The Grand National Championships

September 29, 2009

Hello. A Hilarious Comedian Joins Two Basketball Stars In A Commercial. This is a Preview

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 6:44 pm

Chris Hardwick, you’ve done it again!

Note: The G4 network HTML wasn’t an easy copy paste onto the website. Considering they try to fill the tech niche? Warrants mentioning.

September 28, 2009

10 NFL Notes/Reactions/Twitter-size Rambles.

Filed under: Fantastical Football — by Andrew @ 4:42 pm

You know how this makes me feel? I’m really someone who likes to keep the original content going. I don’t want to use numbers as a prompt for my post. But since I want to provide content, here we go.

10. I’m excited that Josh Johnson is getting run as a starting quarterback. He’s a dynamic force who has been hyperproductive in the lower level. That being said? Washington and Philadeplhia are going to be real challenges for Johnson straight away. It does get easier in the second half.

9. With Laurent Robinson being out for the season, the Rams look like they are going to be a serious threat for 0-16. But I could see a scenario where they make a post bye week dead cat bounce.

8. I am still going to hang on to Chaz Schilens for one more week. You can replace all Raiders not named Darren McFadden if you want. Depending on the activity of your waiver wire, Zach Miller falls into the droppable list. But 8 out of 10 situations you need to hang on.

7. Obvious waiver wire pick-up for a Laurent Robinson owner? Pierre Garcon.

6. The running back I would trade for? Marshawn Lynch. A bad team’s RB1 who gets the majority of carries a.k.a. Darren McFadden? That would be my trade. Why? While Fred Jackson will get a Reggie Bush sort of run, Marshawn will get 200 carries and all the goal line stuff.

5. If Ted Ginn struggles the rest of the way? We can write him off.

4. The best fantasy football plug-in running back for the next two weeks? Glen Coffee. Start your puns…now!

3. Chris Henry has been lost in the shuffle. The only way he’s currently playable is in a TD-only league when you’re hurting. Drop him everywhere else for now.

2. The sleeper of 2009? The Bengals. Seriously.

1. One of the rare Fantasy Football games I really want is happening next week. Hef is the proprietor of Major League Jerk. You have seem me with caps locked text in his general direction on several occasions via the the twitter. I play him this week. I’m a 65 point underdog. I want the single greatest upset in the Twitter based sportsblog action league history.

I need this.

September 27, 2009

RapidDraft: The worst Fantasy Football Site Ever.

Filed under: Fantastical Football — by Andrew @ 10:16 pm

Not to say that it’s not an intriguing concept. You take ten media based fantasy sports experts and last years champion. You have a speed draft. And you. You pick the spot. And it should be fun, right?

Well, I got a free entry. So I thought to myself. Sure. Spin the wheel and make the deal. And even with a free entry?

It’s godawful.

It’s godawful for three reasons. It’s godawful because when you consider the fact that a text based search box has been in every website’s interface since the days when Ray Lucas was a worthwhile waiver wire pick-up. But it’s not here. So if you wanted to draft Ray Rice, you would have to scroll up and down to get him.

Also? For waiver purposes? Other sites have their own problems, but with no text box and sorting people by first name? That’s indefensible. That shows that someone illogical was running the web interface.

And you know the third problem? It stems from Domenik Hixon. Amidst the emergence of Mario Manningham and Steve Smith was the disappearance of the mid-July sleeper. In fact? He was on the inactive list this week.

And in this expert league, this league that’s supposed to simulate the best of the best? I played a team that started Domenik Hixon. It’s something that’s not supposed to happen unless it’s a Random Yahoo gathering, right?

But in this “Play against the best league,” I got to play a man up. I joined this league to avoid that.

C’est la vie.

September 26, 2009

The seven things I learned about college football today?

Filed under: 7 things I learned,Fantastical Football — by Andrew @ 8:16 pm

1. Florida State will have at least three more games that will stun the absolute fuck out of conventional wisdom. I know other people have been all over this, so let me nutshell it. They were super scrappy versus Miami and killed BYU’s national championship hopes. And then they lost to South Florida and nearly gacked it all over the D1-AA versus Jacksonville State.

