The Grand National Championships

October 24, 2008

30 Teams in 30 Hours: Memphis Grizzlies

In a word? Cratering. The ownership is incompetent. Chris Wallace? He is made of comedy. They are a car wreck. Like Jerry Lawler in a strip club.

The Coach? Marc Ivaroni. He’s going to bounce back as an awesome assistant. He’ll be okay despite the fact the front office gave him the okey doke.

The Team Itself?

Darrell Arthur: You think he’s a draft day steal? I have two words for ya! Wayne Simien!
Greg Buckner: Built Rick Barnes tough.
Mike Conley: He’s going to long jump over the 28 feet of pivot players.
Javaris Crittenton: The name oozes potential, but he’s like Ramon Sessions without the sextacular month.
Marc Gasol: The Craig Griffey of Spainish Athlete Familys.
Rudy Gay: Has overcome his unfortunate last name. Is truly the highlight of the nnight.
Hamed Haddadi: Memphis will draft Omri Cassipi and force him to room with Hamed. It will be the most tearjerking season of ESPN’s The Season…ever.
Marko Jaric: The reverse Tom Brady.
Kyle Lowry: His combo guardery needs a shot to come with it.
O.J. Mayo: Will get into a fight with Brian Lawler at a Memphis Stripclub.
Darko Milicic: He may yet grow up to be Andrew Bogut.
Quinton Ross: He’s the stopper off the bench. He’s like Adrian Griffin, only the man’s good at what he does.
Antoine Walker: He was a superstar once. The same way Michael Redd was.
Hakim Warrick: He’s a master tweener. He never filled out.

Final analysis? B.J. Mullens has a 33% chance of landing here.

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