So, I know that Mock Drafts can be comedic at best.

But as a man who loves draftery? You kind of need to give it a go. Even if it’s an exercise in futility, or as I like to call it, exercise.

Thus, the Grand National Championships proudly present…an NBA Mock Draft Pit 350.

1. Bulls: Derrick Rose (PG) Memphis

As this draft goes, there are two special talents in this draft, and while I still think there’s going to be an issue in the Bulls being with a conservative general manager such as John Paxson and the mess of talent still in the backcourt, Mr. Rose has two advantages over Beasley. One, a local boy #1 pick brings great joy to Jerry Reinsdorf’s quest to become Scrooge McDuck. And two, his downside is being merely great instead of special.  

2. Heat: O.J. Mayo (SG) USC

I know this seems shocking, but if you think about it logically, it makes perfect sense. Michael Beasley seems to have shrunk himself into a young Shawn Marion, and his refreshing honesty makes the professionalized life of O.J. Mayo into a better fit for Riley’s demeanor. Also, if there was any way shape or form that O.J. Mayo could fall to fifth? Beasley would be a Grizzly by Friday.

3. Timberwolves: Michael Beasley (PF) Kansas State

And if I’m right, Minneapolis becomes the hipster haven of the NBA. Not saying this to ape Free Darko, Mayo to Miami just makes more sense to me.

4. Supersonics: Jerryd Bayless (Combo Guard) Arizona

Obvious pick is obvious. The Sonics are in dire need of somebody with point guard skills. And with Mayo off the board? Jerryd is an offensive playmaker who make Kevin Durant a lot better. If they don’t kill each other first.

5. Grizzlies: Brook Lopez (C) Stanford

The way the Grizzlies are built, they would be looking for an inside presence, scoring ability optional. Many of the draft boards say that Kevin Love (to love you baby) is the Naughty Girl for the Grizzlies. But the fact of the matter is that Love’s fat, undersized, and offensive minded. And if Brook Lopez is available at this pick the Grizzlies would be damned fools to pass on Lopez here.

6. Knicks: Eric Gordon (SG) Indiana

Now Gallinari may have a guarantee to be drafted here, but the fact of the matter is if no superstar slips out of the Top 5, the doughy-faced assassin is the perfect fit for a run and gun offense. All Eric Gordon does is put the biscuit in the basket. D’Antoni will love his style. 

7. Clippers: Russell Westbrook (PG/SG) UCLA

Love lands here if Brand decides he’s going to become a Free Agent, but if not, the board falls to Westbrook. He has excellent athleticism and great defense. He’s not a pure 1, and his offense is questionable. But as a high energy guy to back up/provide insurance to Shaun Livingston? It would be a great pick for Elgin Baylor.

8. Bucks: Joe Alexander (SF) West Virginia

Scott Skiles is living in his own private hell. He’s a defensive oriented coach living with a team that has no defensive skill and there is no defensive skill in a position that they need. Love is a poor defender. Gallinari’s too much the poor athlete. And Anthony Randolph is Stromile Swift 3.0. Joe Alexander may not be a great defender, but Skiles will feel better with his unorthodoxy and efforts.  

9. Bobcats: Kevin Love (PF/C) UCLA

Nazr Mohammad had a great year last year, but he is not a long term answer. If Love is available here? He’s a great fit. A very good offensive center, and he has the outlet passability to send Gerald Wallace and Jason Richardson on rim-rocking fast breaks. He’ll find his place in the research triangle.

10. Nets: Danilo Gallinari (SF) Jeans from the Italian Suit People.

Now they could just as easily take a flier on an Anthony Randolph or a DeAndre Jordan, but the fact of the matter is that Gallinari is the best player for what Lawerence Frank wants to do. The fans may not be happy with an undersized four, but he provides energy, toughness, and a spectacular mid-range game.

