NBC’s Rumor Site is irresponsible.

Really. NBC Sports has a rumor on their site that baffles the entirety of the shit out of me. Going to Bleacher Report and taking the ideas of an idiot and an ass in regards to a trade rumor is much the same as the Journal-Sentinel Online going publishing the rumors of a wingnut political blog. Would Agent Steinz roll up with what Jonah Goldberg says as to where Gilbert’s going to land next season? What about if the Daily Kos tells you that Derrick Rose is unequivocally going to the Bulls? No. It was irresponsible all around, and even if I wish Ned Yost was fired in October? He deserved to get his rant on.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Let’s talk about MSNBC’S report, shall we?

• Bucks’ Redd is on the market
  The Milwaukee Bucks supposedly have guard Michael Redd and his 22.7 points per game on the trading block and rumor has it that he’d fit well in Cleveland, which could theoretically get him and Milwaukee’s first-round pick next year for Wally Szczerbiak, Daniel Gibson, and Cleveland’s first-round pick this year. Would be a good deal for LeBron James, even if Cleveland isn’t looking to give him a sidekick. (Bleacher Report, HoopsWorld)

Here’s where the first problem comes into play. Michael Redd may be nothing more than a scorer. He may have a bad contract. But I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that he’s going to garner more than an expiring contract, a 85% of Mo Williams, and praying that Chris Douglas-Roberts can turn into an awesome Jerry Stackhouse. Not much more. But by himself? He’s going to bring something of value in return.

But again, I’m digressing. We’re here to talk about the article in question. Let’s click the link, shall we?

Here is a trade that could work:

(If you want a legitimate piece of news to be broken? This is what you use for a lead sentence! Maybe I’m being too mean, but let’s be honest. You don’t need a home run swing like baffles the entirety of the shit out of me. But here is a trade that could work? PERFECT!)

Michael Redd + 2009 1st round pick(top 7 protected)

for

Wally Szczerbiak, Danial Gibson, and 2008 first round pick

(I know what you’re thinking, he nails Szczerbiak but botches Daniel?)

Why?

the Cavs would get a prolific scorer who can hit jump-shot or create his own shot to go along with James. With a lineup of West, Redd, James, Wallace, and Big Z the Cavs would be serious contenders for the next two years.

(Broken clock. Right twice a day.)

The Bucks would get a big expiring contract in Szczerbiak and would get two pieces for their rebuilding process in Gibson and the 19th pick (hopefuly Brandon Rush) Sessions, Szczerbiak, Randolph (8th pick), Yi, and Bogut along with a bench of Rush, Gibson, Mason, and Bell could sneak into the eighth spot in the East.

(The Problems here are threefold. 1, repeating words in the same sentence is always a good decision. Also? Hopefully. 2, Daniel Gibson is a slightly downhill move from Mo Williams and Ramon Sessions was awesome in a small sample size, or need I remind you of Gibson in the 2006 Eastern Conference Finals? 3, Wally Sczerbiak would make Scott Skiles head explode with his negative defense at the 2. Okay and 4? Anthony Randolph is gonna be a bust. (I CAN HAZ STROMILE SWIFT?)) 

I also think the Bucks will trade Villanueva and Williams at some point during this off-season.

(Yes and no.)

This is why the “mainstream media” and Blogfrica are beefing. Some lazy dude looks up a poorly spelled, poorly thought out rumor, and lends it credence by giving it the gravitas of an old media name. Other people in old media look upon this rumor and despair, those damn kids in their underwear from their parents basement are at it again. And then they do something crazy. And Will Leitch fires back.

It’s a vicious cycle. And this is why the Sovereign Nations of Blogfrica are not going to dine with the Sports Columnists.

Didn’t think you were going to get learned, didja? 

Well, last night sucked.

I am not going to lie and say I expected the Badgers to lose. Davidson was a one man army and Michael Flowers was a great defender. I thought Curry would not be a factor. If he was, I would have been able to ”chillax” in regards to him doing a third verse same as the first performance where he puts his team on his back in the second half and Cousin Skeeter goes on to the Elite Eight.

But that wasn’t what we got. We got the Badgers getting their ass kicked. This isn’t hating just to hate. That performance was the worst they put on all year. Sure, Duke kicked their ass, but you could at least pin that on an inexperienced team getting shook on the road.

