As I am a blogger…

You know the stereotype. I’m a friendless virgin living in my mom’s basement. But you know what? I want a chance to change that. I’m out of my Mom’s Basement! And I’m looking for someone who enjoys a voluminous knowledge of sports and someone who could use a better narrative.

The candidate? Lynn Jenkins! The Congressional Representative from Kansas’ 2nd District! She’s a woman looking for a great white hope! And I ask you, blogger Nation! Do I have a shot?

Watch the video…

What say you? Do I have a chance?

Hey Michael Crabtree?

Casting a wary eye toward the future.

You don’t know me. You don’t have to listen to me. But in the days and nights that followed the crazy between when you went guns up on Texas and got passed by my local sports team I’ve became a fan of your game. I didn’t even mind the rumors of you acting a fool at the draft.

But you’re being dumb. You’re in the wrong sport to be asking for a unicorn. I mean you’re not asking for a unicorn, but a football team isn’t going to go above slot for you like you’re some baseball phenom with signability issues. That’s why a football player gets that endorsement deal.

I mean, you must take come comfort in your money from EA Sports for NCAA 10, yeah?

It’s not as if you didn’t try and make some magic. You got the right guy to get you money if you were a top 3 pick. But you weren’t. So you’ve got to man up. You sit out a year? The precedent is Mike Williams. Everybody is going to compare you to Mike Williams. You’ll be picked in the mid-twenties because of it. No rookies in the mid-twenties gets to do commercials for Subway.

I know wide receivers get to act the fool and have no one care. But you know what? You aren’t there yet. Even Keyshawn had 8 td’s as a rookie before he ghostwrote his screed toward the organization that dared want his services. And if this is something else altogether toward the city of San Fransisco? Let me just say you’ve got nothing to worry about.

They’re not going to make you live in the Castro. You aren’t gonna have to live in the city of the gays if you don’t want to. What with 10th pick money and the massive amount of forclosures in California? You can get a House and build a gay moat to keep all the Socalists and Hippies who want you to gay marry out of your life.

But it’s not going to happen until you sign.

Never let it be said you can’t be a principled opportunist…

The GOP has become a more radicalized, regionalized party. It goes without saying, one of my chatter friends was going to vote Republican. But the final push of the last month of the election kind of soured him on the Republican process.

Now I have to wonder what his opinion on the Specter defection to the Democrats is. Politically? He’s going to likely be in the Lieberman-Bayh portion of the Democratic Party. And you know what? That’s fine for him. It will keep him in power. Ridiculously old senators who sound like once respected newsmen is as American as Apple Pie.

Sure, his last move as a Republican was to come out against the Employee Free Choice Act. But that’s an easy fix, so long as he allows the vote, odds are he can vote no.

And personally? He just clinched a return to the Senate for another six years. Putative Republican nominee Pat Toomey will likely get launched. He couldn’t backdoor another term Lieberman style. He probably had to find a way to get out, and the swine flu is how he gets it.

For the GOP? They’re in the weeds. Not to say they can’t get out. Going to 2006 from 2002 was a revolutionary change in party affiliation. But Michael Steele’s looking good for saying that he would challenge the L:incoln Chaffee wing of the Republican party to get all fresh to death as Arch-Conservatives.

This also means that they lose a different part of leverage, because a smart Democratic party would tie the redrawing of committee seats to the seating of the elected Senator from Minnesota in Al Franken.

And the Club for Growth is another albatross for the GOP.

For the Dems? It can be win-win. Letting those of bifurcated opinions have a real voice in the party will allow them to keep the party going longer. I know I’ve railed against Lieberman, but I personally don’t like him. Specter sounds like former newsman Edwin Newman and tells bad jokes. That’s awesome.

And tell Joe Biden he’s earned a mistimed statement or three. If you want to call a random black man Donovan McNabb? Mazel Tov.

So until Auto-tune the news goes up and gives you the definitve take. It’s back to sports for me.

