The Grand National Championships

July 21, 2008

The Darkovian Breakdown Part 2 (Running Backs.)

You know the deal by now, in one sentence I shall tell you about the carriers of the rock. These are the short-termed pimps and players of the Fantastical Ranks. You may see another Ryan Grant. Hell, you may see another Priest Holmes. If I find a name to know?

I’ll share. Because I love you.

Joseph Addai RB Indianapolis Colts: Consistently unspectacularly solidly good. Defenses can’t key on him, so he’ll be Mr. Intergrity.
Charles Ali RB Cleveland Browns: He can sting like a bee, but he’s stuck behind one-half of Money Inc.
Deon Anderson RB Dallas Cowboys: A promising debut has earned him full time opportunities to give Marion Barber glory.
J.J. Arrington RB Arizona Cardinals: There were high hopes for Mr. Arrington, but all he may be is a third down back. Could a change of scenery turn into Thomas Jones II? Meagan Good wants to know.
B.J. Askew RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Could be a decent running back if necessary, however, he’s a fine just fine as a fullback.
Marion Barber RB Dallas Cowboys: His Hulk Smash running style is now the full-on rapper instead of the DJ. So long as they keep Felix Jones in the mix, he’ll be good for the annoying part of America’s team.
Chris Barclay RB New Orleans Saints: Random kick-returner. Chris Berman will never get to call him Chris “Irish” Bsrclay.
Darian Barnes RB Buffalo Bills: He’s the #1 spot for the Buffalo Bills in terms of Fullbackery.
Jackie Battle RB Kansas City Chiefs: Get a team that’s willing to run a single-back and spread the field? He could do something with that. He’s burly power runner.
Steve Baylark RB Arizona Cardinals: The more fuel-efficient Marcel Shipp.
Mike Bell RB Free Agent: Selvin Young’s cautionary tale.
Tatum Bell RB Detroit Lions: If you don’t believe in Kevin Smith, this will be the absolute last and final chance for Tatum Bell’s success.
Michael Bennett RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Third-string running back. Warrick Dunn will get his third-down/change of pace touches.
Ladell Betts RB Washington Redskins: Purely a handcuff option when I’m talking right now. Injury means opportunity, but they won’t love him like they love the Janky Spanky.
DeCori Birmingham RB Carolina Panthers: He’s Matt Cassell in running back form. At least he is if you believe in Angelon Willart.
Lorenzo Booker RB Philadelphia Eagles: King Bookah is who he is, if you’re a 20 team receptions = a point league? You want a shot at the Book. If not? Wait until Westbrook gets hurt. He should beat out Ryan Moats.
Cory Boyd RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: In a world where the Cadillac may be in the shop forever, Cory Boyd is a man mad at the world. But he’s got the run skills to handle winning a job if he keeps a cool head.
Jon Bradley RB Detroit Lions: He’s a 310-pound fullback! Do nyou need to know anything else?
Ahmad Bradshaw RB New York Giants: The relationship with Brandon Jacobs will be mutually beneficial, so long as he decides to dump his relationship with ner do wellery.
Nehemiah Broughton RB Washington Redskins: He may end up being a third-string fullback by the time camp is done. Rock Cartwright has skills that the rich stoner just does not have.
Chris Brown RB Houston Texans: Brief flashes of brilliance marred by months of doubtful health.
Ronnie Brown RB Miami Dolphins: You will not hear one person say that Ronnie Brown will be a better bet for 2009 because of his ACL Injury. I won’t either. He’s a dump-off champ, son!
Thomas Brown RB Atlanta Falcons: An ability to stay healthy has tarnished his star. But Knoshon Moreno loves him for it. Anyway, he’ll be a bridge between Norwood’s Flash and Michael Turner’s Human Torch.
Correll Buckhalter RB Philadelphia Eagles: He is what he is, a great back-up, but you fear giving him even 90 carries in a season.
Eldra Buckley RB San Diego Chargers: He has a wikipedia entry. I am baffled. But his dreadlocks. Spectacular. Simply awe-inspiring.
Michael Bush RB Oakland Raiders: Behind McFadden and Fargas, and maybe even LaMont Jordan? He needs to bring his stuff, because he could go from Sleeper City to Cut Town without any real opportunity.