Yeah, yeah, whatever dood…

You couldn’t pin that one on Bo Ryan as well.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. How is this Bo Ryan’s fault? Isn’t he a really good coach and stuff? Does he not Superman that Ho with Style and Aplomb?

Well, let me answer your questions with a question of my own? Say your swingman (Joe Krabbenhoft 6’7″ 220) matches up physically with your opponents post player (Amir Lovedale 6’8″ 215), and say you have 8 players that you really want to use, and one of them is a member of the walking wounded. Why would you not work the ball inside? Why would you not treat Davidson like you would Michigan State? Why would you chuck up 17 threes in the first half?

Why would you not go Dick Bennett on their ass and make the game as boring as humanly possible? Or if you have to go faster, why would you not take young Brad Lohaus out of the mothballs and see if his 46% from beyond the arc was just a matter of small sample size? If you aren’t going to adjust why not get creative with your personnel? 

It was a ridiculously poor game in terms of planning, and the Badgers ran out of gas because of it.

Temper check.

Okay.

Moving on.

We like Comedy (An AL Central Preview)

By now you have seen a wailing and gnashing of teeth in regards to the Yankees putting forth a contract to once-funny comedian Billy Crystal. Because clearly, 60 year-olds are good at playing funny baseball games.

But that does not mean that other comedians would not be valid additions to your favorite major league baseball teams in the AL Central. Not by a longshot. And we at The Grand National Championships would love to tell you whom would be best.

So we will.

5) The Kansas City Royals sign: Jim Gaffigan

While his burly build and work on My Boys are obvious weaknesses, Jim Gaffigan does not need to bring the crutches of a comedian to be a man of great humor. For the fine folks of Kansas City, there is nothing more interesting than a force of nature. Jim Gaffigan can be that, nay will be that Pale Force. Jose Guillen best be stepping aside. Jim Gaffigan fills his victims full of remorse.

4) The Chicago White Sox sign: Brian Regan

He may not mesh well with the leadership of the Chicago White Sox, but the fact of the matter is, within the confines of the 25-man roster, Brian Regan is a perfect fit. His clean-cut comedy is perfect for Josh Fields to feel edgy. His manic energy is perfect to stand with Jim Thome. And his love of fig newtons?

Nick Swisher loves himself the Fig Newtons. I mean, durr.

3) The Minnesota Twins sign: Brody Stevens

I was going to give you a comparison to Chris Rock in that the window of opportunity for the Twins closing is much like a stand-up finding complacency. But forget all that. The Twins need a laser rocket arm. And as comedians go, Brody Stevens is best.

‘

Hey, he couldn’t be any worse than Sidney Ponson.

2) The Cleveland Indians Sign: Zack Galifinakis

Now, you would think that musical talent would not be an effective addition for any team, you would be wrong. Garth Brooks got signed with the Padres and then they made the World Series. Galifinakis would bring much the same skill to the Indians. His comedy would make Joe Borowski consistent and the outfield awesome. It would put them over the top.

That, and his snuggling would make Andy Marte a great prospect again. Galifinakis would snuggle you back to health.

1) The Detroit Tigers sign Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt may not be the most physically gifted comic out there, but he does present a tiny strike zone target. Miguel Cabrera would love him, because then he would have a willing tag team partner for the KFC Gravy Bowls. Dontrelle Willis would love him, because the chuckles would help trade his brain after a bad start with the brain of a great start. He may not solve the bullpen problems, but he would put the Tigers over the top.

Yes. This is how I roll. I will be back with new news. Or News.

Later skaters.

Who the Hell does Andre Tippett think he is?

Pictured with his Sensei, Rabbi Martin Feinburg and Down Syndrome Sylvester Stallone. 

Going around calling himself a Hall of Famer like that? What the hell did he do? Nothing, that’s what.

You say he had 100 sacks and 2 every three games? I say that’s useless. You say he was Greg Lloyd before Greg Lloyd was Greg Lloyd? I say where is the horrific violence toward his children? You know who he is?

KOSHER ME!