11. Pacers: D.J. Augustin (PG) Texas

The perfectly logical fit. He will make Danny Granger an all-star, and not in the Scott Cooper, Mark Redman there’s nobody else sense. Also, he’s everything Jamaal Tinsley’s not. So maybe he’s going to get a hit out on him. See, because Tinsley loves guns, right and…

Moving on.

12. Kings: Anthony Randolph (SF/PF) LSU

Here’s where the upside gambles come out to play. His measurables are, according to Draft Express, quite bad. So what’s good? His left-handed athleticism, his handles and his mid-range game. But he’s 18. And if the lights turn on? He could turn into Rudy Gay. If every light turns on?

13. Blazers: Alexis Anjica (C) France

They’re going to make every effort to move up to get Augustin or Westbrook. Let’s make that perfectly clear. But should they fail? It’s best power player available. Mareese Speights and Javale McGee don’t grade out at the late lottery. DeAndre Jordan has negative fundamentals. Kosta Koufos grades out as the next Mehmet Okur, but the Frenchman is the play here. His upside is magical, and he already has developed a nascent offensive game. Also, he has a 7′10″ wingspan. They can wait for the light to turn on here.

14. Warriors: JaVale McGee (C) Nevada

This is a bit of a reach. He does not have a great power game, but in Nellieball? He’s a perfect fit. Great wingspan, great hands, a good shot, and he can put the ball on the floor. He could very well be the next Patrick O’Bryant. But his offense has something there there. With fundamentals, he could have NBA Three threatability.

15. Suns: Brandon Rush (SF) Kansas

Are you asking for the first steal on the board? Then go for this Modern Day Warrior. He has the three point range that’s required for a Suns wing, as well as the solid defense that the Suns so desperately need. He’s finally coming back to full health off of his ACL surgery. Donte Greene is too Tim Thomas for the Suns liking.

16. Sixers: Marreese Speights (PF/C) Florida

His face up offensive game is ready for the world now. And overall? His offense is pure. His defense? It’s another story. But for the Sixers? He’s perfect.

17. Toronto: Donte Greene (SF) Syracuse

Toronto got by on moxie and can-do at the three last year. If they don’t trade Ford and the pick for Boris Diaw? Donte Greene is a offensive force upgrade. If they do? Robin Lopez goes here.

18. Wizards: Kosta Koufos (C) Ohio State

A ready-made offensive center. He has the shooting touch of an international, even if he is Columbus born and bred. He is decent defensively, and even if he isn’t explosive. He is solid, if not sexy. 

19. Cavaliers: Chris Douglas-Roberts (SG) Memphis

LeBron James needs scoring help. The Szczerb? Always gets hurt. Boobie? A Mo Williams clone. CDR is a pure scorer. His mid-range game is off the chain, and his defense will fit into a Mike Brown system quite nicely. 

20. Nuggets: Robin Lopez (C) Stanford

DeAndre Jordan is still on the board, but they are looking for a polished defender on the pivot in Denver. And Jordan is still merely upside. Robin is all toughness and energy and shotblocking. Also, he’s high character.

21. Nets: DeAndre Jordan (C) Texas A&M

Admittedly Jordan is a lot of a project, but on a team where resode DeSagana Diop, a nascent game is acceptable. He has the tremendous upside potential. But he’s got 10 percent of his potential used up.

22. Magic: Courtney Lee (SG/SF) Western Kentucky

He’s more than this, but all the Magic really want is a perimeter pip to Dwight Howard’s Gladys Knight.

23: Jazz: Roy Hibbert (C) Georgetown

A power player built for a slowed down pace. He’s a Zydrunas Illgauskas lite.

24. Sonics: Darrell Arthur (PF) Kansas

When he’s right with the world? He’s among the best prospects. The problem? Pedigree and a lack of focus. He may yet be another Wayne Simien.

25. Rockets: Nicholas Batum (SF) France

The phyisicality and feel of the game bring him to the first round. He could be French Josh Smith if the Rockets are patient.

26. Spurs: Serge Ibaka (PF)

The Spurs picked a foreign guy? That doesn’t make sense!