Reggie Bush RB New Orleans Saints: He’s never gonna be a full-time running weapon, but he should rally. He just needs a power-back to allow him to be a weapon. Or failing that, stop having sex with Kardashian.
Brian Calhoun RB Detroit Lions: Ex-Badgers get treated as Bellcows, and if you have 330 carries in a college season? There is a potential bust spectre hanging over your head.
Rock Cartwright RB Washington Redskins: Remarkably good returner for a team that spent free agent dollars to bring one in. His skills rival Hester. Really.
Aveion Cason RB Detroit Lions: The inexplicable fixture on the Lions.
Tim Castille RB Arizona Cardinals: May be the fullback starter on the cheap.
Jamaal Charles RB Kansas City Chiefs: He’s a perfect change of pace back. Herman Edwards may not know it, but he’s the guy with 102 college runs of 10 yards or more. If LJ can still be the Magic Man? Charles should be El Diablo?
Jesse Chatman RB New York Jets: Hey, did you know he used to be fat?
Tashard Choice RB Dallas Cowboys: He’s gonna wait his turn, but he would provide 90% of Marion Barber if the Texas Stadium turf would cast him asunder.
Thomas Clayton RB San Francisco 49ers: He’s got passable skills. He could do some things if he ever had a chance. But he’ll be on a practice squad.
Patrick Cobbs RB Miami Dolphins: The dollar tree Cedric Cobbs in Physical Skill. But he comes with some actual character!
Alonzo Coleman RB Dallas Cowboys: With Michael Jenkins, Felix Jones, Miles Austin and another dude. He’s gone by first cut.
Jameel Cook RB Houston Texans: A back-up fullback with good special team skills? I’m stunned.
Casey Cramer RB Tennessee Titans: One of seven tight ends currently on the Titans roster. I am not kidding about this.
Ronnie Cruz RB Dallas Cowboys: A South Dakotan Back-Up Fullback.
P.J. Daniels RB Baltimore Ravens: Replacing Musa Smith as the talented running back who has four trips to Injured Reserve.
Kenneth Darby RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: In an alternate universe? He was the dude that shocked the world after Cadillac and Pittman got hurt. But he’ll be available soon enough.
Carey Davis RB Pittsburgh Steelers: Has a degree in Leisure Studies. But my street smarts destroy his doctorate.
Jason Davis RB Philadelphia Eagles: May need therapy if he can’t beat out Dan Klecko.
Clifton Dawson RB Indianapolis Colts: The greatest Ivy League practice squadder in the NFL since Jeff Otis.
DeDe Dorsey RB Cincinnati Bengals: He may deserve more of a shot this year. Small sample size in 2007, but in terms of 15 yeard gains he had 6 in 25 touches.
Robert Douglas RB New York Giants: An undersized fullback. I have no joke here. Get a better name!
Reuben Droughns RB New York Giants: Proof positive of the Hobbesian nature of professional football. He’s two years removed from an solid season for a shitty Browns team, he seemed to lose a step going through 2006, and was decent, but supplanted by the three amigos as a Giant. His career may hang on an injury opportunity.
T.J. Duckett RB Seattle Seahawks: A thunderback stuck in the player personnel friend zone.
Kevin Dudley RB New Orleans Saints: A fullback for camp purposes.
Warrick Dunn RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: One of a kind. Good person, good sense of humor, great pass catcher who thrived in the peak of the Michael Vick era. He’ll be in the Hall of Very Good soon enough.
Adimchinobi Echemandu RB Oakland Raiders: Nehemiah Broughton without the chance of a job.
Kyle Eckel RB New England Patriots: Because he went to a service academy, his brand of special teams is the best around. Nothings gonna ever bring it down. U-S-A-U-S-A!
Heath Evans RB New England Patriots: The personification of just how awesome the Patriots offense was last season. This baby guard got three scores.
Jonathan Evans RB Buffalo Bills: In his spare time, he’s the director general of MI5.
Justin Fargas RB Oakland Raiders: Finally showing some of the potential that he held way back when at Michigan. If he’s healthy, remember this one fact. Tom Rathman and Lane Kiffin love him.
