The Grand National Championships

May 31, 2007

So, I am a part-time substitute teacher…

And today I took the job for a guy who teaches Computers.

But there was a twist. He taught algebra 3rd block. And I got to drop my minimal knowledge on the Pythagorean Theorem. But somebody was interrupting. One of the “popular girls.” And after the third one.

“And how about you go to the office.” I said.

“Aww.” She said.

“Now PLZ K THX.” Said me.

And her friend was all, boo. And I was all, let’s go to work! Yes!

And cut to: 15 minutes later. Somebody was like, I’m just going to do this at home. And I was all “No.” And she was all “Yes.” And I was all. Gone! Banhammered K THX!

And LOL, first one was like, That dude’s a sub, fuck this shit! So they’re all truant now. And I was finding this hilarious. POWER TO THE POWERLESS LOL!

And then, two more people were all like, dunzo with 30 minutes to go. And I was all, lefty, you go! And the righty was all, I follow too!

“You like to give up easily, don’t you?” Original friend asked.

No. I realized I like to mess with 15 year olds. I have gone mad with minimal amounts of power! 

It was the greatest lesson that was ever taught to me.

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LeBron James and the Raging Inferno…IN HIS PANTS!

I hope he goes to the free clinic in his mansion for that.

The Go-To Joke…

Filed under: Brady!,Funny! Not Funny!,George Michael Hype Machine,Hecklings! — by Andrew @ 10:26 pm

It’s an easy laugh. Too easy. It takes no talent to make these. And you need to use this as a guide to tell you which blogs aren’t on their game.

1. ARod and his cheating (womanly): A-Rod…with a Girl?

2. Kobe: I thought anything I say or do in Colorado doesn’t count!

3. The 11 Year-Old “Hog Killer”: Who would have thought an Alabaman would prove trickiest of us all?

4. John Ameachi: I thought he was just British…

5. Brady Quinn: Likes the cock.

6. Manny Ramirez: A derivation of Manny being Manny.

7. Reche Caldwell: Has crack eyes!

8. David Stern: Rules the NBA with an iron fist! His league is faker than wrestling.

It’s the easy jokes that keep the blogging community down. Strive for more. Strive for better. Win hard!

Lesbians and home school kids make me giddy.

The spelling bee was today.  Usually I spend my day starting at noon with a case of PBR or High Life and take a sip everytime a kid spelled wrong while mocking said kid mercilessly.  This year was differnt.  The Bee caught me off guard!  I had no idea it was on and this perturbed me.  Last year, ESPN had coverage of the early rounds which helped me get my yearly fix of peach fuzz moustaches and bowl cuts.  Not to mention the nervous tics of the kids themselves which are priceless. 

 This year was differnt.  ESPN in their brillance decided to broadcast the softball world series.  ALL DAY!  So, instead of me being able to laugh and be drunk all day I had to watch ugh softball.  As much as I love watching lesbians I had my heart set on weirdo home school kids.  I am a very sad panda today.

Elvi. 

LeBron James is Jesus

Filed under: Evil David Stern,George Michael Hype Machine,NBA Found My Smile — by Andrew @ 10:13 pm

Cleveland 109
Detroit 107 Final 2 OT

25 straight. 29 0f the last 30. It is LeBron’s league. Everybody else is playing for second place.

He’s here. And NBA Memphistopheles is smiling as he pets his kitty cat.

The Vast Gay Conspiracy!

Filed under: *Sanjaya Wipe* — by Andrew @ 10:06 pm

“If there’s anyone to blame for size zero, it’s not women.  Blame gay men who work in the fashion industry and want these woman as dolls.”

Beth Ditto-The Gossip.

Nothing more needs to be said.

I don’t know what to think?

Think for me people. This is odd.

A Rose for the Shitty NL Teams…

Milwaukee 5
Florida 4

The Good: Won 2 of Last 3. JJ Hardy and Prince Fielder are still makin’ it great. Fransisco Cordero (and he can call himself Louise if he keeps this up). They played Corey Hart! And he went 3 for 4!

The Bad: Wes Obermueller had a quality start? Ryan Braun’s has not hit the ground running. Now it’s time to start wondering about Billy Hall. 6-14 in the last 20.

But all in all, this was just a good solid win.

To watch Tomorrow: Wither, blister, burn, and peel Derrick Turnbow?

LOL Telemarketers!

So when you’re losing the small donors in droves, and your equipment is essentially shitty…

Clearly, it’s the telemarketer’s fault…

The Republican National Committee, hit by a grass-roots donors’ rebellion over President Bush’s immigration policy, has fired all 65 of its telephone solicitors, Ralph Z. Hallow will report Friday in The Washington Times. 

    Faced with an estimated 40 percent fall-off in small-donor contributions and aging phone-bank equipment that the RNC said would cost too much to update, Anne Hathaway, the committee’s chief of staff, summoned the solicitations staff last week and told them they were out of work, effective immediately, the fired staffers told The Times. 

    The national committee yesterday confirmed the firings that took place more than a week ago, but denied that the move was motivated by declining donor response to phone solicitations.

This is what is known as changing the deck chairs on the titanic. Blame the telemarketers for the government policy. Yes. Logic in spades, hahaha!

May 30, 2007

Your haircut reeks of 1998 and Megan’s Law.

Filed under: *Sanjaya Wipe*,We don't need no stinkin' Mustaches!,Whoo! We Going Streaking! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 11:47 pm

Finally a smart move!!!

Basically, The bush adminstration has nominated Robert Zoellick as World Bank President. They feel this nomination will not be opposed. It’s good because Zoellick won’t have the same problems as Wolfowitz had with the ladies and having to pay them off.  Zoellick has this look about him. What kind of look you ask?  Well..he has this look that screams,”I am an effeminate southern boy who likes to get the vapors at the little league games”.  While Wolfowitz had to pay off the pussy we don’t need to worry about Zoellick because girls have cooties!

Elvi!

p.s.

here is Zoellick in his awesome glory.

Zoellick!

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