I am, I am, I said I’m not myself

All these basketball posts must seem crazy. From the Phoenix Suns getting shafted last season, there were less than 10 basketball related posts in the past year. But let’s be honest. I do like basketball.

The required blogger spec script is a basketball movie. I live for March Madness. And I grew up on the greatest era in the NBA. It’s just not the be and end all.

Be that as it may. My idealism and love of the future led me to look at some mock drafts. And as a Bucks fan, here’s the thing that gets to me. I may not be thrilled with the hire of Scott Skiles to D the Milwaukee Bucks up, but it is what it is.

The Bucks are going analog.

The problem is, the two most likely choices are rather digital.

Eric Gordon. You know Eric Gordon, right? He is a scorer personified. He can create his own shot. He can slash. He can gun. Problem? He may give a good effort on D. But while he may be able to score 25 PPG, he could very well give up 30.

Danilo Gallinari. And here is the #1 Euro on the board. And his game is as Archetypical as your average Euro. Versatile, with good ball skills and he is Il cose intangibili del capitano. But while he may be able to flop like the Fat Chick thriller? He is bad at defense and rebounding.

Put it another way. WHY ARE THE BUCKS DRAFTING OFFENSEIVELY SKILLED PLAYERS AND HAVING THEM WITH A DEFENSIVE COACH? THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

And that goes for you too Lester Hudson. Scott Skiles wants none of you!

NBA Draft Lottery Quick Hitters

Huh, Chicago got the #1 pick? Not New York, but as Stern Conspiracy Theorists go, it’s not unexpected.

Here are some things you need to know.

1) John Paxson is loathe to pull the trigger on any trade. Buy that metric, Beasley is the #1 Pick, as the Bulls already have Duhon, Gordon, and Hinrich as Point Guards and several bits of talent at the two (the highly intriguing Shannon Brown, the much maligned Larry Hughes, and Swiss Miss Thabo Selofsha, and didn’t JamesOn Curry destroy the D-League?). Even if Brown, Duhon, and Gordon don’t all come back? They are still wicked deep in the backcourt. 

1a) Also by that metric? The Heat still won’t make the playoffs. Derrick Rose may be special. But even if they sign Shawn Marion, they still don’t have the cap room for quality depth. Not hating, but the window closed on them for this round. And D-Wade is gimpy.

2) But if the Bulls go with Rose? It’s a buyers market for above average guard. From Mike Bibby to Mo Williams, there are plenty that could be moved, and there are not many who will.

2a) Ironically, if the Heat get Beasley? They still won’t make the playoffs.

2b) But they’ll pick high again next year in a Chicago style attempt at rejuvenation of the Eastern Conference.

3) Minnesota gets the small-market teams don’t make any sort of money shaft. Brook Lopez is decent, but he will never be great. No inspirado here.

4) Sadly, Eric Gordon is going to make the SOCS intriguing, but Seattle gets screwed. Stern needs to rectify this straight away.

5) And John Hammond? I would like something in a UCLA Bruin please.

K THX BBL!

DREW!

I came a long way to see you and I wish you were dead.

Manu Ginobili is gonna be thrilling some fatties tonight.

HE’S GOING FROM RIGHT TO LEFT!

I know I am a casual hoop fan.

But Josh Smith is awesome. Josh Smith is a god among men. But you know what?

He’s gonna let me down. Joe Johnson’s gonna let me down. I’m used to Mike Bibby letting me down.

I mean, do you think David Stern would let the decent core of ATLANTA beat the three superstars of BOSTON? What, you’re gonna say that the better team finally established their dominace with their backs to the wall?

Please. This sport is faker than Pro Wrestling. Boston’s a better story, and asshole fans are better than no fans whatsoever. Say the Hawks re-up Josh Smith, do you think they’ll even sell out a game? Nope.

Vince McStern has to have his stars how he wants them.

Reasons why David Stern is the devil.

I used to love the NBA. Really. It didn’t matter that Herb Kohl is as incompetent an owner as he is corrupt of a senator (TELECOM IMMUNITY IS A NO-NO HERB). But there is one man who has ruined my love of the NBA more than anybody.

