The Grand National Championships

July 31, 2007

I feel old but I’m ok with that. I’m MAKING IT GREAT!

Oh Pizza Hut, why do you remind me of the times you made good commercials that truly spoke to me even if I was good at baseball? 

Please to note, is that Goldberg from The Mighty Ducks?

Here’s the commercial from The Land Before Time.  It’s a long clip but it’s a few minutes of the movie so after the commerical stop it.

I’m so glad my mom never made me wear a bowtie or suspenders.  Also, did Andrew W.K’s dad team up with the dudes from WANG CHUNG to write the music?  Becuase it’s AWESOME!

 I’m old…



I kept asking myself, why?

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 7:28 pm

Of all the people in this world, why would I not receive the death of a rich Nigerian e-mail letter? Rich Nigerians were dying left and right, and yet I was denied a slice of that sweet, sweet coin. I shouted “WHEN LORD WHEN? WHEN WOULD IT BE MY TIME?!?”

It’s my time, baby! MY TIME! THE SUMMER OF DREW!

date 31 Jul 2007 23:29:55 -0000  
subject Reply Back ASAP With Your Number  

Due to the sudden death of my husband GeneralAbacha the former head of
state of Nigeria in June 1998, I have been thrown into a state of
hopelessness by the present administration.I have lost confidence with
anybody within my country. I got your contacts through personal research,
and had to reach you through this medium. I will give you more details
when you reply.

Due to security network placed on my daily affairs I cant visit the
embassy so that is why I have contacted you. My husband deposited
$12.6million dollars with a security firm abroad whose name is witheld for
now till we communicate. I will be happy if you can receive this funds and
keep it safe I assure you 20% of this fund. I will need your
telephone/mobile numbers so that we can commence communication.

Sincerely Yours

Hajia Mariam.

I am now 2.5 million dollars richer! Hot diggity dog!

I love you Jesus, and your murderous rage against the rich Nigerians!

For One Night Only…

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 5:25 pm

With three players sitting on milestones. Three teams in hotly contested playoff races. Three men on the hunt for immortality.

The world has shifted on its axis. In this context up is down. Day is night. Bizarro is Zibarro. Because on this day. ON THIS DAY!

I, Andrew Rosin, am rooting for Alex Rodriguez to get his milestone first. Yes. I am. Really.

And if you’re wondering why, ask yourself this…who are the Mets playing?

See. See what I did there? I just wasted your time.

Blogging for the sake of blogging! I love America!

July 30, 2007

NL Central: A statistical breakdown. (Catchers and Infield)

Filed under: Analysisesims!,BAYSBALL!,Boring Homerism — by Andrew @ 11:34 pm

Okay. The NL Central is a two horse race. We both have horses in this fight, but the fact is, only the numbers can break this down. And we are going to find out who the better team is.

But first, the ratings scale.

5- So good that you don’t have a complaint.
4-Good, but there are reasons to think they could be better.
3- Reasonably okay. Not great, but you don’t mind their presence.
2- There are definite weaknesses, but they do show skills.
1- Easily replacable.

There will be decimals given. And yet there will also be love to mine enemies as well. But we start at…


Brewers: Johnny Estrada is the epitome of the 3. He’s okay. He’s pretty good on defense. He’s not bad as a hitter. (.283, which is positionally good). But if Brian McCann or Russell Martin came available straight up, the Brewers would jump on that.

Damian Miller was the epitome of average as a starter and if you compare OPS with Estrada…(.714 to .722) they do compare favorably. I give Miller a 2.5 if only because he’s slumping in July, and exposure might drop him to a two.

Brewers Catchers 5.5

Cubs: Jason Kendall’s done. He’s past done. He is Henry Blanco without the defensive skill. He is a 1 and may God have mercy on his soul.

Koyie Hill’s offensive line? (.163/.233/.288) If that’s anything other than a 1? I am not a fat man.

Cubs Catchers: 2

First Baseman

Brewers: Prince Fielder’s still the putative NL MVP, despite a recent power outage. The numbers are still great, but if this keeps up, there will start to be a real worry that he got Abreu’d at the home run derby. I will be nice and call it a 4.5.

Brewers Total so far: 10 (4.5)

Cubs: Derrek Lee is not hitting home runs. 11 so far. But with a .331 average, a .931 OPS, and reasonably good defense? This is the man you want. He is a 4. Good solid 4.

Cubs total so far: 6 (4)

Second Baseman

Brewers: Rickie Weeks is physically very skilled. The problem is, he keeps getting injured. And he fell into bad habits. He’s hitting .212. The only reason he gets a 2 is because he has speed, and speed does not dilute if you cannot hit for average.

