The Grand National Championships

June 11, 2009

The 19 Interesting NBA Free Agents…

I know better know. Basketball rankings in terms of NBA Hoop is just something I cannot do. So you know what? There’s going to be 19 players I’m going to list. No particular order. Why? Because I’m starting with Mike Bibby. He’s not #1 at anything.

Mike Bibby: (Bibby is the sort of guy who can fall through the tracks. His last contract was back when he was a stellar lead guard. Now? He’s a better than average starter. Who may not have a team in August.)
Zaza Pachulia: (You want a stealth energy guy to get you 8 boards a game on the low post who will be cheaper than Marcin Gortat? You go get Magilla Gorilla here.)
Ben Gordon: (He’s going to have to go to a team that doesn’t know what it’s doing. Why? Because he’s Vinnie Johnson skilled, with a starters mentality.)
Jason Kidd: (Because he is at once a great teammate and a horrible person.)
Allen Iverson: (It’s decision time. Do you want to be the man or do you want to win the title? Because you’re going to have to be a 6th man to do it.)
Rasheed Wallace: (His presence reenforces the culture of a team. A team with good intangibles gets better with Sheed. But if the culutre breaks bad? So will he.)
Ron Artest: (Come on. We know why.)
Lamar Odom: The jack of all trades with the most childlike of all vices. If he ever gets off Vitamin S? He’s gonna be more than a rich man’s Tim Thomas.)
Ramon Sessions: (How often do you get a 23 year old starter with excellent distributorial skills who will likely hit the market?)
Charlie Villanueva: (He’s 24 and already threatening 17-8. You get the next contract, and you have a shot at a nice run of 20-10.)
Hedo Turkugolu: (He was always a very nice point forward. But with his performance in this playoffs? He’s going to make bank. Some team’s gonna love him. Unless he keeps with the Turkish Nick Anderson.)
Andre Miller: (Sure, he’s past 30. But he’s an excellent distributor and he’s an iron man. He saved Philly last season.)
Drew Gooden: (Frontcourt Bibby.)
Shawn Marion: (The most underrated 15 million dollar man in hoops. Still gets many boards. Still defends like an ace. Sill can score 15-20 in a game.)
Mehmet Okur: (He’s a great shooter. In fact? Let’s call him low post Turkogulu.)
Carlos Boozer: (Because he’s injury prone. And kind of lazy. He’s going to Elton Brand the team that signs him.)
Paul Millsap: (He is the brawny Paper towel guy. He’s what DeJuan Blair wishes he would be.)
Anderson Varejao: (Not to belabor the point? But 6 million dollars was left on the table. He’s not even going to come close. He’s losing millions.)
Kobe Bryant: (With Andrew Bynum becoming an albatross, and 52 million being spent on 3 guys, plus either Ariza or Odom going if he stays? There is a better than you think chance he may opt out. He’s still a dick, we’ve just kind of accepted it.)

Yes. More on Game 4. Which I hate the NBA for making me miss part of Norm McDonald and Jim Gaffigan.

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