The Grand National Championships

November 14, 2008

Hey Rog? We need to talk.

Filed under: Analysis,Fuhbawls,TGNC-CRTP Advice — by Andrew @ 8:23 pm

You know what happened yesterday. You saw it. Even if I didn’t. Or 80% of America. The Jets and the Patriots had a classic that just might have allowed Matt Cassel’s NFL balls to drop. And maybe an utterance of the New York Jets as a potential AFC contender wouldn’t be a joke either.

But we didn’t see it. We couldn’t see it. Somebody’s having a cognitive dissonance problem. My tag team partner’s already turned away from the NFL. I’m coming close.

But you can save it. You can save my love of the NFL. And it’s easier than you think. Really. Consider this a position paper. Consider this your path to redemption.

1. Get over yourself on the NFL Network.

Your demands for the channel are exorbitant. If you want to be on the basic cable tier, you need to take the same money as The Golf Channel. Otherwise, you’re going to remain on the expanded cable tier as well as in obscurity. You’re not Baseball, you’re not pro basketball. You need all your games to be seen by more than a potential 42 million viewers. What you miss in terms of revenue by this obstinance? It’s staggering.

2. Fix the NFL Network Game.

I’m about 120 minutes away from Green Bay. I could not get an NFL Network game from there. Which is stupid. Am I right Bemidji Vikings fan? So if you have a certain insistence that you have to have a game on the NFL Network? Three ways to go about it.

A. Make the game a Sunday Afternoon B Game. A lot of people want options versus the network A-Teams. I mean, who gets excited for listening to Joe Buck talk?
B. Expand the fuck out of the NFL’s definition of Local Markets. I mean really. Let Edwardsville watch the Bears for fuck’s sake!
C. The NFL Network takes all the games no one else wants. Seriously. Bengals Chiefs. That’s what the NFL Network is for.

3. Get your discipline house in order.

Who would have thought that the NFL would have problems with fines, referees, and fines based on criticisms of officiating? Common sense your shit for fucks sake!

4. Murder Brett Favre.

Okay, not literally. But the big problem is ESPN. ESPN just has to have a saga that they can beat into the ground. Now some have a certain legitmacy a.k.a. when the leashes broke. But eighty percent of the time?

Manufactured bullshit.

After the draft? It’s nothing more than a Brett Favre-Terrell Owens-Chris Mortensen got ANOTHER STORY WRONG clusterfuck. Why am I telling you this? Because you have the power to stop it. You killed Playmakers. You can force a 60-day hiatus of NFL live. And if you do it in the days and nights between the draft and the opening of training camp.

Either that or give us Wacky Clinton Portis Costumes. He’s awesome again!

Comedy can save us all Rog.

Comedy can save us all.

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