You know me. I like movies. I also have this nascent idea that I’m going to write a movie someday. So, for my own personal practice. And because I think this will at least be interesting, if not funny. I will attempt to set a narrative for this game.
We shall call this game Guns Up. It will be the story of a plucky quarterback thrust into the spotlight against an evil empire. In this instance? Texas will be a lietmotif for…the onslaught of Republican anger? No. Texas Tech has that sort of boisterous energy playing fast and loose with the facts with a lesser amount of talent.
So then, what will the Longhorns represent? Yes! The Longhorns represent the rigid corporate structure. Their team is something like a factory, attempting to develop people for a professional career. On the other hand? You look at the Red Raiders and they represent a rugged individualism. Spread ’em and shred ’em right? Right.
And of course, we need a Protagonist for this. An antihero who doesn’t seem to have a future at the next level. But you need someone with a real mental toughness and some wacky facial hair. So, obviously, the main character in guns up? Taylor Potts.
The Nemesis for this job is the heir to the Longhorn Throne. Will Muschamp. Now, I’m sure he’s a gentleman and good to his family and friends in real life, but for my purposes, he beat Bryan Orakpo upside the head and shoulders for insolence and killed Blake Gideon’s dog for costing Texas the National Championship game.
The Mentor is as obvious as the fact that he is going to have to die to make this storyline work. He is a pirate loving, stupid powerful offensive mind, give you sound dating advice, and unafraid to make any powerful organization angry toward him because he knows man. He knows. He’s a guru. He’s a shaman. He’s Charlie fuckin’ Kelly. That’s Mike Leach.
The Attractor? The survivng member of the Big 12 conference college of awesome from 2008. Colt McCoy. He’s the front man for the corprate entity that wishes to enchroach on the state of play in college football, and he is the George Bush to Will Muschamp’s Dick Cheney. Taylor Potts has to be the mustachoied Barack Obama.
(Come on. If it’s a movie, it has to be stridently liberal.)
And who is your Trickster? Often times in cinema, you have a mentor who also portrays the role of a trickster. And if someone who says “We’re going to treat (the next three games) all dramatically differently, and there will be all kinds of interesting little twists and nuances that we’ll do to each individual one to dignify it for its importance that exists in the overall scheme of the universe. There’ll be dramatic differences, and throughout the course of that deal, I’ll enjoy talking about it in length.” You know that the Mentor archetype is also a trickster. Mike Leach is your dual archetype. And he has to die.
All has to be lost in Guns Up. All has to be lost for our hero to be redeemed. So barring the tragic circumstances of a head coach dying before his time? This is going to have one of those endings nobody’s going to understand. But Peter Travers is going to call it visually arresting.