Kevin Faulk RB New England Patriots: The Urban Dictionary definition for a 3rd down running back.
Jerome Felton RB Detroit Lions: There are some in the Rod Marinelli camp who may want him to be the clock grinder this season. Will he? Maybe. Read his bio. It’s awesome.
Troy Fleming RB Carolina Panthers: The other pure fullback on the roster.
Justin Forsett RB Seattle Seahawks: Needs to show off the mad return skills to avoid the practice squad of some team.
Matt Forte RB Chicago Bears: The thunderback until Kevin Jones hurts himself. He may be one who won’t fall to the 330 college carry curse, if only due to opportunity and the fact he can catch a pass or two.
John Paul Foschi RB Kansas City Chiefs: Casey Cramer with a thick Atlanta/New York hybrid accent.
DeShaun Foster RB San Francisco 49ers: Flashes of brilliance overshadowed by months of mediocrity and fearful red-zone running. Alex Smith’s growing bust status will not help his cause. Fun Fact: He rushed for 59 scores in a single season.
Quinton Ganther RB Tennessee Titans: More tackles than rushing yards.
Nick Goings RB Carolina Panthers: Special teams effort man.
Frank Gore RB San Francisco 49ers: Mike Martz may do what three knee injuries couldn’t. But if he gets the touches, he’ll start some shit.
Earnest Graham RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: A retarded Emmitt Smith with an improving line.
Ryan Grant RB Green Bay Packers: In 10 games, he was spectacular last season. He’s playing for a new contract. He’s playing to keep the Packers in contention and to forget about he who shall not be named.
Ahman Green RB Houston Texans: Never trust a running back over 30. Ahman fell off a cliff last season. They’re praying for something in Houston.
Justin Green RB Baltimore Ravens: The scouting report calls him an adequate special teamer. Really. That’s likely better shit than what you’re doing. I SAT AT A FAIR!
Justin Griffith RB Oakland Raiders: Nickname? Cokey. Also? A starting fullback.
Boomer Grigsby RB Miami Dolphins: The Dolphins fullback situation is like a superhero team up. They meet, they fight. They realize they should be friends and team up to save the day. Or get five wins.
Ahmard Hall RB Tennessee Titans: One of the Undrafted Free Agents whom played with Vince Young in college. He is there to provide comfort in troubled times.
Andre Hall RB Denver Broncos: You can safely trust that he’s not going to get 1,000 yards from the Broncos.
Korey Hall RB Green Bay Packers: Reason why the fullback position is unimportant #343983, a rookie linebacker became a passable fullback in his first year after the switch.
Greg Hanoian RB Kansas City Chiefs: He’s a fullback with intestinal fortitude. Or delusion. I root for delusion.
Kay-Jay Harris RB New York Giants: Hasn’t given up on the dream, despite the fact that he’s 30 and will be cut yet again. His delusion inspires many in my line of work.
Jerome Harrison RB Cleveland Browns: With the burgeoning skills of the browns offense, Jerome is becoming a valid option in the 3rd down/change of pace world.
Mike Hart RB Indianapolis Colts: Entirely too slow to be a real NFL success. LEARN TO BLOCK, PARTNER!
Alex Haynes RB Carolina Panthers: Is currently mooching off troubled songstress Amy Winehouse.
Madison Hedgecock RB New York Giants: In a past life he was a pizza delivery boy for the likes of Jesse Jane and Memphis Monroe.
Chris Henry RB Tennessee Titans: Irony? Of all the shenanigans that Chris Henry’s pulled, it was the running back who had more shit stick to him. But he’s a juicer who was picked as a workout warrior. Do the math.
Noah Herron RB Green Bay Packers: The baddest man on the planet when it comes to bed legs.
Jacob Hester RB San Diego Chargers: Proper racial comparison? Mike Alstott.
Maurice Hicks RB Minnesota Vikings: Will be the new Mewelde Moore. (Pass Catcher, returner, but if he gets regular carries, shit’s gone wrong.)
Tim Hightower RB Arizona Cardinals: A bargain bin Marion Barber. Runs hard, runs mean, and may actually end the Arrington expiriment.
Quadtrine Hill RB Chicago Bears: A fake name to see if you were paying attention.