2. The meme of TCU as BCS Buster? Just gained a lot of strength. They have to beat BYU in Provo, but that’s fine. They win out? Their SOS is a lot stronger than Boise State.

3. Even though the Oregon “upset” of Cal makes Boise State’s case for BCS entry a whole lot stronger. I only say upset in quotes because this is how Cal rolls each and every season. Momentairly, they look like a national power. And then they vomit over themselves.

4. Darkhorse National Championship candidate? Cincinnati.

5. The stealth fun game of next week? Wisconsin travels to Minnesota. Weird things happen in Minnesota for Bunyan’s Axe. Remember 2005? I do.

…I thought YouTube had a video. Man. Suffice it to say there was a great punt block with 20 seconds to go that the Badgers recovered in the end zone to win. And the finals the last four games in Minnesota.

42-31 Minnesota
37-34 Minnesota
38-34 Wisconsin
41-34 Wisconsin

6. Either Mississippi State is going to be awesome in a year or LSU is going to fall off a cliff. I don’t get LSU. And my other job requires me to.

7. Iowa has been a thorn in old man Paterno’s side since the Nittany joined the Big 10.

September 24, 2009

When my radar suddenly picks up on the drug dealing arrest of Binghamton’s point guard?

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 9:18 pm

You know who is going to start to work on a project post.

NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR MY SUCK! YAY!

September 23, 2009

The Top 5 List Triad…

Filed under: Fantastical Football,Triad — by Andrew @ 8:53 pm

I know I’m going to do this every week. And I know this feels like work. But I will be okay. And I hope I can transfer this advice so you can be okay.

The top 5 guys who are for real.

1. Cedric Benson (RB-Cin) The Packers were supposed to be this stout defense. They were supposed to shut down the Bengals. That didn’t happen. Cedric Benson looked spectacular this week. He ran hard and ran well. I’m not saying he’s a must start RB1, and he does have 4 games where you would be nigh suicidal to run with him. But that being said? He’s gone from nearly out of football to on-field redemption, Thomas Jones style.

2. Laurent Robinson (WR-St. L) Somehow, you get the sense that Donnie Avery might not be the #1 receiver when the going gets tough. Not his fault. But either he’s not healthy, or Laurent Robinson’s receiver skills have developed trust with the quarterback who can’t do it anymore. He’s a lottery ticket play for this week. But he’s strong as a WR3 right now, and maybe a WR2 in the second half.

3. Mario Manningham (WR-NYG) That sound you hear is the rush of everybody going to make a waiver claim on him. It never was a question of physical gifts with Manningham. And considering that he has the big trust in Manning? He’s going to get some numbers this year. Sorry about your luck on a hot start if you need a WR.

4. Willis McGahee (RB-Bal) In this world of the running back tag team? The tag partner that you want is the one who gets the score. And Ray Rice? He’s not getting the scores. Never let it be said that I’m not willing to admit when I’m wrong. But like when DeShaun Foster kept the Panthers starting job over DeAngelo Williams? Willis is the most improtant Raven runner.

5. Steve Smith (WR-NYG) Why? Because Hakeem Nicks is good, but with the physical gifts of Manningham, he’s going to be lost in the shuffle. Or he’s going to take a bite out of Manningham. One out of the two. Steve Smith is going to be a consistent, trusted force.

The top 5 Plug-ins

1. Kevin Kolb (QB-Phi) Kansas City has struggled with quarterbacks of competency this season. It doesn’t even matter if Westbrook isn’t healthy. You need an emergency QB? Pick up the Kolb Salad.

2. Tashard Choice (RB-Dal) If Barber is unable to go, you can expect to see Felix Jones with around 35-40 percent of the carries. And he could bust a big run off of the Panthers. However? Tashard is going to get the duration of the carries. And he is going to be hyperproductive. He ran hard and well versus the Steelers, Giants, and Ravens while Dallas collapsed around him. You need a runner? Obvious pun goes here.

3. Denver Defense You and I know that you have no reason to keep Denver’s defense in a real scenario. But they’ve actually been pretty good so far. Now it’s more scheduling gods than talent. But a game against JaMarcus Russell can cure all ills. I’d start them over the Colts or maybe the Cowboys or Chargers.

