Derrick Turnbow needs to go.

Flat out.

And I’m not saying this because he sucks, because he is what he is. A power pitcher who could never consistently find the plate. But in Milwaukee? He is a failure. An ex-closer. A representation of the problems that Ned Yost has had with the bullpen.

In short?

I need a change of scenery!

Why? Because he’s scuffling badly. I mean really. Let’s break the numbers down.

6 1/3 IP, 12 H, 11 ER, 13 BB, 5 K. Sucks right? But what’s that in numerical form?

15.63 ERA, 3.947 WHIP. Yeah. It’s another run of bad for Derrick Turnbow. And we’ve seen it last, haven’t we kids?

He needs a change of scenery, and we need a random minor leaguer.

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Dear Readers,

The Month of April had you looking at our website for 73,636 pageviews. That blew every other month we’ve had out of the water. And if you’re wondering why?

Clearly, it’s because we’re putting up photos of women. Not the Matt Fraction interview. Not the draft coverage. Not even the classic posts of the Tigers. It’s because we have pretty girls doing stuff.

Yes. Partying dudes and nerds. Because this last month was so awesome. One more for the road, amirite?

That’s Rachael Nichols a.k.a. Scarlett in the childhood raping remake of GI Joe. I’ll let you decide if she’s more attractive than Rachael Nichols.

Yeah. I’m moving on. I suggest you do the same.

Listen, I know that this is hindsight.

I know that this is 20/20 vision. However? This is something that needs to be said.

You’re the Milwaukee Bucks. You’re a team that has a severe inability to play defense. You’re a team with an excellent passing big man and an offensively talented 4. You have a point guard who turned his cup of coffee into some double mocha cat pooped out java beans. You have a point guard who can put the biscuit in the basket. You have a reasonably good 4/tradable asset in Charlie Villanueva. And you have an overpaid World B. Free styled bomber in Mr. Michael Redd.

And your bench is chock full of untradable contracts. It’s easy to be awful in obscurity, am I right?

But it’s no fun. So the Bucks rolled up in here with a new GM. And they fired Larry Krystowiak. Yep. It’s a rebuilding session.

But here’s where we come in. You have a good offensive team with no defensive skills. So who do you need to hire? A coach that can work with the personnel? Or a coach that will try and change the framework of the team.

Your Milwaukee Bucks went for B. Now, B has been able to do some things for teams before he got canned. But he burns out quickly. He is Scott Skiles.

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! PEOPLE FEAR ME!

I do like Mr. Scott Skiles. He gets a lot out of his talent. And considering your Dan Gadzurics and Bobby Simmons aren’t going anywhere. The Bucks could use a guy like that. But here’s the thing?

Don’t the Bucks have feelers? There were rumors that three Western Conference playoff coaches were going to be out of a job. One would be comedic for the Bucks to hire.

One would out-Skiles Skiles.

But the guy who could actually work with this roster? I know it’s crazy. I know it’s illogical. But give me this.

If Mike D’Antoni’s mustache does not land him an awesome gig somewhere else, I don’t believe in love anymore.

I’ll say this for Shawn Kemp…

The Reign Man may have been a player who could never use a condom, as certain blog t-shirts have been known to tell you.

But unlike Karl Malone? Kemp did not go ape for the seemingly great taste of statutory rape.

And considering his status of superstardom and his predelictions? That right there is certifiably Ghandi. Shawn Kemp is an American Hero.

(Not to say that he ever really was to begin with? But babymaking and drugs and a gun charge is a lot better than juicing, general assholishness, and statutory rape.)

A DUNK FOR HEROISM!

 

 

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care, care, care anymore.

If you’ve read any sort of a sportsblog today, you know that Deadspin Editor Will Leitch got attacked by a crazed Pulitzer Prize winner last night on Costas Now. You know what else?

I don’t really give a shit.

I mean really. This isn’t some Epic battle of good versus evil. This is Rap Music in 1992. This is Rock and Roll in the mid-1950’s. And so on and so on and so on. Sure, nobody in the Mainstream Music Media said Dr. Dre creates beats in his underwear from his parents basement, but that’s beside the point.

Bissinger is just on the wrong side of the fence, which is a shame, because he’s too rich to really have to give a shit about this. He’s not one of those sports columnists who bring nothing to the table outside of yelling at sports. The blogosphere is not the migrant worker that can do his job for pennies on the dollar.