Lex Hilliard RB Miami Dolphins: 50 Career touchdowns in 49 games at Montana. Likely means nothing.
Peyton Hillis RB Denver Broncos: A Garrett Mills who started in the backfield. Wishes he could grow up to be Larry Centers.
Brad Hoover RB Carolina Panthers: I hate him for the same reason Panthers fans love him. The white guy battering ram who ran for 100+ yards against the Packers on Monday Night Football. YOU COST MY TEAM A PLAYOFF BERTH, YOU JERK!
Oliver Hoyte RB Kansas City Chiefs: He’s a fullback with starting experience.
Tony Hunt RB Philadelphia Eagles: A slow powerback who may never be successful. He is proud of his 3 touchdowns last preseason.
Kenny Irons RB Free Agent: An injury-prone Auburn alum? What? Well, he’s coming off a torn ACL and wasn’t exactly healthy in college either. But the Bengals gave up on him kinda quick.
Brandon Jackson RB Green Bay Packers: Man, ex-second round running backs have a history of being awful, right? Bad blocker. Decent receiver. But he ran so poorly when the starting job was his.
Fred Jackson RB Buffalo Bills: Coe College’s Jeff Query. Good speed and great hands. He’s Marshawn’s back-up.
Steven Jackson RB Kansas City Chiefs: His eyes have seen unspeakable tragedy. You don’t want to know.
Steven Jackson RB St. Louis Rams: Al Saunders can do some amazing things with him. If Pace stays healthy? He’ll be back to good.
Tony Jackson RB Oakland Raiders: He’s so cut, he was gone five days ago.
Brandon Jacobs RB New York Giants: He can’t get himself to the necessary amount of carries to be a full time back, can he? Ahmad Bradshaw and Derrick Ward may not let him.
Edgerrin James RB Arizona Cardinals: You wouldn’t think he’s a crafty veteran. But guess what? He is. And his line is improving.
Chris Johnson RB Tennessee Titans: He could be a faster Brian Westbrook. Great hands, legs that move like quicksilver. Believe in him.
Jeremi Johnson RB Cincinnati Bengals: He’s a Pro Bowl Caliber lead blocker.
Larry Johnson RB Kansas City Chiefs: Should be okay, so long as he doesn’t have to be the man, myth, and only water carrier. He needs Jamaal Charles.
Rudi Johnson RB Cincinnati Bengals: 1,300 yards is a pipe dream. 12 scores may not be. Don’t expect a starter or a solid end of round 1 pick.
Felix Jones RB Dallas Cowboys: He’s a very complimentary back. He has good wheels and can break any run that he can.
Greg Jones RB Jacksonville Jaguars: Two years removed from ACL surgery, could he be a Stacey Mack vulture?
Julius Jones RB Seattle Seahawks: If he can run confidently? He’ll be an upgrade in Shaun Alexander. If he can’t run confidently? He’ll still be better.
Kevin Jones RB Chicago Bears: Still physically gifted. He may be a Round 5-6 sleeper if the line recoalesces.
Thomas Jones RB New York Jets: From between the twenties and on 2nd down, he’s fine. Also, his ladyfriend is rather attractive. But he’s useless in a scoring league. Useless!
Maurice Jones-Drew RB Jacksonville Jaguars: Will hit 2,000 all-purpose yards. I can guarantee it.
LaMont Jordan RB Free Agent: He plays hard when he knows his career is on the line. But he loves the Lady Terps. Sadly, in this zone-running workaday world, he may be screwed.
Mike Karney RB New Orleans Saints: The top of the pops, as far as blocking backs go. He’s why Pierre Thomas may be good.
Zak Keasey RB San Francisco 49ers: His teams fantasy football name is the Keasey Van Peazy’s
Kenton Keith RB Indianapolis Colts: He’ll charge you 75 dollars for an Autographed Football. But it may actually be worth it.
David Kirtman RB Seattle Seahawks: Your third string fullback’s gonna get cut.
John Kuhn RB Green Bay Packers: Has potential to be a solid blocker. But come on. He lost out to a linebacker in his first camp. He’s crap.
Billy Latsko RB Pittsburgh Steelers: He’s just happy to be here.
Luke Lawton RB Philadelphia Eagles: He’s a journeyman fullback. 8 different paychecks since 2004. He’s not important to your life.
