The Grand National Championships

August 31, 2007

Oh by the Way.

Larry Harris has courage and visionary thinking. I commend it.

Yi can do his Sino-Dirk until the cows come home. He will be a force in Milwaukee. I am glad he has handled the handlers and will be coming to Milwaukee. If he is good enough, he will be awesome.

Right now the Bucks look like a good solid #5 or #6 seed. And they can fade an injury.

Now just sign Charlie Bell plz K THX BYE

SEPTEMBER HOOO!

Who’s Hack? THE WINNER!

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT!,The Worldwide Leader — by Andrew @ 11:31 pm

Stephen A. Smith! A 17-vote win for the man of great imprtance. He took down Jay Mariotti. A weird tournament. Marred by delays towards the end. But Stephen A. beats the comeptiton down.

Thusly! WE SHALL BE PRESENTING A VERITABLE CHEESE DOODLE FUL OF CLIPS OF STEHEN A. AND HIS GREATEST MOMENTS!

STEPHEN A? MORE LIKE STEPHEN YAY SMITH!

Hollar at your boy, yes!

Dear Jack Del Rio,

Dude, what the fuck? Do you want to be a Head Coach next year? Obviously not!

You’re letting the star potential go for a feel good version of Kelly Holcomb. It was all supposed to come together. There would be breakouts left and right. Marcedes Lewis would be halfway useful. White Vernon Davis would be spectacular. Reggie Williams would continue his mediocrity, but Ernest Wilford would be the new Marques Colston!

Now? No. You decided to take the guy who threw four picks vs the Texans. The guy who threw for 82 yards vs. the Colts. You found a guy who cannot start and said, YAY!

Does he make you special? Does he warm your heart, Jack Del Rio?

Becuase you’re turning mine black.

Love,

Andrew

Guess what I got in the Mail TODAY!

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 10:35 pm

yay!

 That’s because I am.

ELVI!

I am feeling salacious. Angry. A little hungry, and I’m reading a comic book.

Thusly, I present, pretty girls playing Superhero! In an effort to get the goddamn Cubs off of the Top search list. I hate them.

Olivia Munn.

Tawnya Manion

Bethanie Mattek (Kind of)

bethaniemattek_450x350.jpg

Karima Adeibe (Playing Superhero Interview)

Conan O’ Brien? Really? Conan O’Brien?

Yeah. Lame post. I know.

And it probably won’t work anyway.

I feel dirty.

August 30, 2007

Today’s Top 5: Persons who would be better off if they were born 10 years later.

I love baseball. I know it seems weird for where I’m going, but it fits. You see, one of the great games baseball fans discuss is what if. (For your Brewers fans, we lucky we didn’t get Gagne while we’re in this tailspin?) Thusly, in a Top 5 format, I will present to you 5 person’s whose impact would be much larger if they were born in merely one decade later.

1. Stu Ungar

Stuey

Stuey was a card savant. He was fearless. He won back to back World Series of Poker Titles in 1980 and 1981. He would win several more tournaments before his demons finally caught up with him. It culminated with one last World Series of Poker crown in 1997.

But here’s the thing. If he was alive when the Poker boom hit, he would have been bigger than anyone. He combined the best aspects of Gus Hansen and Daniel Negreneau as well as the worst of Mike Matusow and Phil Hellmuth. In short, a Stu Ungar born 10 years later, would be a part of what would keep the poker boom going.

2. Tiffany

 

Tiffany in 1987? The start of a career arc that would last three years. Tiffany in 1997? Ahead of the curve, son! I Think We’re Alone Now would have been there before Genie in a Bottle and Baby One More Time. Also, she would have the tabloid trouble to strike whilst the iron was hot. She’d be going on a decade of fame now if she was born in the early 80’s.

3. The Cast of The State

In 2004, Dave Chapelle had the world by the balls. By 2005, he was gone to glory in Africa. Comedy Central replaced him with Carlos Mencia. It would be the start of the networks demise.

But what if a scrappy troupe of kids from NYU were making their way through the ranks? What if they were on Comedy Centrals radar? They’d be massive. And as for Mencia? He’d be introducing Luis! Who just comes in and says “YO QUIERO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!” over and over again.

