The Grand National Championships

March 31, 2008

Things I’ve Learned From Opening Day…

Filed under: BAYSBALL!,Boring Homerism,Braun Town! — by Andrew @ 8:33 pm

Well, that was fun eh? A bitchin’ pitchers duel blown up by a bad day from both closers.

What did we learn today? Let’s find out, shall we?

1) The Brewers have a bullpen problem.

Well, not officially, but the skittishness of the Brewers fan in regards to the late innings has gone from about a 5 to an 8. Sure, Eric Gagne was able to circle the wagons after the Fukudome homer, but the fact that this is coming off of a transcendant collapse in Boston. And all this for 10 million dollars? Sweet!

BIG DEAL PLAN!
BIG DEAL! I’M RICH!

2) Conversely, Lou Pinella may have to choke a bitch.

Spring training statistics mean nothing. Nothing. Now I’m not going to say that Kerry Wood is going to suck this year. I’m not going to say Carlos Marmol will be the aid that the Cubs need. And Bobby Howry may yet tone and tighten his statistics. But on this day? Kerry Wood got rocked with the game on the line. Put the Cubs bullpen anxiety at about a 3.

3) Kosuke Fukudome will be larger in Chicago than the Second City Comedy Troupe.

In fact, Saturday Night Live is scouting him to join the cast this fall. 

His Obama Impersonation will save face for the once proud Saturday Night Live Franchise.

4) Corey Hart is going to have a breakout season.

It’s as if I just hurt my arm in regards to patting myself on the back. Yeah, who called it? We did it!


WE LET THE DOGS OUT!

5) Jason Kendall is going to have to be this good defensively every day for me not to say he sucks.

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I DO SAY GOOD SIR, YOU ARE RATHER AWFUL!

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YES!

HOORAY FOR AFRICAN AMERICAN STEREOTYPE TAG TEAMS RETURNING TO MY TELEVISION!

THEY’RE VOTING OBAMA!

I think I’ve got myself into a dumb blog feud again.

Filed under: BAYSBALL!,Boring Homerism — by Andrew @ 12:00 pm

Luckily it’s less big then when I would fire off insults at the greatest humor-based sports blog off all time.

But put it this way? I think I’m out of the secret cabal of Brewers fans who like to Wet Their Pants. But I am too much of a Chris Capuano fan to let their shenanigans stand.

They broke his Segway!

March 30, 2008

In which I get tripped up by the lowest hurdle.

Now I make an effort to be zen about life and the way things go. Sure, it does not always work and there are things that I am going to forever be hating. I’m human. But I’m able to deal with the unpopular in life very easily.

Like take my non-teaching OTHER JOB. I worked that today. Caught the Davidson-Kansas game (which saved Elvi Patterson in our highly unpopular bracket pool, but that’s neither here nor there). Why I am here is because of the Sports Talk Radio that rolled up on me after Tommy Tigue signed off.

Did you know Denny Hocking has a radio show? And it’s a National one! Normally, I would pay no mind to how a .654 Career OPS does his radio show business, but let’s be honest.

He makes Sean Salisbury sound trenchant and witty with his bon mots.

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I know, right? I was surprised too. Granted, he has always been difficult to listen to because his voice reminded me of my 8th grade teacher in regards to the Environmental Sciences. That guy was a dick.

But tonight? Tonight forced my hand. Bad reception stuck me on the Fox Sports Radio feed. And I had to listen to Denny Hocking host a show with Rob Dibble.

But wait, it gets better.

You see, the dirty little secret in radio is that you have topics designed for action. An artful topic would have been something along the lines of “Having no cinderellas in the Final Four is the best thing that can happen for the NCAA Tournament.”

(See, because everybody would have been, “isn’t it awesome that Davidson went all the way to the Final Four?”)

Anyway, the massive brainpower that is team Hockble decided to go on a different tack. You see, Roy Williams was singing the praises of dear old Psycho T after he had a massive second half to take the Tar Heels to the Final Four. And being as Denny Hocking was a white middle infielder that couldn’t hit? He played at being offended.

“How can you say he’s the hardest worker EVER…that includes people like Michael Jordan!” Hocking would say in the 7:00 hour.

“That’s like comparing Ted Williams to a career minor leaguer!” Dibble would contribute in the 8:00 hour. Because, as we all know, comparing Ted Williams to Chris Coste is not even close to a straw man argument.

“I’m surprised Manny Acta didn’t say that Tyler Hansborough was the hardest worker I’ve ever seen!”- Hocking after Zimmerman hits a walk-off homer.

“Denny Hocking makes me want to hurt myself and others.” Me to Doug, the maintence guy. (I love you Doug!)

This is what is known as a catharsis. I will find a way to avoid having to deal with the mishagoes that is Denny Hocking and Rob Dibble.

But this is what will forever haunt me.

My birthday is April 2nd. Denny Hocking shares my birthday.

…this is something I cannot abide.

March 29, 2008

But you know what?