Vonta Leach RB Houston Texans: Actually a pretty good fullback. Owen Daniels owners hate him for his freedom.
Brian Leonard RB St. Louis Rams: He’s the modern day Rob Konrad.
Jamal Lewis RB Cleveland Browns: He may not last the contract. Let alone the season. But so long as he stays healthy? Jamal is good.
Marshawn Lynch RB Buffalo Bills: On the field? He’s gonna have James Hardy as red zone protection. Off the field? He’s [joke about his hit and run] got some things to worry about.
Chris Manderino RB Kansas City Chiefs: His real last name is actually Manderinberg. Assimilation and fraternity brothers have helped him go to camp.
Laurence Maroney RB New England Patriots: He’s a home run hitter who needs a thunder to keep his running game fully actualized. Sammy Morris may not be enough.
Marcus Mason RB Washington Redskins: He’s a local boy in camp for the purposes of an extra body. Move along, kids.
Chris Massey RB St. Louis Rams: Long-snapper.
Reagan Mauia RB Miami Dolphins: He’s a big running back. Not really a good fullback. Thus? He’s got problems and issues.
Deuce McAllister RB New Orleans Saints: His knees may have ended the career of Dylmus.
Le’Ron McClain RB Baltimore Ravens: Ignore him. He’s a fullback. He has bill-paying skills. But he’s not worth your time Fantasy fans.
Darren McFadden RB Oakland Raiders: The Silver and Black Jesus. He’ll be gone by Early Round 4 at the latest.
Willis McGahee RB Baltimore Ravens: He’s finally starting to get his shit together. And Cam Cameron could turn him into a Ronnie Brown.
Corey McIntyre RB Atlanta Falcons: Special teams captain is special.
Jason McKie RB Chicago Bears: Helps his running back, a decent safety valve.
Rashard Mendenhall RB Pittsburgh Steelers: The Fighting Illini alumnus I know of are split as to his divinity. I think he’s got touchdowns in him though.
Travis Minor RB St. Louis Rams: His value is in special teams only.
Ryan Moats RB Philadelphia Eagles: Dumpster dive for Brian Westbrook and you get Ryan Moats.
Mewelde Moore RB Pittsburgh Steelers: The rejected urban dictionary definition of the third down back, despite his awesomeness.
Vernand Morency RB Green Bay Packers: He’s wholly dependent on the knee. If it doesn’t heal, he’s Dominack Davis done.
Maurice Morris RB Seattle Seahawks: With Julius Jones as the new girl in town, Maurice Morris is the cute housewife about to get murdered.
Sammy Morris RB New England Patriots: He’s not a full-timer. But as a bit of back-up thunder? Meh. Add the passing game? HE’S POUNDING NOOBS! WOOT!
Ovie Mughelli RB Atlanta Falcons: The stealth reason that the Atlanta Falcons may be better. He’s got lead-blocking bonafides.
Moran Norris RB San Francisco 49ers: Can’t handle people playing well against him.
Jerious Norwood RB Atlanta Falcons: People want to see him with 250 carries. His speed is world class, y’all. Free Jerious Norwood!
Oren O’Neal RB Oakland Raiders: The back up fullback is a friend to the mulleted.
Xavier Omon RB Buffalo Bills: Can he be a real sleeper? Maybe. Just remember Brian Shay though. He never had professional success after division two dominance.
Montell Owens RB Jacksonville Jaguars: According to Wikipedia? He’s really All Pro John Henderson.
Willie Parker RB Pittsburgh Steelers: Yardage, but he will never score the touchdowns. He’ll get 1200 yards again. Probably 1 score.
Jalen Parmele RB Miami Dolphins: A Chester Taylor clone. Good power. High effort. Remember this name. Ronnie Brown has a bad knee and Ricky Williams is…Ricky Williams.
Allen Patrick RB Baltimore Ravens: He’s a gunner. And that’s about it.
Chris Perry RB Cincinnati Bengals: His injury-proneness has been an issue. And since Kenny Irons can’t stay healthy, this draft bust still has a job.
Adrian Peterson RB Minnesota Vikings: His running game is deserving of his deified nickname. If he ever plays 16 games? 2200 yards.