You know what?

I should have fucking seen being disappointed coming. Barack Obama has just cemented the fact that we will torture again. We will find people that the ruling party disagrees with, and we will torture again. A lack of punishment in government for governmental political crimes cements something worse.

Watergate begat Bush. World War I begat World War II. And this is going to lead to something worse down the road. We cannot look forward until we exorcize the demons. It is not retribution. It is necessary and it is proper. If you are ordered to do something wrong you should face the consequences.

We have vultures from the Bush administration circling around. And the Republican party, despite it’s reactionary kant, will find its way out of the weeds. Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Wolfowitz saw what happened with Watergate. Imagine what someone will do with the opportunity the Obama administration is trying to make.

They say that torture is dead as an American policy. And even if you give them the benefit of the doubt on that one. That leaves a simple and obvious question.

What’s to stop the next administration from giving torture the rebirth?

In Which My Undying Idealism Gets Stabbed Again…

[Warning: I get very bloggy, and I get political. Leave now if you don’t want to be annoyed]

I should have fucking seen being disappointed coming. Barack Obama has just cemented the fact that we will torture again. We will find people that the ruling party disagrees with, and we will torture again. A lack of punishment in government for governmental political crimes cements something worse.

Watergate begat Bush. World War I begat World War II. And this is going to lead to something worse down the road. We cannot look forward until we exorcize the demons. It is not retribution. It is necessary and it is proper. If you are ordered to do something wrong you should face the consequences.

We have vultures from the Bush administration circling around. And the Republican party, despite it’s reactionary kant, will find its way out of the weeds. Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Wolfowitz saw what happened with Watergate. Imagine what someone will do with the opportunity the Obama administration is trying to make.

They say that torture is dead as an American policy. And even if you give them the benefit of the doubt on that one. That leaves a simple and obvious question.

What’s to stop the next administration from giving torture the rebirth?

What’s the matter with Kansas Now?

Now, before last year with the magic of fat guy in a little coat as well as Supernintendo Chalmers, Kansas was a bracketological dreamcrusher. Badgers fans remember the ride in 2005 they went on because Bucknell took out the Jayhawks. And Patrick O’Bryant made millions off of the fact that Kansas couldn’t handle his style next year.

But then there was a solid run in 2007 and 2008 brings us back to do. Then suddenly, out of the land of murder and Shannon Elizabeth, the Jayhawks got buzzbombed. Beaten. Bamboozled. Broken. Busted.

Baylor took step two of what just might be a magical run on the backs of the aforementioned Jayhawks. And a State Senator David Wysong? He took it as well as can be expected.

The Kansas Senate on Thursday adopted a resolution that says the Kansas University men’s basketball team should no longer play teams that start with the letter “B” in March.

Despite KU’s reigning national championship and history of basketball excellence, the killer B-team losses to Bucknell in 2005, Bradley in 2006 — both in the NCAA Tournament — and Baylor earlier Thursday in the Big 12 Tournament produce too much “heartache” among Jayhawk fans, the resolution stated.

The resolution by state Sen. David Wysong, R-Mission Hills, an avid KU fan, was adopted on a voice vote just before the Senate adjourned for the day.

Because the culture of Kansas needed to be healed because Curtis Jerrels had a good day, David Wysong wasted an entire state’s time. Why? The firmly entrenched politician, who clearly looks like a weirdo raper guy, needed an ego boost.

But at least he knows what Animal Husbandry is*. So there’s that.

*Probably

What’s the matter with Kansas Now?

Now, before last year with the magic of fat guy in a little coat as well as Supernintendo Chalmers, Kansas was a bracketological dreamcrusher. Badgers fans remember the ride in 2005 they went on because Bucknell took out the Jayhawks. And Patrick O’Bryant made millions off of the fact that Kansas couldn’t handle his style next year.

But then there was a solid run in 2007 and 2008 brings us back to do. Then suddenly, out of the land of murder and Shannon Elizabeth, the Jayhawks got buzzbombed. Beaten. Bamboozled. Broken. Busted.

