Listen, here’s the thing.
In a vacuum? The Boston Red Sox are a great story. You have the whimsically goofy Jonathan Papelbon and Manny Ramirez. You have a beloved affable superstar in David Ortiz. Kevin Youkilis is a golem! And that’s just barely scratching the surface.
JON LESTER BEAT THE CANCERS!
In fact, the other good teams in Boston have good sports stories to go along with them.
I can pitch them for you in a quick logline form.
BOSTON COLLEGE: A football team’s beloved coach throws up his hands and skips town due to the teams lack of prospects. But thanks to the career assistant next door, the team has achieved heights previously unseen.
MATT RYAN, HEISMAN FAVORITE: A gunslinging stranger comes out of the North to shake up the golden gods of Heisman Town with his gunslinging ways. But will he survive the duel with the Dennis Dixon?
THE FORCE IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH MATT RYAN!
The Boston Celtics: Three superstars who have only achieved a sniff of the playoff elixir join forces to return a once-proud franchise to glory.
See? You’d love to see a BC-Oregon Quarterbacking duel. The Celtics are Three Amirgos meet Space Cowboys. BC Football? How about Better off Dead meets Football?
And yet? Malaise.
You know why. Really. There’s a reason sane people apologize for being Red Sox fans.
The fact is, we would like to enjoy your successes. You deserve them, Boston. Just understand that we don’t give a fuck about Tony C. or the Impossible Dream.
That and the Patriots. They can go to hell and die. Apparently they’re playing a big game next week. I’m in total media blackout of the 24-7 Sports Cycle.
It’s not working, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try.