Adrian Peterson RB Chicago Bears: And yet? The other Adrian Peterson had to work some miracles to get himself into the league.
Artose Pinner RB Detroit Lions: Pro football prospectus has a crazy stat. He had a run on a fake punt that went a lot longer than his total rushing yards. (44 yards to -3 on 2 carries.) Forget about him.
Andrew Pinnock RB San Diego Chargers: A lack of durability means he lost a free road to starting.
Antonio Pittman RB St. Louis Rams: All he has to do is keep working and he’ll be fine.
Michael Pittman RB Denver Broncos: Has never tested positive for the cream or the clear.
Lousaka Polite RB Chicago Bears: Proof that fullbacks have become pretty fungible. There would be little drop-off between him and McKie
P.J. Pope RB Chicago Bears: Gets the most out of what he has. It is more effort than combine numbers.
Clinton Portis RB Washington Redskins: He’s a great running back, even with the little things such as blitz pick-up, when he can see the field. If you expect 12 games, you’ll be okay with him.
Dominic Rhodes RB Indianapolis Colts: Still not used to being Joesph Addai’s Butt Boy.
Alan Ricard RB Detroit Lions: He was once a good fullback. Now he’s a back-up behind an ex-defensive tackle. The things you do to put food on the table.
Ray Rice RB Baltimore Ravens: If the 330 carry curse from Pro Football Prospectus exists? Ray Rice will get hit. I’m expecting a break down. If he stays healthy he can do a Mo-Jo impersonation.
Tony Richardson RB New York Jets: He’s Batman. Really.
Michael Robinson RB San Francisco 49ers: An excellent athlete who’s the best third-stringer/special teamer in football.
Cory Ross RB Baltimore Ravens: Week 17 of last year may be all the experience he gets. Would need Musa Smith, P.J. Daniels, and Allen Patrick to get hurt to keep a job.
J.D. Runnels RB Chicago Bears: More Larry Centers than Lousaka Polite. Wrestling fans would love to know that yes, he is related to The American dream “Dusty Rhodes.”
Gary Russell RB Pittsburgh Steelers: A dollar tree Najeh Davenport. A bit slower, a bit less criminal motivation, a bit less power.
Cecil Sapp RB Denver Broncos: He wishes he could be Reubern Droughns. But he’s a good wall blocker.
A.J. Schable RB New York Jets: He’s Jim Kleinsasser with pass rush skills. Or punting skills. Seriously. Boy can quick kick.
Owen Schmitt RB Seattle Seahawks: His value may be more of a flaky archetype than actual playing time.
Mike Sellers RB Washington Redskins: As fullbacks go, he’s Office Space.
Eric Shelton RB Washington Redskins: As second round running backs go, he’s pretty sucky. 9 games in 3 years for the Panthers. He’s got the physicality to do damage if he got his shit together.
Marcel Shipp RB Arizona Cardinals: He is who he is. A good pass catcher. Too slow to be a full-time running back. May enter forced retirement.
Steve Slaton RB Houston Texans: He has a future as a third-down back. Not much else.
Kevin Smith RB Detroit Lions: More likely to get hurt than help Zack and Miri make a porno.
Kolby Smith RB Kansas City Chiefs: He’s the make you miss guy. With an improved line, he can make some magic.
Musa Smith RB New York Jets: The Swahili King wants Roy Williams dead. Dead I tell you!
Terrelle Smith RB Arizona Cardinals: Solid blocker with an angry demeanor. Is he about to be cut?
Jason Snelling RB Atlanta Falcons: Has the game to pull off a sneaky run of yardage and scores if ever the situation arose.
Darren Sproles RB San Diego Chargers: Garrett Wolfe wishes he was fly like him.
Aaron Stecker RB New Orleans Saints: A great special teamer who can actually handle his shit if he had some playing time.
Jonathan Stewart RB Carolina Panthers: May even be a better running back than Darren McFadden. If he can stay healthy.
Byron Storer RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: An undersized fullback who likely won’t matter.
Naufahu Tahi RB Minnesota Vikings: A back-up fullback that gives high effort? No!
Thomas Tapeh RB Minnesota Vikings: As lead blocking goes? He’s gonna be a big help to the Purple Jesus.
