You’re West Virginia Football…

You have Pat White Power. You have a one-two punch of Steve Slaton and Noel Devine. You also have a coach who ditched you in a lateral move at best. (The Cult of Personality disagrees with that move.)

So, how do you keep your program in the national eye? How do you not become one of the ugly people who always ends up playing in the Gaylord Meineke Bowl?

You turn to me.

I can give you your next great coach. I can make certain you have more than a BCS game every so often. Let me take you through your candidates.

1) Terry Bowden

Pros:

• He ran the table in his first season at Auburn.
• 2 year letterwinner for the Mountaineers.
• Can use his media experience to work for him.

Cons:

• Short. I mean he is like a toy poodle.
• Does not play well with powerful alumni.
• Less regarded than brother Tommy, and Tommy’s only won 58% of his conference games.

Bottom Line: It’s not a visionary move. It’s not an inspired move. His record fell off when his players started to play at Auburn. I would pass on a Bowden in Morgantown.

2) Jimbo Fisher

 

Pros:

• An agile offensive mind. It will keep Slaton in tow.
• Moutaineer Born. Mountaineer Bred.
• Tutored great college quarterbacks such as JaMarcus Russell and Matt Mauck.

Cons:

• Bielema to Bobby Bowden’s Barry Alvarez
• He would limit Pat White’s power as the quarterback at West Virginia.
• 2.5 million dollar buyout.

Bottom Line: A solid B+ hire. There would be a period of adjustment dropoff for the Mountaineers, but they would remain as a yearly BCS contender if they paid the cost.

3) Todd Graham

 

Pros:

• Had success at two stops.
• An assistant under the Rodriguez Regime. Has coached with two fast rising offensive coordiantiors in Applewhite and Malzahn.
• Knows the offense, sure. But he won at Rice. That’s impressive.

Cons:

• It would be his third stop in three years. You may not have heard of him, but he could very well be the next Petrino or Saban. That is greater than or equal to do not want.

Bottom Line: If he didn’t vibe as a snake in the grass social climber, it would be an awesome hire. But he seems like West Virginia would be one last stepping stone for him.

4) Mike Locksley

 

Pros:

• Runs the spread offense that made Juice Williams the man he is today.
• A sharply talented recruiter.
• He knows the Eastern Seaboard. 

 Cons:

• African-American (It’s sad but true, Pollyana. They won’t hire the man for such a high profile job.)
• He is little known. (No wikipedia page).
• Career assistant who hasn’t been in many big game situations.

Bottom Line: It would be an excellent hire. But a team with national championship aspirations, they may not go with the no-name.

5) Butch Jones

 

Pros:

• Successful MAC Coach
• Ex-WVU Assistant
• Turned Dan LeFevour into an absolute monster. (Would turn Pat White into something awesome.)
• Kept CMU at a high level after Brian Kelly left.

Cons:

• Vibes as a coach who needs to get another transition job to West Virginia.
• Also, spent eight years as a Coach within the confines of Kelly/Shorts Stadium.

Bottom Line: My personal choice. He would be a great coach at West Virginia. A longshot? Sure. But he’d be as good as Locksley.

My choices?

1. Jones
2. Locksley
3. Fisher
4. Graham
5. Bowden

WVU’s Choices?
1. Bowden
2. Fisher
3. Graham
4. Locksley
5. Jones

Odds on the hire? Jimbo Fisher

UPDATE I: Added Bud Foster and Doc Holliday into the mix here…