 4:26 pm |