4. Dale Murphy

There are those whom are masterful when in the throes of obscurity. Chris Warren had a spectacular run in the obscurity of shitty Seattle teams. Dale Murphy had himself a Chris Warren experience. He was a back to back NL MVP in the early 80’s. A decade later? He would have given the Braves three more shots at the World Series and won himself a trip to the Hall of Fame.

5. Paul Wellstone

Why? It’s simple. Paul Wellstone (D-MN) was the last honest Senator. He passed on in 2002. But give him another 10 years, and the world would have been a better place. He would have been brave and bold enough to take the senatorial lead from Harry Reid and maybe we would be out of the Iraqs. Fuck the Iraqs.

Tennis, Exciting?! THE J-BLOCK KEEPS James BLAKE ALIVE!

Personally, I love the U.S. Open.  It’s the best time of the year to watch tennis.  The best of the best put on their game faces and play their hearts out. 

As with most tournaments the first few rounds are usually blow outs. 

That is until tonight.  James Blake (a personal favorite of mine) played a five set match with 34 yr old frenchman Fabrice Santoro. 

Santoro is like a knuckleball pitcher in baseball.  He may be really old for a tennis player but he can just hit those shots that can frustrate any player including Roger Federer.  This match was great.  The old man facing the young whippersnapper.  I think I loved the fact that Santoro had on a killer polo shirt that screamed,”My poon-tang hey day was in the early 90’s!!”

Yay Tennis and huzzah for the CUBS WINNING!

rub it on your skin like lotion. 

ELVI!

Random Blather…Things I’m thinking but don’t need to blog about…

  • We got our first tip! A nice statistical breakdown of the Non-Yankee New York baseball teams from commenter The Brooklyn Boy at Just Left of Nowhere. I’d read it if I were you. I’d read it if I wasn’t you either. Man up!
  • Who’s got two thumbs and totally scooped the USA Today? That’s right, this guy! (With a generous Steve Nash boo-ya to young Mr. Elvi).
  • The Dugout series with David Wells and Kirk Gibson in recent weeks has been some of their best works.
  • Quentin Tarantino’s careening down the Peter Bogdonavich career path. Every shitty screenwriter in the late 90’s hates him for it. Their God has led then astray.
  • How could there be a Best of Mind of Mencia? I mean COME ON.
  • Are we surprised that Tucker Carlson went all hate crime on a gay dude? You are? HAH! Dumbass.

Get 40 seconds in. He’s just class right there.

  • Will Forte? Outside of the Drycleaner/Actor in Flight of the Conchords I don’t like him. Mister Patterson does not enjoy the works of Will Arnett. Ask our opinion of The Brothers Solomon.
  • It’s a shame that it doesn’t look like Sheets can stem the tide. Cubs 5 Brewers 3, top of 8. Brewers are a game and a half out if they lose.
  • If you play Hollywood Stock Exchange, believe in Walk Hard. It’s the time for a biopic parody. And it has the sheen of APATOW!
  • The best skateboard related video game was, is, and forever shall be Skate or Die.

Any thoughts of randomness, feel free to leave a comment. Mullah Cimoc? I’m hoping for your opinion on Tony Hawk?

KSK’S Big Daddy Drew read my interview!

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 8:06 am

Gasp and Zounds!

Big Daddy Drew 
to me

show details

 Aug 22 

C’mon.  You barely scratched the surface on that one.  It’s not like I
don’t offer enough material to be harshly ridiculed.  Surely, jokes
about my fatness were in order.

See. And of course, seeing as it’s 8 days late to start a real flame war. I may as well open this up to you, the readers. Some do right. Some don’t. But surely, jokes about Big Daddy Drew’s fatness are in order.

Like how Prostitutes hate having sex with him because it’s like fucking a waterbed. That sort of thing.

bigdaddydrew@gmail.com

Go ahead, make his day!

You can also leave comments below. But I wouldn’t be too sure they’d get posted until somethime next week.

UPDATE: Yes, this is post #500. We could not be prouder!

Also, I attempted two jokes here. Both failed. May as well stop being the ego mans and give a shout of out to the funny man named Elvi!

Hey!

I had a modem go to shit.

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 7:58 am

It’s baaaack.

 Again.

Fall off the face of the earth right after I get snarky. Goddamn I have great gears.

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