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 12:38 pm

I watched a movie today. And I know I’m propably not the first to tell you about this.

But now I know what all the fuss was about in that South Park Episode where Bono and Randy Marsh were battling for the biggest dump in the world.

Why? Because now I am on the Bandwagon of people that feel a need to tell you that King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters is one of the most awesome movies in the world.

Really. The documentary may start off slow, it does go in several directions at once. But once Steve officially breaks Billy’s record in a live setting, that’s when the ride really starts. And you find yourself entranced by the story as it goes onward and forward.

And the little button on the end of the movie actually had me cheering. Granted, the post below may have had something to do with that, but still. I’m watching this in a dinky basement apartment, I have neighbors. I have no reason to be all, whoo! Go clean cut guy, beat the crap out of evil beardo! Right?

Right.

I want you to rent this movie. This is one of the best movies I’ve seen ever.

I am so enthusiatic for this, the review doesn’t have to make sense!

Yay!

Drew!

Well, last night sucked.

Filed under: Analysisesims!,Bitter Beer Face,EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 12:22 pm

I am not going to lie and say I expected the Badgers to lose. Davidson was a one man army and Michael Flowers was a great defender. I thought Curry would not be a factor. If he was, I would have been able to “chillax” in regards to him doing a third verse same as the first performance where he puts his team on his back in the second half and Cousin Skeeter goes on to the Elite Eight.

But that wasn’t what we got. We got the Badgers getting their ass kicked. This isn’t hating just to hate. That performance was the worst they put on all year. Sure, Duke kicked their ass, but you could at least pin that on an inexperienced team getting shook on the road.


Yeah, yeah, whatever dood…

You couldn’t pin that one on Bo Ryan as well.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. How is this Bo Ryan’s fault? Isn’t he a really good coach and stuff? Does he not Superman that Ho with Style and Aplomb?

Well, let me answer your questions with a question of my own? Say your swingman (Joe Krabbenhoft 6’7″ 220) matches up physically with your opponents post player (Amir Lovedale 6’8″ 215), and say you have 8 players that you really want to use, and one of them is a member of the walking wounded. Why would you not work the ball inside? Why would you not treat Davidson like you would Michigan State? Why would you chuck up 17 threes in the first half?

Why would you not go Dick Bennett on their ass and make the game as boring as humanly possible? Or if you have to go faster, why would you not take young Brad Lohaus out of the mothballs and see if his 46% from beyond the arc was just a matter of small sample size? If you aren’t going to adjust why not get creative with your personnel? 

It was a ridiculously poor game in terms of planning, and the Badgers ran out of gas because of it.

Temper check.

Okay.

Moving on.

March 28, 2008

Here’s an interesting dilemma.

You’re the Green Bay Packers. You have no pressing need outside of depth. And all of the sudden, you find a running back that’s compared to Ricky Williams without the drug use or Jamal Lewis without the prison term free falling because of foot surgery. He will be ready to go when the season starts and in a world where Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew is a platoon for great justice, wouldn’t you think that the addition of The Green Lantern would be an awesome weapon for Aaron Rodgers? 

Now I know what you’re thinking? Is he really going to fall to the Packers? There’s a 50/50 shot. The Seahawks are going with a Backfield By Comittee of Maurice Morris, T.J. Duckett, and Julius Jones. The Cowboys will probably take the Arkansas Running Back with none of the wear and tear. Who does that leave?


WHO’S GONNA BE MY BACK-UP?

The Chargers are going to draft the best player available, as needs are not a major issue. And they may take a flier on a defender who can fill a role. I figure them going to go to Oklahoma to get a safety. Why? It’s the only position they need.

After all, solid value like Ray Rice, Matt Forte, or Chirs Johnson would roll up in the second round and provide a good Michael Turner role.

And that brings us back to do. Jonathan Stewart would be the best player available. The Packers are a good fit for The Green Lantern.

In brightest day, in darkest night and all that.

Yay!

There are some players where we are more fan than dispassionate speaker.

Curtis Granderson is one, we started watching his games without any consideration to his inablity to hit lefthanded pitchers. You know who’s another one? Andre Woodson. Andre Woodson?

Absolutely.

At his best, he is a magician that performs two nights daily. Never mind his poor technique, never mind his awful wind-up. He is the best quarterback when it comes to the electrifying. He is the best quarterback when it comes to the big games. Sure, he does come with some efforts that one would deem subpar at best, but he will not have to spend his first two seasons getting his shit rocked like David Carr.

And while a savvy football site can have him becoming a great game manager like David Garrard, we have to say that if you’re going to talk about a cool, calm collected leader who comes up big in the big games? You need to dream larger than a good starter.

How much larger?

Rich Gannon without having to wait for a decade to become the superstar. With a better arm. That would be a good hope for The HMS Bad Boy.

Andre Woodson IS Macho Business Donkey Wrestler!

March 26, 2008

I AM SHAMED!

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 10:55 pm

Oh, I’ve wasted my life.

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 10:43 pm

Shoo, nerds, shoo!

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