That man is David Stern. He commissionered the league in an Eric Bischoffian style. First it became the revolutionary force in sports entertainment. Then he got drunk on his own power. Now he is the reason why the league is regarded so poorly. Not Artest. Not J.R. Rider back in the day.

David Stern ruined it.

And you know how he did that? He destroyed the playoffs. (And today I’m not even going to mention how certain awful officials still seem to manage the highest of high profile games.) I’m going to talk about one of my favorite first round games of all time.

1994. Seattle. Denver had won the last two games of the series to tie it 2-2. But the Sonics had home court. The Sonics had the Glove and the Reign Man. But in a 98-94 Overtime Thriller, the Nuggets got to the second round. An 8 seed beat a 1 seed. At once dope and fresh.

But in Stern’s infinite wisdom, he tacked on two games of playoffs to the first round. Now the second round can’t begin until every team gets through the first round. Now the first round becomes a 15 day sissiphean epic of mediocre running and jumping where the only time you can find your way into upset talk you have to root for the city of confused boys, bad football, and political hypocrisy.

And for what does this occur? Does this get fans more hyped up? No. Do you really want to see the Cavaliers-Sixers series go six or seven? I don’t.

Does it get basketball out there? No. Like I said! If the Hawks and Celtics go six, who gives a fuck?

All this is is a cheap money grab. Stern wants advertisers to pay for extra space to air their shitty Ninja Gaiden and overdirected Speed Racer bullshit. It’s a move to dilute quality and oversaturate the interest. 

And that is just one reason why David Stern is the devil.

 

The NBA Western Conference is sexier than Tim Tebow’s Girl.

The Lakers and Grizzlies made a trade. Pau Gasol, an 18 and 8 power forward and center, with a solid range up to 18 feet, goes to LA. The Grizzlies get two likely picks in the 20’s, A raw talent in Javaris Crittendon (who is now in one heck of a logjam), and Kwame Brown; who clearly is no Slava Medvedenko.

For the Grizzlies it means the Summer of 2008 could be sexy time. Shawn Marion? Luol Deng? They get to let their spirit soar. Adventures and the potential of their #1 pick getting yelled at by a Stephen A. Smith? That’s what they’re playing for now.

For the Lakers? They now become the 6th team in the Western Conference that could beat the Celtics in the finals. With the Hornets, Suns, Mavs, Jazz, and Spurs, the Los Angeles Lakers belong in the title picture. 

With Kobe-Odom-Gasol-Bynum? If Bynum is healthy come playoff time? The Lakers could make a dent.

A big bold move to make the Mamba happy. But damnit, he needs to man up vs. the Mongoose!

MAMBA! QUIT DUCKING ME! MAMBA! 

If Kobe plays Mongoose and wins? America will love him again!

Yay?

Look, I understand that the Bulls fan sees the Skiles firing as a ding-dong the witch is dead scenario.

I understand that if you have yourself a coach best known for his intensity in ten cities, a “players coach” usually leads to a magical run as the talent can finally breathe for a moment. But there is a problem.

The best coaches available are the same sort of coach. And they are all non-championship winning retreads.

I’ll give you five names. Tell me if any inspire anything other than a yawn. Rick Carlisle, Jeff Van Gundy, Doug Collins, Del Harris, and Larry Brown. Okay, Larry Brown doesn’t involve near as much of a yawn as say having Doug Collins return to Chicago, but Paxson would have to ask one question.

Is he more trouble than he’s worth? And the answer is very likely yes. The Bulls are a very good Eastern Conference team. That’s it. But I have been wrong before.

If you believe that the Bulls are one piece away from getting to the promised land, then and only then could you consider Larry Brown. So, it seems to me as if you have to go with an interim coach for the rest of the year.

And Pete Myers is that man.

And normally, I would be willing to say that this would make a fine situation. Pete Myers is a decent choice. He’s been around and he has a quiet, agile basketball mind. But why am I talking about Del Harris and Doug Collins then?

Because Pete Myers is a stopgap. He has been the Bulls plug and play. Look back at Jordan’s first “retirement.” Who was the new starter? Pete Myers.

