How do I know he’s hack? His production company is not in the Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan Area. But it’s not as if he didn’t have money. It’s just that he didn’t have enough money for my brilliant treatment.
What could be so brilliant? Oh, how about a little thing called the Gilbert Arenas Halo Controversy!
What IF? A dominant, flaky, closer DILBERT ARENAS gets Shanghai’ed into a military campaign by a Faceless Military man and the pretty computer lady that lives in his head based on his video game skills.
It’s your basic SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF meets THE LAST STARFIGHTER.
After taking out the Colorado Rockies on nine pitchers, our hero Dilbert sweet talks the local media. And after a successful twenty minutes of framing his image, the only people whom are left are a rifle wielding solidier with a faceplate covering his face. He calls himself “THE DUKE,” and in his head is the voice of a girl, she calls herself CORDELIA. And since Dilbert is the greatest player at their game ANGELSTORM EXTREME, they are asking for his help to finish the fight.
DILBERT: OH SNAP!
Suffice it to say, Dilbert demures. But The Duke? He insists.
THE DUKE: I INSIST! BOOM!
Dilbert takes a rifle smash to the face, and when next he wakes up? He’s getting briefed for battle. And he gets sent into battle. And put it this way? It doesn’t work out near the way Dilbert thought it would.
QUITE FRANKLY, IT WAS AN ABJECT DISASTER!
Dilbert survives by running, but he gets thrown into space jail. That’s where he runs into Cordelia. And after a tasteful sex scene and a rocking montage, Dilbert’s ready to finish the fight. He learns something about not using shortcuts to get to the top…and maybe a little something about himself?
LET MY VA-JAY-JAY HEAL YOUR ACHING SOUL…
WHERE?: New Shea Stadium and OUTER SPACE…SPace…space…
WHY?: Because it would be awesome! Baseball, cheating, sex and violence. It is the quinessential All-american film.
It’s the movie that will heal this nation.
Oh, and the lady from Transformers is attached as CORDELIA
Yeah. It would have made three hundred million dollars too. I have no clue how they passed. They offered me ten dollars to never come back.
I asked for twenty. I got nothing.
I could have had Chinese food at the buffet that’s a front for a cult.
I am sad now.