Then again, ego is a funny thing. If you’re great at something, you feel a sense of professional pride on it. Tom Shales probably blanches at unpaid writings of television criticism. Hunter S. Thompson would probably have sent death threats to anyone who would dare throw bombs in areas that he once wrote about. And Buzz Bissinger isn’t the only one qualified on sports writing.

I mean, I can name you ten websites that provide intriguing points of view about sports in general and sports in particular. (Point of fact? The NBA Blogfrica is scary good.) And when you have that sort of talent brusing up against the fevered egos of the hack sports columnist? You get a certain amount of “How Dare They?” Same as what Tommy Dorsey felt when Elvis made his way onto the scene.

And that’s what brings us back to do.

(And for the record? This was posted in my underwear from my basement apartment.)

You won’t believe who is annoyed with Brian Brohm on the Packers either…

• Hey, asshats: JUST BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING FAVRE DOESN’T MEAN HE HAS THE ARM, THE HEART, OR THE TASTY BALLS THAT FAVRE WOULD RATION SO GRACIOUSLY TO ALL OF YOU. Oh, ESPECIALLY you assholes in the media. How much do you want to bet that old PK writes at least one homoerotic piece on this jagoff in the next month? If he can get through it without calling him “scrumptious” I’ll be fucking amazed.
  

Thank you.

UPDATE: You want to know one of the things that I love? When me linking to something provides me with 22 times as many hits as me giving the link comes back to them.

Yeah. I suck at this going on hiatus thing.

Now I don’t want any more shenanigans…

I was taking a hiatus from the Blogfrica, but Brian Brohm homers won’t leave me be.

If you have an issue? I shall provide you with aestitically pleasing people…

For the Ladies?

For the dudes?

I’ll get back when I get back. Play nice.

Dear Louisville Fan,

 
LOOK AT TEH KITTEH!

I understand that there is some consternation with my analyisis of young Mr. Brian Brohm. The fact of the matter is, two days after the selection we won’t know one thing about him. Obviously for the Louisville fan, he brought some spectacular moments to the city. As for me? I see a good college quarterback who was inflated by his supporting cast.

It’s a disagreement that inflamed some passions, yes? It as if I am Jay-Z and your boy is DeShawn Stevenson. And you know what? There are things about young Mr. Brohm that I do like. He has an ability to make good on-field decisions, and he was the best quarterback prospect in terms of the Wonderlic. He also can put a good touch on the ball.

But the fact remains, if everything breaks right in my eyes? And I do mean every damn thing?

He’s Brad Johnson. Brad Johnson may be the best upside of the second tier of QB’s? But he’s also nothing more than serviceable. But you know what?

I’m magnamimous. The first season Brian Brohm throws 200 passes, if he throws for above a 90 passer rating? I will admit I was wrong. If he makes the Pro Bowl? I will turn this into a Brian Brohm fansite for one day. 

But it won’t happen.

Love,

Andrew  

A quick question before I go on my blogcation.

Do you think that during the Barry Bonds controversy, Roger Clemens was laughing his ass off?

28 year olds having intercourse with 15 year olds is always a good decision, yeah?

Day 2 in Review…

Ted Thompson made a left turn into evil toward the end of this draft. Not schizo, but it broke bad after ol’ Double T dealt up. Let’s grade it out and dig deeper.

Here’s one last look at Day 1… 

3) Jermichael Finley (TE-Texas): B+ Admittedly, it’s a speculative play, but there’s a lot to like here. You can’t hate the pick for the slot.

4a) Jeremy Thompson (DE-Wake Forest): B- In shorts, he’s spectacular. On the field he can be. If the light goes all the way on?

4b) Josh Sitton (T-Central Florida): C+ He doesn’t have to bring anything to the table this year, but there’s something to like here.

5) Breno Giacomini (T-Louisville): F He’s a hard worker with a mean streak, but at this point, he brings little tangible to the table. If he’s on the roster, I will be surprised.

7a) Matt Flynn (QB-LSU): B+ He’s a better prospect than Brian Brohm. Sincerely.

7b) Brett Swain (WR-San Diego State): F Clearly, drafting a guy nobody’s heard of who needs two season ending injuries to even contend for a roster spot on this team is a good decision.

Day 1 Final Grade: B-
Day 2 Final Grade: D+ (Turning a mid 4th round pick into two wastes and a 3rd string quarterback, even if it’s one I like? That was stupid.)
Overall Draft Grade: C. (It’ll probably improve, but this day’s left a really sour taste in my mouth.)

Yeah. That’s all the draft talk you’re gonna get from me. I might return later.

But I’m done talking draft.