Tony Graffanino also gets a 2. He’s got pop and a decent level of defense at several positions. He has shown good stretch run potential, but he’s a two. That’s all you need to know.

Brewers Total: 14 (4)

Cubs: Mark DeRosa has culled himself a half-decent career. And this year, he’s also having himself a +800 OPS season of offense, which isn’t bad for third base in the injury replacement as well. Mark DeRosa gets an overpaid 3.  

And Mike Fontenot might even be a little better. He’s been an offensive sparkplug off the bench. (.309/.348/.463). He’s also tiny and lefthanded. He’s a three, if only because the small sample size.

Cubs Total: 12 (6)


Brewers: J.J. Hardy has been awful over the past two months. As in, what once was a five has dropped to a 3. He doesn’t suck, but he really aught to get the old average above .280-.290 before he gets back above a 3.

Craig Counsell has always been a 2. He figured, why stop now?

Brewers total so far: 19 (5)

Cubs: Ryan Theriot has developed a cult following amongst Cubs fans. After all, a judicious use of the space and he becomes The Riot. But a .706 OPS is not bueno, even with 18 steals and a great percentage. I cannot give him, in good consicence, more than a 3.

Ronny Cedeno. Look at his stats. Let the small sample size wash over you. He is going to be a 1. He won’t vault to a 4, either.

Cubs Total: 16 (4)

Third Baseman

Brewers: Offensively, at present. Ryan Braun is a god, not a man. Quite frankly, it’s a 7 out of 5. His defense is a three out of five. But Ryan Braun is a baseball warrior. And he has a lot on his back. 5…out of 5.

Brewers total: 24 (5)

Cubs: Aramis Ramirez is a good third baseman. He’s having a good, if not injury prone year. The problem is, he’s always been better post all-star break. Yeah, it’s not for the Cubs fans, but the 4 I’m about to bestow could become a five at any minute.

Cubs Total: 20 (4)

Okay, so the Brewers have a better infield. But it is subject to change. There could be a swing at the corners. But then again, the other areas could go to the Cubs.

You’re just going to have to watch for more.

I need a game where I can get drunk and embarrass myself!

Here’s how this works.  I love to be a drunk, but I also love television.  There are a few drinking games out there but I figured one more can’t hurt.


 It’s really quite simple.  Intervention is on A&E and it is the best show on tv right now.  Addicts of various drugs do their drugs on camera for a week and then at the end they face an intervention where they are asked to seek treatment.  It’s feel good television and to make it feel even better I have decided to make a drinking game to this glorious show.

What you need to play:

1. 2 12 pack’s of whatever beer you wish to have

2. 1 bottle of any liquor you wish

3.  the same number of shot glasses as the number of people playing the game

Here’s the rules:

1.  When the addict says his name and spells it take a drink

2. when the addict tells you their addictions take as many shots as their addictions. (i.e. if the addict loves them some crack and booze then take two shots)

3. When the addict does the drug of their choice you take a drink.

4. When the addict tells you they hate themselves do a shot.

5. When the addict passes out from overindulging immediately chug your beer ( best way of doing this is by shotgunning or beer bong)

6. If a family member gives the addict money immediately chug your beer and take a shot.

7. When a family member can’t finish an interview take a drink

8. When the addict goes on a bender start drinking your beer and dont’ stop until the screen tells you that the addict has been doing whatever drug for a day or two. If you finish your beer during the bender you can either do a shot or open a new beer and continue drinking.

9. When the addict enters the intervention take a drink of your beer.

10. Everytime the addict says “I’m not going to treatment” take a drink.

11. When the addict finally accepts going to rehab take a shot.

12. When they show the addict today and they look like they’ve gained weight chug your beer.

13. For every relapse the addict suffers take a shot.

14. Enjoy being hilariously drunk with friends.

Whenever there is trouble, Cole Hamels is there.

Filed under: BAYSBALL!,Bitter Beer Face,Boring Homerism — by Andrew @ 9:48 pm

And with the mighty wingman Aaron Rowand? Your Milwaukee Brewers gain one half of a game. And it’s criticial at this stage.

Also tomorrow? The anniversary of Nolan Ryan’s 300th win. Tom Glavine goes for 300 tomorrow. Let me just say, I think he’d be better off doing his next start.

Tom Glavine’s not going to overshadow Nolan on the date of his 300th win.

The Savior of Professional Wrestling.

Adam “Pac-Man” Jones. Late of the Las Vegas Gossip Scene, later of the Titans, has found himself a new line of work. Pro Wrestler.

