The Grand National Championships

August 27, 2008

So, you know what?

I fell out of love hard with my Fantasy Football team last year. I fell out of love with Fantasy Football too. But you know what the problem was? I was too shitty to not land a good running back. That’s 2007.

2008? In 2008 my team became patriotic. And in 2008? My team might hopefully be good. And seeing nothing in my head? I’ll explain my situation.


Ben Roethlisberger: The fifth round quarterback who was 1) The last quarterback on the second tier. 2) In a system where you need a good quarterback to have a shot. 3) A quarterback too dumb to know that he was facing such a sadistic schedule.

Matt Schaub: If he and Andre Johnson last 16 games? Matt Schaub will be a worthy starter. For a 10th-round draft pick? He’s fine value.

Running Backs

LaDainian Tomlinson: Lucky for me, the team with the #1 pick had Purple Jesus as a lone highlight from last season. So, I drafted Tomlinson with a pensive confidence. Obvious decision is obvious.

Brandon Jacobs: Now, this is the pick that could cause me some consternation. Multiple talented back-ups, a bit of the injury prone. Passing on Drew Brees or Andre Johnson. But you know what? If he gets 10 scores, none of that matters.

Willis McGahee: Yeah, the Ravens seem lame offensively. But you know what? Cam Cameron has made plenty of bad offenses have stud running backs. Shit, Ronnie Brown had 1000 yards of total offense in 7 games. And McGahee seems better, right?

Ray Rice: Obvious handcuff is obvious.

LaMont Jordan: If 2007 was any indication, The Patriots don’t want Maroney to poud the rock on the goal line. Sammy Morris had all the goal line touches in 2007. And considering that Jordan is now an ex-Raider, his skills are much better. Even if he’s merely a vulture/back-up.

Wide Receivers

Santonio Holmes: Best receiver available in round four and oh my God he’s in his 3rd season, isn’t he? There’s interesting potential there.

Dwayne Bowe: Best case? He has double figure TD’s on the rare occasions that they actually need to go to the goal line. Worst case? The truth is adjusted and he’s really Michael Clayton.

Anthony Gonzalez: Marvin Harrison is a broken man. I sincerely believe that he will be the #2 and get more stats than Marhar Superstar.

Santana Moss: Best case scenario? I only have to use him when they play the Rams. Worst case scenario? He’s still a #1 receiver. And a west coast offense may make him interesting.

Josh Morgan: Home run swing who’s most likely to get cut for a bye-week replacement.

Tight Ends

Tony Scheffler: Obvious breakout candidate is obvious.

Zach Miller: By default, he is the #1 receiver in Oakland. Young quarterbacks rely on their tight ends. He’s got a shot at 150 targets.


Seattle Seahawks: Best value when I went to draft them. They’re imperfect, but they’ll win you a game or two. This teams tigerstyle is solid. In the 12th round? It works.


Mike Nugent: I was going to take Brandon Coutu here, but as the rumors went, Holmgren is going to idiotically take Olindo Mare as his kicker. And seeing as I would draft in the 16th round? I took the best kicker available.

All in all? Brandon Jacobs and my two starting receivers are the keys. If they do what I expect. (Which is solidly.) I’m fine.

If not? I apologize in advance. Sorry.


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