4. Nate Burleson (WR-Sea) Nobody really trusts Nate Burleson. He had a good week one. And disappeared in week 2. Suddenly? He’s back on the wire in the wake of the Manningham/Smith/Sims-Walker based gold rush. If you missed on that and need someone to go this week? Burleson can help. The Bears can be thrown on.

5. Lynell Hamilton (RB-NO) Buffalo can be run on. Mike Bell and Pierre Thomas are hurt. You can safely keep Reggie Bush as the #3 WR/Sweep specialist. And that means Lynell gets all the run between the tackles. Watch this space, if Pierre is healthy? Never mind. But rush to grab him if he starts.

Five guys I have a bad feeling on…

1. Ryan Grant (RB-GB) Why? Because with Clifton out? The Packers line is in shambles. And if he tries to come back and he’s limited? Then the Packers best running offensive value gets destroyed.
2. Carnell Williams (RB-TB) Why? Because his story was good but with three straight against the NFC East? The clock may strike midnight.
3. Donovan McNabb (QB-Phi) Why? Because he isn’t anything beyond a marginal starter until Week 13. Sure, he could surpass projections, but it’s a toxic environment for McNabb. Garcia, Kolb, and Vick are all people that Iggles fans have an affinity for.
4. Randy Moss (WR-NE) After the Bye? Five out of his next six games are really bad matchups. He’s bound to get out on a bit of a run before the bye. You can shunt him off on some WR-starved team for great value.
5. Greg Olson (TE-Chi) It’s kind of representative of the Bears in general. We have nothing established for the Bears. Not to say that they aren’t a bad team, but they are a team where Cutler’s running it by committee. And the supposed superstar may be doomed because of it. That being said? I’m not going to panic dump him until after Week 8. But it is a personal bad feeling.

September 22, 2009

I’m trying to bring something to the plate.

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 8:53 pm

But right now? I’m kind of writer’s blocked. I don’t know what exactly to tell you. I need a new angle. I need something. You know I’m still at SECFootball Blogger. And I’m in a weird 16-7 record against the spread. College football is kind of easy if you take a conference and learn it.

But until I have something? I’m sorry.

Watch the RSS or my twitter for my next post.

September 21, 2009

I’ll have more tomorrow.

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 9:37 pm

Brief List for tonight.

I’m in several leagues. And there are 8 receivers you don’t have to be super desperate for an upgrade to pick them up. So here you go.

8) Jacoby Jones (WR-Hou)
7) Johnny Knox (WR-Chi)
6) Bobby Wade (WR-KC)
5) Pierre Garcon (WR-Ind)
4) Laurent Robinson (WR-St. L)
3) Chansi Stuckey (WR-NYJ)
2) Mike Sims-Walker (WR-Jax)
1) Mario Manningham (WR-NYG)

September 20, 2009

The Seven Things I learned about College Football.

Filed under: 7 things I learned,Fantastical Football,Joe Cox — by Andrew @ 6:09 am

Another interesting lesson coming up on us this week. I took the week at half-speed. Florida took the week at half-speed. I laid my hands upon a man with a bad back and he yelled, “I’m the King of Spain!”

But I digress.

7. Cal better not relax.

Sure, with the running back who’s the best around? They should be fine when Oregon comes around. That being said? USC got jumped by Washington. This means they’re going to be at their best for Cal. Jahvid Best is a freak of nature, but this is the sort of team that puts out their Combat Rock album in mid-October.

6. Bold prediction: Cincinnati will run the table.

It’s not really bold per se, but I would be stunned if they lost. Brian Kelly’s built a real program here. The biggest upset in the Big East would be if they weren’t the Champions. Pike to Gilyard and Cincy goes hard. Or something like that.

5. If Jacory Harris gets to the Florida A&M game undefeated?

Three things will occur. One, The U will officially be back, as they have played the ACC contenders and Oklahoma. Two, you would have to consider Jacory Harris as a Heisman contender. The third thing? It will cause the world to end, as it will have meant Chris Rix will have seen something before it has developed.