It may seem as if it is comedy to some, but he is going to make the sports world forget about that Canadian psychopath Chris Benoit. Why? Because he’s going to win the title. Seriously.

In a world with Kurt Angle, Sting, and Samoa Joe. Pac-Man Jones is going to be the next TNA champion. Why?

Those of you whom watched professional wrestling in the 90’s know of a certain man behind the camera who took control of the World Championship Wrestling in its death spiral. His name is Vince Russo.

And to help prime the pump, he went outside of the known wrestling community to find his next champion. No, Diamond Dallas Page was not going to be getting his hands on the gold that day. It was…


Yes. That’s David Arquette. And he does have himself a title reign. And despite his masterful in-ring work, WCW would not last the year.

But TNA is different. They have the cash flow. They have the TV Deal. And point of fact, they have the bigger star. Read down and find out why.

In his own way, Pac-Man Jones is also a name to know. If you have touched a channel guide to ESPN you osmosed his name into your subconscious. And in turn, he brings the rubberneckers over to watch the TNA.

But a championship run only brings more to the distant #2. Vince Russo knows that. And if you say to yourself, wait, no it won’t. Pac-Man is a D-Bag, why would we support him?

I say you’re right. But you’re not Vince Russo.

See, Vince Russo got hit in the head a lot. It tends to make you not think straight.

Thusly. We will have the first major pro wrestling/football player champion since one Bronko Nagurski. Pac-Man Jones. Pro Wrestling’s Savior.

And I said it all with a straight face.

Why Hunt for 100 Grand?

Filed under: Analysisesims!,BAYSBALL!,The Hunt for 100 Grand! — by Andrew @ 1:02 am

I do feel that an explanation is in order for the Hunt for 100 Grand. Why? Because it’s a highly underrated statistical milestone. Don’t believe me?

Well, 15 hitters have reached the 100 extra base hit milestone. And for a point of reference, there have been 17 perfect games. 

See? It’s a special number. It is as they say, 100 Grand. Granderson needs 37 more in 60 games to become the 16th hitter. It’s a beautiful thing.

But you know what else? He’s going to join an even more exclusive club. All he needs is a double and two steals to get to 30 doubles, 15 triples, 15 homers, and 15 steals. Here’s why this is special.

It’s only happened once before. In 1930. Charlie Gehringer achieved that feat. It’s just that rare. And Curtis needs more pub for it.

We are only too happy to help.

News From The Patron Saint Front…

Filed under: EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT! — by Andrew @ 12:33 am

The D.C. Sports Bog has news on DC’s favorite football player.

He’s awesome. He wasn’t wearing a costume. But take a gander and understand why we are, in effect, Portisheads.

“You know, three out my five years I played [with a chip on my shoulder],” he said. “Well, three out of my four years I played with a chip on my shoulder. I think it was when I finally got comfortable and felt like I arrived at elite status and was at the top of my platform in the eye of being a superstar that I got relaxed, and you know I got relaxed and I end up getting hurt and then all of the sudden everything you’ve done is forgotten about.

“So right now I’m stepping out like a rookie. I’ve got to prove to the world I’m still the same dangerous Two-Six that set the trends and set the examples of the NFL. You know, a lot of the things I did started a trend. You know, people requesting to be traded, people requesting to get paid. You know, before I did that there wasn’t nobody doing it. So right now I’m eager to get back to elite status and continue to play with a chip on my shoulder and realize it’s only a matter of time before you fall. And, you know, my next fall I want it to be when I sit on this podium and announce my retirement. You know, so I want to go out on my own and not let the people forget about me, no other way than that.”


“It won’t be hard I’ve just got to mind my business,” he said. “I told you, I can’t find nobody else’s battles, I’m going to mind my own business. I’m going to keep Clinton Portis out of trouble, I’m going to keep Clinton Portis focused, I’m going to keep Clinton Portis on top of his game. Outside of that. you can’t ask me about the next man, I don’t know how nobody feel, I don’t know what nobody think, I don’t know what nobody doing, the only thing I know is what’s going on in Clinton Portis’s life and that’s the only thing I can control.”

Hooray for the Inspector!

Hooray for the Deadspin!

July 29, 2007

The Hunt for 100 Grand!

Filed under: The Hunt for 100 Grand! — by Elvi Patterson! @ 10:06 pm

SO..tonight the tigers blew it.  They got hammered by the Angels and looked like a AA team.

 There is a high point.  100 GRAND HIT HIS 17TH TRIPLE!

 GO 100 GRAND!


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