27. Hornets: Richard Hendrix (PF) Alabama

He’ll start in the land of NBA hope as a back-up, but the man’s a Paul Millsap clone. And if you don’t know? That’s an awesome thing.

28. Grizzlies: Omer Asik (C) Turkey

Omer is not a scorer, but his defense is indeed bad ass. And he does have upside. My only regret? His shot-blocks will be proven Omerized.

Look it up.

29. Pistons: Bill Walker (SF) Kansas State

His knees are bad, but his game is the truth when he’s healthy. If he stays healthy, Dumars made robbery.

30. Celtics: Devon Hardin (C) California

Jason Thompson is available here. Sure. But the Celtics don’t need a scorer and mid-range threat. They need a low-post defender. They need a burly bad ass for when Bynum returns. They need to get Hardin.

Yeah. I did it.

What?

Look at the facts (Wisconsin sports ramblings)…

1. Daunte Culpepper is an idiot. The fact of the matter? He had a real offer of 1-year at 1-million from the Packers. He had Aaron Rodgers, who is out for two weeks if he gets his feelings hurt ahead of him. And he passes on the deal. He could get ten starts out of it. Who else is gonna sign him? (And don’t say Chicago. They would have if they wanted to.)
2. Jason Taylor for a conditional Day 1 (with Round 3) pick? I’d do it. It makes a lot of sense.
3. I may be wrong on Seth McClung. He did have one shitty start. He does have a propensity for allowing the taters. But he’s 3-2 with a 4.23 ERA and a 1.16 WHIP. If he keeps this up, any Brewers fan would take it.
4. Russell Branyan. I know it’s small sample size. I know it’s bound to not last. But point of fact? Yay!

Thanks for reading.

Yay! 

I believe in America. I believe in love. I believe in Harvey Dent.

Salomon Torres  Julian Tavarez has been designated for assignment.

They went with Mark Difelice instead as David Riske gets off the disabled list.

UPDATE: Maybe David Riske should have been in rehab a little longer…

Blowing an 8-0 lead with a Joe Inglett grand slam AND a Rod Barajas infield single…sheesh.

UPDATE II: Salomon Torres gets the save. 8-7.

BUT HOW IN THE BLUE FUCK DO YOU SIT A DUDE WITH A NO-NO GOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I MEAN, COME THE FUCK ON!!!

A homerists Dilemma.

You’re the Milwaukee Brewers. You’re a decent baseball team, and you made some moves that worked (Hey Salomon Torres!), and you signed Eric Gagne. You’re three games out of the wild card and here’s the thing.

KENTUCKY NINJA SKILLS!

The Brewers have Corey Hart in right field. He is, as the photo describes, awesome. He’s a 6′6″ dude with speed. I mean, come on. Even Cubs homer and stealth blogger Elvi Patterson likes him.

But here’s the thing. Mike Cameron doesn’t suck. Completely. He’s in no way shape or form a #2 hitter, but he’s doing about what was expected. (Plus power, plus speed, plus plus defense, and a Jose Hernandezian level of the strikeouts). And if the Brewers pick up his option, there salary is still managable (10 million dollars).

But ya know what? The Brewers would be stupid to pick up the option. Downright derp joke, Horry Kow stupid. Why?

This is Matt LaPorta. He is ready now. Sure, he’d be a low average bomber? But in the roughest of Major League Equivalency? He’d be .237/.351/.517 in right field. But you know what? Cameron is equal to .222/.294/.475.

And consider the fact that they may not want LaPorta to play the Miguel Cabrera role in the Brewers putative playoff run, and you know what? Mike Cameron shouldn’t be in Brewtown next year.

He may not be as fun in the clubhouse? But he’s ready to play.

Blockbuster trades that will never happen…

I got to thinking during the long car ride home from the great state of Mehigan.

Why wouldn’t the Brewers play for the playoffs this year? I know? They have Ned Yost. He does not make any sense. But that’s neither here nor there.