When Chris Farley graduated Second City Chicago and went to Saturday Night Live, who played Matt Foley in the interim? Pete Myers.

When Erik Kramer and Steve Walsh failed as your Chicago Bears quarterbacks, who stepped up? Pete Myers.

When Mark Prior and Kerry Wood broke down for the first time, who soaked up the remaining innings? Glendon Rusch, but he was the second choice.

And when Bill Cartwright got canned? Who was the bridge to a retread in-season hire named Scott Skiles? Pete Myers.

So, you may see him lead the Bulls to an upset win tonight. You may see him get the Bulls on a roll. But in my book, you’re just as likely to see a retread as Pete Myers hanging on for the season.

And in my book, it would probably be a mistake.

David Stern has ruined my love of the NBA.

I actually grew up watching a different sport than most kids on their fathers knee. Sure, I saw the no-hitter of Juan Nieves with my pops in 1987. But the fact is, the Brewers and the Packers were pretty much awful growing up.

The Milwaukee Bucks? On the other hand. They were a Don Nelson coached team. That was what a young child would consider to be awesome. They ran, they scored. Sure, they never made the finals, but I was in love with the world as well as sesame street. I had no expectations.

And even if the Bucks weren’t exactly good, I could love a good NBA game from when I was young. The Suns-Bulls NBA Finals was a classic. An absolute classic. I have to say the result wasn’t what I hoped for, but the journey was awesome.

But as this season rolls around, I have to say my enthusiasm has waned. It’s not ticket costs. It’s not the laziness. It’s not the hip-hopketball culture.

It’s one man. David Stern.

And yes, it does have something to do with the perception of David Stern as a Machiavelli whom decides match-ups based on ”Zazz” and not on on-court activity. But that’s not nearly it.

I am sincerely beginning to believe David Stern a racist.

(Yes. I know, 200 words to get to my point. It’s called a subplot people.)

More to the point, I think David Stern is, like the Indiana Pacers, trying to conservatize the league for the sportswriters who bitch that all players are thugs whom care about nothing becides “bling-bling” the “benjamins” and “street cred,” while anybody else in the league gets a free reign.

It’s like the Sports Frog says.

For officials:

• “Our ban on gambling is absolute, and in my view it is too absolute, too harsh and was not particularly well-enforced over the years,” Stern said. “We’re going to come up with a new set of rules that make sense.”

For Players: (Re: The Robert Horry incident).

• “Our players have to learn that they can’t leave the bench and move 20 feet down the line, wherever it is, and be subject to all of the possible things that can happen,” Stern said Wednesday. “That’s why it’s a red-letter rule.”
• “To listen to the palaver that Robert Horry changed the series is just silly,” Stern said. “What changed the series is Amare and Boris ran out onto the court and they either forgot about it or they couldn’t control themselves. I don’t know which one. And there wasn’t an assistant coach there, one of six, to restrain them. OK, so now either we have to have new rules, put up a fence, or hire more assistant coaches.”

David Stern doesn’t care about his players. David Stern doesn’t care about the fans that don’t shell out the ducats. I will give you one dollar if David Stern can go the entire season without giving out an interview where he doesn’t try to play off a controversy by being an authoritarian dickhole.

Refs get the rules changed for them because they can’t handle a code of conduct. Players can’t. It’s a red-letter rule.

David Stern needs to let this league go. The NBA needs a blood transfusion. It needs one badly.

I will tell you my choice for comissioner, later in the blog.

This right here is the greatest comic crossover ever.

Bigger than Flintstones meeting Jetsons. Bigger than the Justice League meeting the Avengers. Bigger than The Critic Meeting the Simpsons. It is Ash from Army of Darkness. He’s visiting the world of Marvel Superheroes.

Army of Darkness vs. Marvel Zombies. It is what America needs to heal after being attacked by the Republican Hate Machine.

If I was a hack, I would indeed call it groovy. But I am not so…9/10.

Quick Yi Jianlian Update.

26 Minutes, 12 points, 4 Rebounds, 2 Assists, and 1 steal. Bucks win 90-81. Clearly, he has handled himself well versus the Utah Jazz.

I would write more, but my brain is blocked.

Thanks for understanding.