The Grand National Championships

January 16, 2008

I was going to write a defense of Packer Mania

It was going to be reasoned. It was going to be well thought out. It was going to be one of my greatest posticles ever.

I scrapped it. 567 words of truth and beauty. Why? Because this was today’s top story in the local news.

  • A Pardeeville man was arrested on Monday on suspicion of restraining his 7-year-old son with tape after the boy refused to wear a Green Bay Packers jersey this weekend.

This is your Pardeeville Man. His name? Matthew Kowald. He looks like a fat rednecked J.D. Ryznar.

I am a winner!

Yes. Matthew Kowald was so into Packer mania (and Mad Dog 20/20), that he decided to make his son wear a Packers jersey. And when he refused, he bound his seven year old son with tape, the Packers jersey on his body.

Of course, he called in to a local TV station saying that it was all just a game and he was playing with his kids. I mean, every dad in the world knows that all kids love to be bound with tape, right? We are the state that gave rise to Houdini after all.

So yeah. We have our bad apple. We have our indefensible act. This is what it sounds like when Homers are embarrassed.

(Still, go to the Super Bowl please? K THX BYE!) 


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