I can make a proposal for C.C. Sabathia. I can make it so the Brewers don’t lose any of the Huntsville Eight. All it would take? A little bit of visionary thinking.

Oh, and Prince Fielder.

(Yes. I know. This is crazy. But dig the premise.)

One, the Indians would get a superstar that they could control for three years. Donny Garko is a mediocrity as a full-time first baseman. Move him to the weaker half of a DH platoon with Pronky Kong? And you’ve got an offensive stew going.

Also? This is the dude you’re going to get four to six prospects for. Cleveland? You know you want it.

But why would the Crew put the Prince up for bids? They have dudes ready. You could look at Double A and have Mat Gamel and Matt LaPorta ready to roll up on you with a Miguel Cabrera impression. There’s Brad Nelson who finally…FINALLY is generating enough offense to be worthy of big league entry. And then there’s Chris Errecart. He’s Ryan Garko level right now, but he’s also one of the Huntsville 8. Or they could say fuck it and go with Joe Dillon.

But Sabathia guarantees the Wild Card. Flat out. I know what you’re saying. “Dude! He sucks right now!”

But here’s the deal…he is dominant from August on. True story? He’s 42-18 with a 3.25 ERA. With Sheets and Suppan? They pass the Cardinals and Marlins. They get the Wild Card.

And they don’t mortgage the future to do it.

Or I’m drunk, either way I’m feeling good. 

Twenty-Five Dollars and a six pack to my name.

The Milwaukee Bucks are in one of the worst positions heading into the Summer. It sucks and I know it sucks. But that’s the crux of it.

But you know what? The #8 pick has no chance of suck. Well…mostly no chance of suck. And I shall break them down for my Homerists presently.

Joe Alexander (SF-WEST FUCKIN’ VIRGINIA)

Draft Express calls him Matt Harpring with super athleticism. Free Darko calls him a Suburban Chris Andersen (BIRDMAN FLYING HIGH, GET IT???) Both are right. Harpring has a very nice mid-range game, and Chris Andersen has a hyperactivity on court. He is taller and can out-jump one Michael Beasley, and while his offensive game is still raw, he will put the time in. His tremendous upside potential means he could be locked in to the Bucks, who are in desperate need of a 3.

D.J. Augustin (PG-TEXAS)

The lazy writer would compare him to T.J. Ford. And in build, sure it works. But here’s the thing about D.J., he’s a lot better offensively. He sacrifices an ounce of speed, for a well-developed offensive game. His shot, when it’s on, is pure. He efforts his defense (he is 5′10″, so he’ll never be a shutdown defender). Now, I know the Bucks have Mo. I know the Bucks have The Ramon Sessions on Beale Street. But I would love a scenario where it goes Gallinari to the Knicks and Gordon goes to the Clippers.

Because then the Bucks would be in the rumored 10-team trade. And that? That would be sweet.

Eric Gordon (SG-INDIANA)

He’s a bad defender. He has poor shot selection. But you know what? His scoring instincts are pure. His shot is solid when he’s focused on it. And he’s not afraid to finish. He’s an undersized 2. But he’ll get his 20 PPG. His doughy face may be destined to be a great player on bad teams. I wouldn’t mind him on the Bucks? But he’s a tiny Michael Redd, even if right now he has the perimeter to go with the slasher.

Anthony Randolph (SF/PF-LSU)

Tremendous athleticism. Long wingspan. Good shotblocker. So why do I not want him anywhere near my team? A seemingly irrational reason, but bear with me.

Anthony Randolph went to LSU. He is a skinny power forward who left school as a super-underclassedman. You know what that reminds me of? Stromile Swift. Also, Tyrus Thomas. So if I can put on my Vampire Cape and Stephen A. Smith hat on.

1! 2! 3! 3 Busts! AH AH AH! 