Baylor took step two of what just might be a magical run on the backs of the aforementioned Jayhawks. And a State Senator David Wysong? He took it as well as can be expected.

The Kansas Senate on Thursday adopted a resolution that says the Kansas University men’s basketball team should no longer play teams that start with the letter “B” in March.

Despite KU’s reigning national championship and history of basketball excellence, the killer B-team losses to Bucknell in 2005, Bradley in 2006 — both in the NCAA Tournament — and Baylor earlier Thursday in the Big 12 Tournament produce too much “heartache” among Jayhawk fans, the resolution stated.

The resolution by state Sen. David Wysong, R-Mission Hills, an avid KU fan, was adopted on a voice vote just before the Senate adjourned for the day.

Because the culture of Kansas needed to be healed because Curtis Jerrels had a good day, David Wysong wasted an entire state’s time. Why? The firmly entrenched politician, who clearly looks like a weirdo raper guy, needed an ego boost.

But at least he knows what Animal Husbandry is*. So there’s that.

*Probably

Wow…as symbolism goes?

This is hack.

Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd, two of the most veteran members of the Senate and the Democratic Party, have suffered differing medical troubles at the first official Congressional luncheon.

Kennedy is currently on his way to the hospital suffering a seizure, even if he is communicative. And Byrd is on his way to the hospital after suffering digestive troubles. They should be okay, but on this day?

This is a bad turn of events. The 37656 Inaugrials have a dour mood.

The Preseason Top 25 in College Football

We all know how epic of a fail this is, right? 14 of the preseason top 25 in the Coaches poll are currently unranked. You don’t even have to care one whit about the college game to know that this is some bad prognostication.

So is this something we need to discuss? Is this a consistent incompetency? Oddly enough? No. Sure, there’s a certain batting average of these polls that means you will not be perfect. But even the most cursory research (that I have been procrastinating like a fiend to avoid doing) will show, 2008? It’s a special vintage.

2002
Preseason 1 vs. 2: Miami (Fla.) vs. Texas
Final 1 vs. 2: Miami (Fla.) vs. Ohio State
Total Unranked: 11
Top 15 Unranked: 5
Biggest Falloff: Tennessee (Preseason #5)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #4 Florida State (#23), #6 Colorado (#21), #7 Florida (#24)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Kansas State #6 and Iowa #8.

This is another year of a fine vintage. The Top 15 came up with a whole lot of 8-5 and 7-6. The best one? #18 Michigan State. They kissed what Michigan had in 2008. I was ranked once! And you know what? They actually called one of the teams who had a journey to the national championship. They get a D-.

2003
Preseason 1 vs. 2: Oklahoma vs. Ohio State
Final 1 vs. 2: LSU vs. USC
Total Unranked: 12
Top 15 Unranked: 4
Biggest Falloff: Auburn (Preseason #6)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? None
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Iowa #8 and Washington State #9.

See? This is what is known as a good year in preseason prognostication. Sure, there was a quantity in fail. But when it came down to quality? The Top 3 all stayed in the Top 5, and it came down to a traditional blind spot for those who vote for the coaches (Notre Dame) before you had a losing ranked team. It’s not an A, but it is a solid B.

2004
Preseason 1 vs. 2: USC vs. Oklahoma
Final 1 vs. 2: USC vs. Auburn
Total Unranked: 8
Top 15 Unranked: 2
Biggest Falloff: West Virginia (Preseason #11)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #3 LSU (#16), #9 Ohio State (#19), #10 Florida (#25)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Louisville #7 and Virginia Tech #10.