4. And Speaking of Florida State?

That BYU as National Title Contenders meme sure lasted long, didn’t it?

3. With the ball in his hands?

Joe Cox is a bad man. Living in the streets with his hands? He’s a bad man. He may not show it, but he does have humorously large testicles.

2. Lost amidst the suck vortex that is Jonathan Crompton?

Is the redemption of Chris Todd. With Gus Malzahn calling the plays? Gene Chizik will double his career win total. By October.

1. Game of next week?

I know that the bottom of the ACC should be fired now. But you know what? It’s kind of a dull week next week. I know Bama-Arkansas will be fun. And the Houston for BCS meme will get rolling if Case Keenum can outduel Taylor Potts. But South Florida lost Matt Groethe for the year (Ewing theory?) as they play Florida State. So you know what? It’s Miami Virginia Tech.

And if an upset happens? That’s why it’s called an upset.

September 17, 2009

The Film Student Breakdown of Texas-Texas Tech.

Filed under: Analysis,Breakdowns,Fantastical Football,I LIKE MOVIES! — by Andrew @ 6:20 pm

You know me. I like movies. I also have this nascent idea that I’m going to write a movie someday. So, for my own personal practice. And because I think this will at least be interesting, if not funny. I will attempt to set a narrative for this game.

We shall call this game Guns Up. It will be the story of a plucky quarterback thrust into the spotlight against an evil empire. In this instance? Texas will be a lietmotif for…the onslaught of Republican anger? No. Texas Tech has that sort of boisterous energy playing fast and loose with the facts with a lesser amount of talent.

So then, what will the Longhorns represent? Yes! The Longhorns represent the rigid corporate structure. Their team is something like a factory, attempting to develop people for a professional career. On the other hand? You look at the Red Raiders and they represent a rugged individualism. Spread ’em and shred ’em right? Right.

And of course, we need a Protagonist for this. An antihero who doesn’t seem to have a future at the next level. But you need someone with a real mental toughness and some wacky facial hair. So, obviously, the main character in guns up? Taylor Potts.


I mean, look at this photo. He has the mustache of an antihero. (H/T: EDSBS/link’s at the photo)

The Nemesis for this job is the heir to the Longhorn Throne. Will Muschamp. Now, I’m sure he’s a gentleman and good to his family and friends in real life, but for my purposes, he beat Bryan Orakpo upside the head and shoulders for insolence and killed Blake Gideon’s dog for costing Texas the National Championship game.


Because at present? He is the Diet Coke of evil.

The Mentor is as obvious as the fact that he is going to have to die to make this storyline work. He is a pirate loving, stupid powerful offensive mind, give you sound dating advice, and unafraid to make any powerful organization angry toward him because he knows man. He knows. He’s a guru. He’s a shaman. He’s Charlie fuckin’ Kelly. That’s Mike Leach.


And as he told the Franchione, if you strike me down I will come back stronger than you can possibly imagine.

The Attractor? The survivng member of the Big 12 conference college of awesome from 2008. Colt McCoy. He’s the front man for the corprate entity that wishes to enchroach on the state of play in college football, and he is the George Bush to Will Muschamp’s Dick Cheney. Taylor Potts has to be the mustachoied Barack Obama.

(Come on. If it’s a movie, it has to be stridently liberal.)


And look at this photo. That is the Democratic Vision of the average Republican. H-HYUCK!

And who is your Trickster? Often times in cinema, you have a mentor who also portrays the role of a trickster. And if someone who says “We’re going to treat (the next three games) all dramatically differently, and there will be all kinds of interesting little twists and nuances that we’ll do to each individual one to dignify it for its importance that exists in the overall scheme of the universe. There’ll be dramatic differences, and throughout the course of that deal, I’ll enjoy talking about it in length.” You know that the Mentor archetype is also a trickster. Mike Leach is your dual archetype. And he has to die.

All has to be lost in Guns Up. All has to be lost for our hero to be redeemed. So barring the tragic circumstances of a head coach dying before his time? This is going to have one of those endings nobody’s going to understand. But Peter Travers is going to call it visually arresting.

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