Danilo Gallinari (SF-Brought to you by Pat Riley’s Suits)

He’s the rough equivalent of the well-hyped Cuban baseballer. You’ve heard what they can do, but the fact is, you just don’t know. He vibes as a Hedo Turkoglu/Toni Kukoc hybrid, with versatility, on-court skills and a good shot. But point of fact? He’s not a great athlete. Other point of fact? If the Knicks want D’Antoni to be happy, he’ll be long gone before the Bucks pick. 

Russell Westbrook (PG/SG-UCLA)

Now I don’t love the combination guards as much as others. But Russell Westbrook I’ll make an exception for, mainly because the Bucks presently have no shot at Jeryd Bayless. Westbrook brings defensive dominance and a Barbosan level of enthusiasm and athleticism to his game. His offense may never be of a quality level, but if the Bucks want to show love for Scott Skiles? They go here.

They won’t. But hey…

Yeah, this is homerist. But it’s the advantage of having a lack of elegance.

I may come back later tonight. I may not. Things may fall apart if you will.  

So, today was a great day.

I took about a day off in regards to the hard work that I took. I know, that’s the wrong thing to do. But I did not avoid learning. The good days are as much of a learning experience as the bad ones.

I shall present you a bulletpoint of things that I have learned, because we are getting into the silly season of sports where it’s baseball or death.

• I wish to know more about Pepper the Norte Dame Comeback Dolphin. I do not trust mammals that share affiliations with Condoleeza Rice and Ed BeBartolo Jr. Consider me specist, but this has not failed me yet.
• Blogger pro tip #357: If you get upset that one of the places that you hyped your work doesn’t link it? You need a day off. You have to believe in yourself if you want to succeed. Motivated Frank taught me that!
• The thing that you don’t know about me? I appeared on a televised episode of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” when I was 18 and took down a cool $64,000. So you know if you were ever in a trivia deathmatch? I’d be one to call. Imagine my surprise when a team of bloggers formed to be in a quiz bowl with the Mainstream Media…
• …and I was jealous. I’m man enough to admit it.
• But then I realized two things. Even despite the breakout of the stale, my blog isn’t the elegance nor has the readership of the others. Cripes, Spencer Hall has his own rally dolphin! Also, I could have avoided Derek Belling my way through high school and got into a non-hyphenated real school. Good look to the Blogging Avengers, and if ever you need a sparring partner? I’m not difficult to find.
• Oh, and Clay Travis? The end topic of that Season 4 Episode of Saved by the Bell? Basketball. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
• Also? I made Something Awful Forums! My crossover is nascent, but developing.

Really, I was goofing around and garnering a triple double. Cripes, Jason Kendall homered! Life is good.

So good that this doesn’t bother me…

SCHADENFREUDE!

 

Anybody who tried to grade a major league baseball draft until 24-36 months after the fact? Idiot.

Those hardcore baseball fans know that in 1991, the Oakland A’s had four early picks in their Baseball draft. They drafted four hyped pitchers in Todd Van Poppel, Kirk Dressendorfer, Don Peters, and David Zanacanaro. They were called the 4 Aces. They combined for 43 wins.

This is why your Major League Baseball draft is really an exercise in futility. But for those of you Wisconsin guys who were wondering about the 6 in 62? I will give you a breakdown of sorts. I’m not going in depth. But you’ll know enough.

1. Brett Lawrie, C, HS (BC)

Some lazy writer will lock at a catcher who is Canadian with a stocky build and some agility, and think here’s the next Russell Martin! Not me. Lawrie may seem a little bit of a reach, but in point of fact, he has already had a good sample size of success with the Maple Bat. And his approach is remarkably polished as well. He’s got doubles power, good bat speed, and a disciplined eye. He may have to move to third, but as reaches go, this is eminently defensible.

Sandwich-1 Jake Odorizzi, RHP, HS (IL)

Now, I was rooting for Shooter Hunt to get picked, but the stupid Twins had to take the awesomeness off of the Brewers hands. However? The Easy Odor has the stuff to develop into something good. He has an easy delivery hat he can repeat, a sinking fastball that’s already in the 90’s and curve and slider with bite, the slider more plus than the curveball. If his last name wasn’t so phonetically awful, this pick would be perfect.  