The Big 12 North (#13 Kansas State and #17 Missouri) were the only real bit of indefensibility in this season. The Preaseason 1 vs. 2 played in the National Championship. They hit on two-thirds of their rankings. And in this post BCS world? The then Conference USA Louisville Cardinals actually had some semblance of respect going in. 31st is no sin if you are a mid-major. A-

2005
Preseason 1 vs. 2: USC vs. Texas
Final 1 vs. 2: Texas vs. USC
Total Unranked: 9
Top 15 Unranked: 3 (2 out of the Top 5)
Biggest Falloff: Tennessee (Preseason #3)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #5 Oklahoma (#22), #8 Miami (Fla.) (#18)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Penn State #3, West Virginia #6, and TCU #9.

Duke received a preseason vote. 1-10 Duke. TCU did not get one. Michigan (#4) rolled out with a 7-5 season. And Phillip Fulmer? Good looking out on that 2008 preview! Okay, truth be told? It’s not offensive on the whole. But it’s three sins were major. C.

2006
Preseason 1 vs. 2: Ohio State vs. Texas
Final 1 vs. 2: Florida vs. Ohio State
Total Unranked: 9
Top 15 Unranked: 3
Biggest Falloff: Florida State (Preseason #10)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #3 Notre Dame (#19)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Wisconsin #5 and Boise State #6.

Notre Dame as a Top 5 Team was a joke. Not much else of this was a joke. The only losing teams came to their fate were via bowl games. Wisconsin and Boise State played jack-all squat for the regular season. So let’s be honest. It’s solid. Unspectacular. B-.

2007
Preseason 1 vs. 2: USC vs. LSU
Final 1 vs. 2: LSU vs. USC
Total Unranked: 10
Top 15 Unranked: 2
Biggest Falloff: Louisville (Preseason #11)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #3 Florida (#16), #5 Michigan (#19), #7 Wisconsin (#21)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Missouri #5 and Kansas #7.

Lloyd Carr was an impressive coach, wasn’t he? But there were not many misses in the top 25. And there were two teams that fell out of the rankings by virtue of being bad at the bowl game. But then again, who is the goddamn pollster* who keeps giving Duke a preseason vote? Kansas didn’t get one.

*See the comments. Steve Spurrier votes for every school that gave him money once.

2008
Preseason 1 vs. 2: Georgia vs. USC
Current 1 vs. 2: Alabama vs. Oklahoma
Total Unranked: 14
Top 15 Unranked: 7
Biggest Falloff: Tennessee (Preseason #5)
Preseason Top 10 below the Top 15? #1 Georgia (#19), #7 Missouri (#17)
Unranked Preseason to Top 10? Alabama #1, Utah #7, and Boise State #9.

LSU, West Virginia, Clemson, Auburn, Wisconsin, Kansas, Virginia Tech, Arizona State, Tennessee, Illinois, Oregon, South Florida, Michigan (which had 3 whole starters returning going into a new offense), and Fresno State. This is every team that is currently unranked. Each and every team had more votes than 80 percent of the B-List of 2008 College Football. Yep. TCU, Cincinnati, Ball State*, and Oklahoma State? 19 total votes. Triple that? You don’t even get to Fresno State. F. F. F. F, the current #1 was unranked for cripes sake!

*Buffalo 42, Ball State 24 means this will change by Sunday.

I hope you enjoyed that. It’s edutasmic! But what did we learn?

1. People are idiots.

The pollster who keeps giving Duke a vote? Any coach who believed in Michigan? People who don’t even take a cursory look at returning starters? Morons all.

2. The mid-major who you think would shock the world is not the mid-major you expect.

Good looking out on Fresno State this year. Utah, Boise State, TCU, Ball State were all much better.

3. It would be better if they waited a few weeks after the preseason poll for poll #2

Are the idiots in the Senate Proud of themselves?

…Didn’t I tell you this was going to happen? Saxby Chambliss was gonna win. I could see it coming.

So why oh why do you protect a man chairing a committee where he is as arch-conservative as an Oklahoma lunatic? Barack may be feeling magnaminous. But what the hell? You have a man who cannot win a primary over a negatively charismatic rich white guy named Ned.

…This is all you’re hearing isn’t it?