A Dollar Tree Jewish Pat Swilling, that’s who. Pat Swilling had 6.5 more Sacks, played in more career games, had more picks, and had a touchdown return (which Tippett does not), as well as just as many Player of the Year honors, and he was elected to the freaking Louisiana State Legislature, not to mention repeated shoutouts in The Onion Article “Who do you think you are–former New Orelans Saints Linebacker Pat Swilling?“ 

And to be honored by that bastion of Faux Journalism should be enough for entry, thank you very much.

Pat Swilling is a man who was just flat out robbed by the Hall of Fame comittee, and not in the cute, hey let Travis Fryman or Shawon Dunston into the Hall way either. He never did the Hell of a drug that is Cocaine. He did not need rap music to prove that he was not here to cause any trouble. All Pat Swilling did was be awesome.

I MADE VAUGHAN JOHNSON AND RICKEY JACKSON SON!

If Andre Tippett climbs the Hill? Then you must fill with Swill!

Andrew!

In which I open my big fat mouth.

The preeminent humor sports blog on the planet can only think of Hines Ward doing “Herro herro me so solly long numbel!” for the Jaguars-Steelers game?

That’s the cutting edge of sports blog comedy? Why is anyone else even bothering? Clearly, there’s no way that you can top the greatest hits of MadTV sensation Bobby Lee.

HEY LOOK, BEN ROTHELISBERGER IS A DRUNKEN IDIOT!

“Now you waitsh just a minutesh there chhanps kind!, I drinks because I amn pain! I amn paaaaaaaain! Now ima howl!”

“AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

“What? You don’t know me! You don’t know Matt Leinarts! I am a super bowl CHAMPION! What arou, faggot?”

“Das what I thought!”

Indeed. I am now as cutting edge as Carlos Mencia. Hand me my accolades and I will move along.

I realized I have an awesome idea for a comparison post.

You see all the cool kids, right?

Monkeys are being tortured because of it.

Fun Facts that really are only half true. (In that they are merely facts).

1. Rosie Colvin is a higly regarded linebacker for the New England Patriots. So you would think his loss would be a hinderance to the Pats, right? Wrong. With Monday’s win, the Pats are 18-1, and have won their last 16 when he has been on injured reserve.
2. Elijah Dukes is on the same team with Dimitri Young. The Dugout comments here.
3. Today is the Redskins only day of practice for the Bears. Classy move by the NFL not to move the game to Saturday. (1-A Colleges aren’t playing, why the hell not?)
4. Our new blogroll friends are apparently Canadian. See. Not a fun fact but indeed a fact.
5. Yes, apparently I did leave Epic Carnival. No, it wasn’t because I rebuffed the whiny Pats fan. It was due to tomfoolery and shenanigans. There was a hilarious pratfall if I do recall correctly. (And me not liking what I wrote. Not to sound pretentious…but I rarely do.) Anyway, I went by the old neighborhood to see what was up, and it seems as if they have gone all Snakes on a Plane on the readers candy asses. This is going to be the greatest trainwreck ever. P.S. I will take my severance in the form of McDonald’s gift certificates.
6. Guiliani and Huckabee have formed an alliance. The fact that they have does not speak well of one Michael Jefferson Huckabee.
7. The Bugs and Cranks threatened each other with ass-sucking? I never knew?

Yeah. Quasi-link dump. I dunno. Tired.

BYE!

LOLOLOLZ IT’S TEH INTERWEBS AND IT’S TOO SOON TO BE NOW!

So we all had our little moment of outrage over Lori Drew driving her neighbor’s daughter to kill herself, right? I mean really. It’s been less then a week, a story like that can’t have any resonance in this 24 hour news cycle, add an s to any singular noun without a plural counterpart, video blogging is the wave of the future world. It’s time to laugh again! 

And aren’t we glad that some enterprising asshole decided that they were going to step in and fill that void? Aren’t we glad that we can still laugh like the unremorseful Mrs. Drew? It’s time for America to heal.  

http://meganhaditcoming.blogspot.com/

Here’s the goddamn problem. We’ve become a nation of “Too Soon?” Seriously. Some child who is having a rough go of it in the real world gets a sick joke played on them by someone who clearly does not have the mental faculty to know that people actually take what’s on the internet as fact. And this asshole calling themselves Kristin makes a troll blog.

I know, part of the problem by linking the thing but still. This is OMG LOL A 13-YEAR OLD KILLED HERSELF, I’M A GONNA CALL HER A BITCH! WATCH! LOOKIT ME I’M JERRY THE KING LOLLER!  