Sandwich-2 Evan Frederickson, LHP, San Francisco

The upside? He’s a 6′6″ lefty with a fastball that can get to 95 MPH and a breaking ball that is nasty as well. The downside? He needs a mechanical adjustment in his delivery and his pitches. His delivery is high effort with a inconsistent release point, and no pitch is consistent. He needs a minor league guru to fix him. But if he hits?  

2a. Seth Lintz, RHP, HS (TN)

A projectable righty who can already push it up to the mid-90’s. He also has a solid curveball. There are some who call him another potential Odorizzi, but the problem is that Lintz struggles to control his fastball. Not to say he can’t fix it? But at this juncture, that’s why he’s slotted as a second round pick.  

2b. Cutter Dykstra, OF, HS (CA)

If you’re wondering, yes this is Lenny’s kid. And the games are similar. Doubles power, solid speed, and pretty good defense. He played shortstop in high school, but expect a move to second base or outfield. The bloodlines will promote him if he’s a bust.   

2b. Cody Adams, RHP, Southern Illinois

You want to know something funny? His dad created Dilbert. But in all seriousness? His fastball does rate at a mid-90’s pitch and he can go deep into games without a loss of velocity. He has a good makeup to go with the pitch as well. He had a down junior year compared to his sophomore season, but he’s got the same sort of projectable build.

But let’s be honest, they’ll be thrilled in Milwaukee only if two out of three make it with reasonable success. I mean really? 10 percent is the goal.

So yeah. Expect not to hear from a few of these names, okay?

OKAY!   

Rising Down.

I know I gave up on the Brewers supremely early. And I still stand by the decision that 2009 is going to be just scary good and 2010?

SAL-A-MAY!

But as for 2008? I gave this division to the Cubs after Yovani Gallardo. Outside of Edmonds, their offense is awesome. And they have enough pitching to hold off the likes of Todd Wellemeyer and Seth McClung. And even as I’m writing this, I still believe that the Cubbies have the NL Central.

…what? I’M BUSY!

The Brewers have the Wild Card lead (yes, I’m going here this early) in their sights. And you know what? The Brewers can do it. Really? This is not the exuberance of youth here. I know that they don’t have much of a rotation of consequence beyond Sheets.

But you know something? The ace of one of the teams currently ahead of the Brewers is Mark Hendrickson. Another has Dave Duncan magic beyond Adam Wainwright. And when you look at the two major trailers? Roy Oswalt’s ERA has not been under 5.00 at any point since Jake Peavy’s opening day sacrifice fly. And even though Pedro’s giving it one last run? John Maine has historically fell off at his 150 IP mark, and the flying spaghetti monster of command has got Oliver Perez again.

So what does this mean? Barring a spectacular collapse, your Milwaukee Brewers aren’t going to make any big bold moves. Ben Sheets isn’t walking out that door. Mike Cameron’s isn’t walking out that door. Two-ny Gwynn? He may be walking out that door, but that’s another story.

The only forseeable problem I can see? The Brewers are 12-4 since Gagne went on the DL. He’s expecting to return next week.

This only means death.

I WILL LET YOU DOWN! YAY!

This is why the Bucks will remain in the Gorsh.

Because when they could have waited and found themselves with a possibility of Mo and Redd playing Seven Seconds or Less or Avery Johnson being the Rich Man’s defensive genius, what did the Bucks do?

They hired Scott Skiles, the poor man’s defensive genius. Who’ll get about 18 months out of a team and then watch the team burn out. It happened in Phoenix, it happened in Chi-Town, it will happen again in Milwaukee. Count on it.

And another thing? Yes I am bitter that now Flip Saunders is available. He is the perfect choice to transisiton a team from bad to decent and decent to good. Yeah, he may never win the big strap, but he can get a lot out of bad and decent.

Kohl woud have broken the bank for the Flipper.