The Grand National Championships

November 17, 2007

The Jackrabbit Slims Heisman Trophy!

I know some of us have been thrilled that they are able to take a break from all of these gosh darn comparisons. I know I have. But point of fact is these posts get hits, and all in all, we need to take the time and bring a new batch of Heisman Trophy Avatars into the kitchen.

And we will do this like Quentin Tarantino would.



Tim Tebow IS Jules Winfield!


You can strike Tebow down. You can ambush him and shoot at him from point blank range. But he is a man worthy of the bad mother fucker wallet. He will rise up every time you strike him down. Next year? He will be drafted by a team that will make him the new Peyton Manning, only with a lot fewer commercials.

Chase Daniel IS Ringo (a.k.a. Pumpkin)

Chase Daniel has three games to attempt something as audacious as a restaurant robbery. If he can win out, and look impressive doing it, he will be playing for the National Championship and could usurp the might and magic of one Tim Tebow for the Heisman. However, he may too hindered by Honey Bunny A.K.A. the really bad pass defense. That and he already lost to OU.

Dennis Dixon IS Marcellus Wallace

Dennis Dixon was the baddest man on the planet. He was pulling in the talent of the hot white woman. He was throwing suckas off of buildings just because his sensibilities were offended. But one knee injury, and like Marcellus Wallace, Dennis Dixon got effed in the A.

Juice Williams IS “The Gimp”

While ulitimately meaningless to the Heisman proceedings, Juice Williams has the potential to fuck your shit up. Don’t believe me? Ask Ohio State how their ass feels after Juice stretched that shit out.

Andre Woodson IS Butch Coolidge


Andre Woodson was an entertaining subplot to this season. After all, he brought Kentucky into the Top 10. But besides them shooting Vincent Vega (LSU) on the toilet. Their subplot was ultimately tacked on. Admit it. Even still, when the pressure was on and it looked like he was going to take it up the ass, he kept his head on a swivel and he took control of the situation.

Yes, it looks like Tebow’s to win, but the way things are going? I would not sleep on Daniel. Tebow can’t talk his way out of a bad defense every week.




  1. Love the idea.

    But the gimp’s asleep.

    Comment by TheGoldfishCowboy — November 17, 2007 @ 5:35 pm |Reply

  2. Then you better go wake his ass up!

    Comment by Elvi Patterson! — November 17, 2007 @ 5:44 pm |Reply

  3. Looks like Dennis Dixon lost all his Heisman privileges.

    Comment by GMadness — November 17, 2007 @ 9:32 pm |Reply

  4. So who is Mr. Wolf? I vote Todd Reesing. Any time the defense makes a mistake, he’s there to solve problems

    Comment by KGRdC — November 17, 2007 @ 9:59 pm |Reply

  5. Ha. Great references. Pulp Fiction is still one of the best movies of the 1990s. It’ll definitely hold up.

    Comment by trademark registration — November 18, 2007 @ 12:20 am |Reply

  6. KGRdC: Yes, Mister Wolf is Reesing. If only for the fact that KU can’t start the celebration (sucking each others…chickens) even though they’re #2 in the Nation.

    Comment by Andrew — November 18, 2007 @ 7:13 am |Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: