The Grand National Championships

June 10, 2008

I can pinpoint the exact moment I broke up with the NBA.

I was in the basement of my parents house. It was the NBA on NBC. It was the year after my Milwaukee Bucks got jobbed out in Game 7 (Putting Sam Cassell in foul trouble allowed for Allen Iverson going off). But if I was able to relax through Horace Grant fouling Kevin Johnson in the NBA Finals, and Michael Jordan getting one last offensive foul ignored as he pushed off on Byron Russell, I could fade my home team getting the shaft.

But in 2002, I broke up with the NBA. And I can pinpoint it down to the exact moment. It was like when I was watching Patriot Games and decided that Seth MacFarlane was nothing more than a hack who is in firm belief that his shit never stank. Put it this way, this was the minutes that felt like hours which took only seconds.

Lets set the scene. Game 6, the Lakers have found themselves on road to ruin. Sacramento, after many failings to win a series versus LA, (and were up 3-2 in this series) had led for most of the game, but suddenly? The Lakers started getting sent to the line, and had the lead. The Kings needed a stop. And with Mike Bibby on Kobe Bryant this play happened.

Kobe got trapped to the sideline. Bibby was covering him like a champion. Suddenly, Kobe swings his elbow and Bibby falls.

Dick Bavetta called the foul on Bibby.

I didn’t know the exact whys and wherefores statistically (27 4th quarter free throws for the Lakers), I didn’t know if there was a lack of twisted steel and sex appeal in a matchup between Chris Webber and Jason Kidd. I didn’t know that David Stern has the personality of Alan Dershowitz and the crulety of Michael Vick at Bad News Kennels. I just knew that the refs were corrupt, the Kings got jobbed, and I was done.

So why am I sharing this? It’s three hundred words on a phantom foul. There has to be a reason, right?

Well, yeah. Tim Dongahy says that two officials fixed this game. I’m not saying this to be surprised. It just feels nice to be right.

The Epicness comes later…

May 23, 2008

let’s be original.

 

YOU HAVE MY AXE!

AND MY BOW!

ELVI!

May 21, 2008

If you were in Cub Scouts you remember,”A Time To Tell”

Simply put it’s the best educational and informative movie about child sexual abuse ever.

[YOUTUBE=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxacV8b78tk]

BEST….TRAILER…EVER!!!!!

NEVER! EVER! SPILL PAINT IN THE GARAGE!

Max Weinberg in the early years…HAVE A COOKIE!

Is that what the kids call ‘NAMBLA”?

Is that MARIO LOPEZ???!!!

NEVER WATCH BETA WITH THE STEPDAD! THAT’S SICK!!! AND I TRUSTED YOU!

NEVER EVER CLEAN THE ATTIC!  THAT IS NOT FOR ME!

Don’t become a victim and know the signs people!

 

Best video ever.

ELVI!

 

 

May 15, 2008

This always makes me laugh. HAR HAR!

Elvi!

May 14, 2008

CUT A SLACK! I feel like Alexander Scrooge! YOU ARE NOT WITTICISM SIR!

Filed under: DOOOOOOOD...,Douchebaggery,Funny! Not Funny!,You sold out!,YouTubers! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 9:52 pm

This kid deserves your comments and views.

UPDATE: Looks like the man committed e-suicide on Video #10. Too bad he didn’t on his earlier works.

HE’S WEARING A WRISTBAND!

 

Elvi!

May 12, 2008

I present to you..COMEDY GLOD!

err Comedy GOLD!!!

Conan and Jordan Schlansky!

 

enjoy,

ELVI!

April 26, 2008

If you will kindly look upon this direction over here…

We will see…

 

AWESOME!


I always thought that smell yo dick! meant you needed a shower.
 

April 23, 2008

Behold! The Prodigal Son Has Returned!

GRANDY IS DANDY!

Granderson:  I’MMMMMM BAAAAAACCCCKKKK!! YAY!!!

Tonight, the Tigers of the city named Detroit played an aggressive game of baseball against the Rangers of Texas.  This was no ordinary game of baseball, for you see; Curtis “100 Grand” Granderson made his triumphiant return to Motown! 

yay!

Granderson:  I totally rock! LOL!

Granderson, with the city of Detroit firmly behind him; went 2-4 with two singles and 2 RBI’s.  Curtis Granderson is the catalyst for the Tigers.  As their lead off hitter, Granderson gives the Tigers the speed and man on base they’ve needed for the last three weeks.  On a team loaded with big hitters, Granderson is the cranberry sauce in a can for the Tiger’s Thanksgiving dinner.  Curtis is the glue that makes everything delicious and awesome about this year’s Detroit Tigers!

delicious

Cranberry Sauce:  RESPECT ME!  I MAKE THINGS DELICOUS!

Major League Baseball really, really needs to take notice of Mr. 100 Grand and begin promoting him and his awesome ways.  He could easily become the next Ken Griffey Jr.  Think about it this way Mr. Selig, when Curtis Granderson was doing his rehab starts in Grand Rapids, Michigan the team sold an additional 3000 tickets. 

All I can say is this, Thank you Curtis Granderson for making me care about the 2008 baseball season again!

 

ELVI!

April 8, 2008

Damn you Eric Wareheim

Filed under: *Sanjaya Wipe*,You sold out!,YouTubers! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 9:26 pm
Tags:

You make really, really good music videos.  I present to you

The Bird and the Bee,”Polite Dance Song”

March 26, 2008

I am INCOGNITO!

Filed under: *Sanjaya Wipe*,We don't need no stinkin' Mustaches!,You sold out! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 10:33 pm

mr-burns.jpg

You will never find me…unless you know who I be?

Elvi “Will there ever be a rainbow?” Patterson!

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