Chester Taylor RB Minnesota Vikings: The most necessary back-up in football. By far.
Chris Taylor RB Houston Texans: The only 400 pound Olympian you’ve ever seen!
Fred Taylor RB Jacksonville Jaguars: Will either be awesome or injured. He knows nothing else.
Marcus Thomas RB San Diego Chargers: Could be decent at everything, but will never master anything. Needs a better opportunity than San Diego.
Pierre Thomas RB New Orleans Saints: He’s a solid running back who beat out a 4th round pick last year. He’s a reason why running backs just might be the best of free talent possibility.
LaBrandon Toefield RB Carolina Panthers: He’s a third-string running back who could be decent if injury strikes the Panthers badly.
LaDainian Tomlinson RB San Diego Chargers: Simply the best, better than all the rest, except for those 4 to 6 weeks he sucks. He’s better than everyone.
Ryan Torain RB Denver Broncos: Will have somebody claim he can get to 1,000 yards. He has the power that Shanahan likes.
Michael Turner RB Atlanta Falcons: Is hunting nerds who are convinced that he is a zombified comic book artist. Also, his offensive line sucks.
Lawrence Vickers RB Cleveland Browns: His tag team name with Jamal Lewis? Money Inc.
Justin Vincent RB Pittsburgh Steelers: Went from a Freshman Sensation all the way to a guy I once confused for Jacob Hester. And if you google image search this name. You’ll know how far he fell.
Darius Walker RB Houston Texans: Undersized, but he ran passably well when he had opportunities last year. He have to hold on hard to last December, though.
Derrick Ward RB New York Giants: Combines Bradshaw’s pass-catching and Brandon Jacobs power into a package that could win the starting job if he could ever stay healthy. He is the Giants best overall runner.
Danny Ware RB New York Giants: An intriguing practice squadder who may not have room at the Giants inn. Maybe the Packers should trade for him too?
Chauncey Washington RB Jacksonville Jaguars: Very similar to LaBrandon Toefield in that he has lived in Running Back By Committee’s and is a Fred Taylor injury from playing time. But he’s more bowling ball with good hands. And that’s someone elses job.
Leon Washington RB New York Jets: The captain of the young gun/versatile third down backs. He is on the Warrick Dunn career path.
Kenny Watson RB Cincinnati Bengals: The only Penn State running back who may not fall off the cliff by 2010. Great pass-catcher. Just don’t expect him to be the short yardage bomber.
Leonard Weaver RB Seattle Seahawks: He saved the Seahwaks running game after Mack Strong retired. And now they’ve got Owen Schmitt. So Leonard Weaver can fuck off. Yay!
Brian Westbrook RB Philadelphia Eagles: When healthy, he is the most versatile back in the NFL and in a PPR league he is the 3rd best running back of all time.
Corey White RB Green Bay Packers: Loves the work of Liberal Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow.
LenDale White RB Tennessee Titans: His love of stoner cooking may limit his football career. But his Chicken and Swiss Cheeto Sandwich recipe is to die for. Draft him in the 3rd round and eat a raw hot dog.
Carnell Williams RB Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Last years injury was so bad that you’ll not see him in 2008.
DeAngelo Williams RB Carolina Panthers: Obvious breakout candidate is obvious.
Ricky Williams RB Miami Dolphins: He’s in the last year of the deal. In the final process of wasting a career. He’s 31. He could be done for real now.
Garrett Wolfe RB Chicago Bears: Wants to grow up to be Darren Sproles. But Devin Hester won’t let him.
Dwayne Wright RB Buffalo Bills: Dwayne Wright’s a Brian Leonard clone. A little too slow for pure tailbackery. A little too small for blocking back. He’s Xavier Omon’s main competition for a spot.
Jason Wright RB Cleveland Browns: A passable back-up who’s in a 3rd down back race with Jerome Harrison. He’s an excellent special teamer.
DeShawn Wynn RB Green Bay Packers: If Wynn stops dancing, Wynn could be awesome. But if he hasn’t now? He won’t.
Selvin Young RB Denver Broncos: Like I said, The Shanahan could disappear him right quick.

If you don’t know it by now, you’ll know it soon enough.

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