Yeah. Whee. You’re a regular Bill Hicks, aren’t ya? Trolling the internet like a 27 year old Webcam girl for attention and fame.

Yes. You win at the internets. You win because you got me to link to your site like an idiot. You got me because I would be willing to bet that an Evangelical Christian Sized plurality of the internets wish they thought of this first.

(Just because you might not doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Lot of people in this interburg.)

Man, and all I wanted to be pissed off about today was the Brewers potentially giving David Riske four years and 19 million dollars. But you people that think asshole equals funny just had to go and get me riled up.

NERD RAGE! NERD RAGE!

IF: Virginia Tech wins while West Virginia and Missouri lose?

THEN: The BCS will be at it’s most ridiculous ever.

WHY: Two reasons.

1) Georgia and Kansas are ineligible. Why? Because remember when Colorado put up 62 on an Unbeaten Nebraska? Nebraska only dropped to #2. It brought a blight onto the BCS. So now those who don’t win, or play for conference championships, will be ineleigble for the National Championship.

Thus, Frank Solich just screwed the pooch of potentially awesome football.

2) Virginia Tech is #6, LSU is #7. It’s close. But Va. Tech is higher. But Va. Tech’s opponent Boston College is #12 in the BCS. LSU’s opponent Tennessee is #14.

But get this. Remember week 2? LSU 49, Virginia Tech 7? Sure, LSU is not the same team, but that’s another potential jobbing.

2-A) Ohio State would get the other National Championship spot. God, I hate that.

Yeah, sure. They’ll add a plus one game in 2010. But the way this is going, my head hurts. I’m moving on.

I don’t wish to make any unfortunate jokes about gun crimes.

The Baton Rouge Cataclysm.

Because that’s what Arkansas 50, LSU 48 was. It shook the college football world. There are so many things that need to be made mention of this game that I’m going to do that for which I hate and make this in a list form.

1) Kansas, with a win, becomes the best college football team in the country.

• Has the magic of fat guy in a little coat reached its zenith? Mizzou nation certainly hopes so. Also, the Reesing-Daniel match-up becomes just a little more important, but not nearly as fun as the Maclin-Talib whango tango.

2) Tim Tebow’s Heisman Candidacy may be in doubt yet again.

• The mainstream media is lazy and stupid. Darren McFadden had the undivded attention of many voters yesterday. The #1 team in the nation. A usually stout defense. 205 yards rushing, 4 touchdowns (1 passing). If you doubt me, I have two reasons to counteract your counter.
• 1) The last time LSU was #1 a seemingly mediocre team used the wizardry of its All-American candidate to lead their school to a shocking win in a three overtime thriller. This in turn vaulted Andre Woodson to the top of the Heisman pops.
• 2) Darren McFadden is older. No true underclassman has ever won the Heisman trophy. This is essentially a lifetime achievement award. And I know what you’re gonna say. That’s stupid right? Well, scroll up an inch or two.

3) Les Miles has been coaching like he has the Michigan job wrapped up for a while now.

• Nothing really relevant to say here, just spreading opinion and spurious rumor. It is quite fun after all.
• Expecting a Nation of Islam Sportsblog mention of Ryan Perriloux and his Nubian skin any day now.

4) How far does LSU drop?

• If it’s only to four, as some on Fox Sports have said? That would be no bueno. That’s not to say that I don’t like LSU. That’s not even to say that my belief in the SEC being overrated has anything to do with it. (Georgia should be 4th with a win over Georgia Tech.)
• What it is to say is that out of the four or five two loss teams that you would have to consider for the BCS in a disaster scenario (UConn beats West Virginia and Oklahoma beats the winner of KU-Mizzou), LSU is third.
• Though if Andre Woodson can smack Phillip Fullmer’s Sun Tzu quoting impression of Lloyd Carr up and down the field I would not reconsider this stance at a later date.

5) You want a question for down the road?

• How far will Glenn Dorsey slip in the draft?

Yeah. This game was big. It was bad. And quite frankly, it just might lead to another piece of BCS dreck served to you a week after everybody else stopped caring about the NCAA Football.

I mean really. They’re going to jerry-rig a special match-up if Kansas/Mizzou and West Virginia don’t win out. It will not inspire nor electrify.