The Grand National Championships

October 7, 2007

Roger Clemens has no heart.

My dad and I were watching the start of the Yankees-Indians game. Roger Clemens was the starter and he was scuffling. I said to my dad. “Roger’s gonna fake an injury.”

He was surprised at my projection, but I went on. Any time he stuggles, he taps out early. He goes out like a chump.

The next inning? Phillip Hughes takes the mound. 

Don’t believe me? Look back at some of his “Greatest” playoff hits.

  • 1990 ALCS Game Four. Clemens, already allowing a run in the second inning, allows two more base runners. The second on a walk. With Mike Gallego at the plate, Roger starts swearing at the home plate umpire. He gets ejected (supposedly in a trancelike state). The inherited runners score. Boston gets swept.
  • 1999 ALCS Game Two. Boston fans don’t know that General Manager Dan Duquette thought him finished. So when he comes back, he gets the Darryl Strawberry treatment. He gives up five in the first. Lasts 2 and 1/3 innings claiming a bad back. The Yankees lose their only postseason game 13-1.
  • Let’s not forget Game Two of the 2000 World Series and throwing the bat at Piazza. That was classy behavior there.
  • 2001 ALDS Game One. After he’s given up two solo shots, he starts to twitch in the fifth. He pulls his hamstring. Yankees lose 5-3.
  • 2003 ALCS Game Seven. Roger Clemens, already given up 4 runs, pulls his hamstring after a home run, a walk and a base hit. Mike Mussina comes up spectacular and the Yankees come back to win in a game that Bill Simmons called “Total Fucking Bullshit!”
  • 2005 World Series Game One. Clemens gives up three runs on four hits in two innings. After walking to the dugout under his own power, he starts to limp like an “injured” soccer star when he reaches the dugout steps.
  • Tonight. 2007 ALDS Game Three. Giving up two runs on four hits in two innings, but he manages to make it out for inning #3. After getting Victor Martinez to strike out, Clemens finds himself pulling up lame. Phillip Hughes comes in to pitch. After allowing an RBI Double to Johnny Peralta. Hughes is giving a yeoman relief effort as I type. Add that to Robinson Cano and Johnny Damon coming up clutch, and this effort will be forgotten by many.

And if you add to this the fact that Roger Clemens has blown eight playoff leads. You have to put any talk of Roger Clemens being one of the greatest starters of all time out of your mind.

He’s an Alex Rodriguez type at best.



  1. Clemens is totally one of those soccer dudes who gets lightly tripped and then falls on the ground, rolling around for an hour, like his achilles tendon has ripped in half. Then, when the trainer comes out with the magic spray and the other player’s been red carded, he gets up and goes back in the game.

    Comment by abarclay12 — October 7, 2007 @ 9:28 pm |Reply

  2. Nice! :High-Five:

    Comment by Elvi Patterson! — October 7, 2007 @ 9:43 pm |Reply

  3. He was pulled out of the Game 6 in 1986 as well, right?

    Comment by cardinal70 — October 8, 2007 @ 12:33 pm |Reply

  4. nice work

    Comment by gulfcoastpolo — October 8, 2007 @ 12:51 pm |Reply

  5. Clemens only had playoff success after he joined the Yankees. He went to NY to get a ring. I believe he roided up first. He has had a few cluthch games as a Yankee, but his post season performances, on the whole, have only been fair. He is no Sandy Koufax, that’s for sure.
    The Sultan on Sports

    Comment by tsos20 — October 8, 2007 @ 12:55 pm |Reply

  6. Cardinal: I was unsure about putting that in. It does match the same sort of Clemens gets into trouble, I don’t want to play anymore situation. Maybe I was swayed by him swearing up and down that he wanted the ball.

    Though in this context, perhaps it does fit.

    Comment by Andrew — October 8, 2007 @ 1:40 pm |Reply

  7. Clemens has really lost the plot… it pisses me off too >_<. No heart.

    Comment by Baby Milo — October 8, 2007 @ 5:27 pm |Reply

  8. There’s no room for a heart under those pecs.

    Comment by Extra P. — October 8, 2007 @ 6:19 pm |Reply

  9. I’d agree. You know there’s tons of pitchers out there who never get the shot because we keep these old relics like Clemens around.

    Comment by andyfox1979 — October 9, 2007 @ 12:18 am |Reply

  10. […] Roger Clemens has no heart. My dad and I were watching the start of the Yankees-Indians game. Roger Clemens was the starter and he was scuffling. I […] […]

    Pingback by Top Posts « — October 9, 2007 @ 4:10 pm |Reply

  11. […] always wondered about those injuries….so has this guy, and this […]

    Pingback by Body parts for sale » Things I’ve read today — October 10, 2007 @ 11:53 am |Reply

  12. […] Roger Clemens has no heart […]

    Pingback by Piss & Moan Volume 7 | sqwable — October 20, 2007 @ 9:30 pm |Reply

  13. Then why did you pay him so much money? Having watched Beckett and Schilling the last few nights, those guys have pluck and heart. Isn’t this the third year in a row Clemens comes in for 1/2 a season at a ridiculous amount of money and falls short? Why do supposedly smart general managers around the league make this same mistake over and over again (and Texas or Houston will do it again next year…).

    Comment by Denis — October 26, 2007 @ 12:44 pm |Reply

  14. I think the Astros learned their lesson on Clemens and will certainly not go after him next year. I seriously doubt he will even try to pitch in 2008.

    Comment by Steve M. — October 26, 2007 @ 11:17 pm |Reply

  15. Wow, the Yankees are still a dynasty. They just need to reload.

    Comment by New York Yankees — August 24, 2008 @ 3:26 pm |Reply

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