The Grand National Championships

May 25, 2009

In which I bother a blogger with more skill than me to denigrate Joe Mauer.

Filed under: Blogger inside baseball,BLooper,Cheater Nation,Mauer Power — by Andrew @ 12:54 pm

Sometimes, when I’m bored, I hit up the ol’ GTalk and chat with more famous bloggers than me. Why? Because it’s an easy way to get posts. And today, Mister One More Dying Quail Himself gets bothered. Why? Because he is a friend of blog.

me: Hmm
Joe Mauer has to be cheating
OMDQ: why?
because he’s a machine?
me: because he goes from Placido Polanco to Ted Williams
OMDQ: he’s always been a good average hitter
me: but this is Brian Roberts 2006 April sort of stuff
OMDQ: how dare you accuse Joe Mauer of such atrocities against the game?
don’t you know he’s an All-American boy
as pure as apple pie?
me: Apple Pie has high fructose corn syrup!
OMDQ: not a banned substance
yet
Sent at 1:41 PM on Monday
me: But baseball players got rich off of morally unethical yet legal substances
OMDQ: not really legal
me: He is cheating
My god
How can he hit like that?
OMDQ: because he has been blessed by the hand of almighty God himself
me: No one hits like that
Not even Dale Murphy in his prime
OMDQ: how dare you disparage Dale Murphy?
me: NO NO NO
I am saying that Joe Mauer is making all-american hero’s like Dale Murphy look bad
also Rik Smits was in Coming to America
OMDQ: poor Joe Mauer
me: why
he cheated
nobody can go deep off of the combined forces of Manny Parra, Braden Looper AND Dave Bush
OMDQ: this could happen
as remarkable as it seems, it could happen
me: The odds of that are so astronomical
So infinitesimal
As to suggest dirty pool
without submission to a battery of tests
Sent at 1:48 PM on Monday
me: And I take your silence as an agreement
You know I’m right
OMDQ: no, I just don’t care

Yeah. This is what I do. I take conversations and use them as posts. But maybe…

But maybe I just wanted to throw out an accustaion against a player who had a good series. And this is the only way I could recover from being Ice Burned by Joe Mauer.

Fucking Mauer.

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