Not to sound egotistical, but we do have a certain ability to compare things to other things. I mean, Tim Tebow truly is Jules Winfield, right? And Iowa State is also indeed Glass Joe. Well, it’s been a while. We need to make one more comparison.
One for the road. (Now with fewer weirdo raper guys) CAN…YOU…DIG…IT?!?
Hawaii are the Warriors
Everyone wrote them off. Nobody thought they would find their way. Everybody blames them for the assasination of the BCS. But do not sleep on a scrappy team with a month to prepare and nothing to lose. They just might win the gunfight on Coney Island. Featuring Colt Brennan as Ajax.
(NOW WITH LESS RAPE CHARGES.)
LSU are the Grammercy Riffs
The Riffs are the most mighty gang in New York. They oozed a cool charisma. Then Cyrus (Glenn Dorsey) got shot and while Masai stepped up admirably, it just was not the same. They are still the biggest threat in BCS City, but they are a lot more mortal than they were at the start of the year.
Georgia are the Turnbull A.C.’s
Word on the street was that the riffs out and out feared the Turnbull A.C.’s. The A.C.’s were big, mean, and physical. They took to the ground to make their presence felt. LSU escaped having to face Georgia’s big uglies riding Knoshon Moreno to the promised land. They’re out for blood and the have the Warriors in their sights.
Illinois are the Orphans
In a world where one of these things is not like the other, the Orphans have been left behind in the big Gang Conclave of The Warriors. So too then, did the Fighting Illini get left out of any level of national title discusssion. It’s not to say that the Illini are as meek as The Orphans. It’s just that in a world filled with “beautiful” people like the BCS, Juice Williams is as mediocre as Mr. Lazy Eye.
Ohio State are the Lizzies
The Lizzies used their power of having breasts to trap the Warriors in their net. The Buckeyes used their cheap non-conference schedule and early season finish to ensnare an entry into the National Championship game. If you think about it, it boils down to both using cheap tricks to get what they want.
Oklahoma are the Baseball Furies
Put it simply, they look bad ass. They have their faces painted, they rock and roll all night, and party every day. They are well respected, and they deserve it. But when a scrappy team like the Warriors or Texas Tech or a Boise State rolls up on them and punches them in the mouth, they get beat.
Still, they were the last team to beat a #1 team, and the Gramercy Riff’s losses were just as bad. All in all, Oklahoma has demons that they are out to punish, and some young punks are about to get owned.
USC are the Rogues
I could be dumb and be all durr-hurr-hur, USC is the root of all evil, but I won’t. All I’m going to say is that like Luther, Ol’ SC was prepared to take the lead by making big bold moves. Now? They end up punked out by a knife in a gunfight. Quite frankly, Ol ‘SC are a bunch of suckas.
West Virginia are the Punks
Frankly, they are one of the most entertaining gangs in the BCS culture. But like the Punks in the washroom, the Mountaineers flame out spectacularly whenever someone punches them in the mouth. They cannot handle playing for #1, so a less powerful gang ends up taking them out.
Kansas are the High Hats
It makes sense if you think about it. The High Hats were the Hep Cats in the World of teh Warriors. And while Kansas had their run for the Big 12 North, they were everybody’s him choice for Cinderella story. And like the High Hats, the Jayhawks found themselves folding under the pressure.
But they rocked it when they were on top. Damn right they did.
Virginia Tech are the Jones Street Boys
Not the most well known of gangs. In fact, they’re a cocky bunch of trust fund kids. But they’re not disrespected. (Virginia Tech is beloved by the calculons of the world.) You won’t hear about them this January, but they will bop the Jayhawks like the JSB rock the Saracens.
There you go. We compared things! Yay!
The BCS, as brutal as ever, and with a Walter Hill touch?
Maybe we won’t have a complete disaster?
[The Warriors Movie Site is gold leaf.]