I know Free Darko may be doing this, but I’m gonna be rolling out with some breakdowns of all the NBA Free Agents. Why? Because I love you damnit.
I’m gonna break it down in a polling style. Top 25 shall we? We shall.
25. Jorge Garbajosa: You want a larger James Posey that you can get for promises of playing time and Sopapillas? Look to Jorge. He may want to be back in Spain, but if you have a third forward hole? You can get threes and D cheaply.
24. Randolph Morris: He’s a projectable 6’11″ guy. If there’s a team willing to teach him? The rewards could be awesome.
23. Chris Andersen: In his negative intangible categories? The Birdman is spectaculawesome. In athleticism and shot blocking he is also spectacular. If he’s chill on court, he’s plus plus.
22. Walter Herreman: Plus plus scorer. He can put the biscuit in the basket from the inside and the outside. But he’s kind of a Ken Phelps All-Star as B-ballers go.
21. Sebastian Telfair/Jannero Pargo: A melange of decent point guardery. Sebastian Telfair is a flashy ballhandler with good scoring skills. He’s on the path to be a rich man’s Rafer Alston if you will. Jannero Pargo is a good shooter with active defenstration skills. Combine these two and you have a super point guard. American Mad Scientists? GET AFTER IT! YOUR GENERAL MANAGERS NEED YOU!
20. Flip Murray: He’s an excellent scorer. He has creativity in putting the ball in the basket. His game is not unique. He’s a bit of the ballhog. He’s not very tough on D either.
19. Delonte West: He’s learned the point, and he’s now more than just a lockdown at the point. I mean, for a 6’2″ dude? He’s a spectacular shotblocker. And now? He’s a decent shooter and a good pro. He’s gonna get an offer to be matched.
18. Louis Williams: On the Monta Ellis career path. A super-athletic undersized two. He’s a mid-range shot away from being a clone.
17. Boobie Gibson: Spectacular shooter. Spectacular tweener. Kind of redundant with Delonte, but combo guards are in vogue. He’s got value. His career shall continue.
16. Andris Biedrins: A high-energy defender who has a nice bit of black hole in his offensive skills. If he’s just on the mid-range game, and if Golden State makes a choice not to return everybody. He can be of solid value.
15. Sasha Vujacic: The Machine is the Machine. But what is the machine? An oversized Euro point guard who can hit the three in bunches. And he’s got playmaking skills and good handles. The machine has heart. But it does not make his defense good, or okay.
14. Bonzi Wells: If he loses weight, he can be spectacular. He can be an undersized four, drain the three, rebound, defend, and pass with awesome. But he’s fat and inconsitent. He’s great with one year contracts.
13. Luol Deng: He’s a Dukie. So he’s got good fundatangible goodness. He has versatility and a midrange game. He’s lanky and he can put the ball on the floor. Can he keep improving? I really couldn’t care less.
12. J.R. Smith: He’s not Josh Smith, and because of that? I will not love him. But long range and to the hole? He’s good. Everywhere else? Not so much. Also, he’s pretty much a dick. So yeah. He can go screw.
11. Beno Udrih: A fundamentally sound 1. He knows his limitations and that’s never such a bad thing. But he’s about to become overpaid. He can be overpowered. He’s not a great playmaker or three-point shooter either.
10. James Posey: He’s gonna be overpaid. But he’s a stopper of a swing man. He’s a great athlete. And he can sink threes. As glue guys go? He is the top of the pops.
9. Corey Maggette: As athletes go, he is one of the best in the game. He can also play with power as well as finesse. High-energy and he can get to the line. He just fouls too much. Also, Fenwick guy!
8. Monta Ellis: As it goes? He’s got a great mid-range game. His athleticism is top-notch. He’s still an undersized two, but he’s the best undersized combo guard around.
7. Ben Gordon: Eric Gordon wishes he could grow up to be Ben. He’s a creative scorer. He’s an explosive scorer. And when he’s on? He’s unstoppable. Undersized and poor defender? Sadly yes.
6. Elton Brand: He’s coming off an achilles issues. He’s undersized rebounding machine and he uses his widebody to defend spectacularly. If he recovers? He could be a 20-10 homeboy ace yet again.
5. Emeka Okafor: A defensive stopper. Blocks and rebounds are his bailiwick. He’s a solid defender at the 4. But he’ll never be an offensive force. Also, Dwight Howard mocks him for his first name.
4. Andre Igoudala: He’s kind of a match-up problem on the perimeter defensively. Good handles, good passing skills. And a slasher. He also provides steals and rebounds. Just don’t ask for jumpers, okay? Okay.
3. Baron Davis: It’s a good move. I know? Leaving 17.6 million dollars on the table seems crazy? But let’s be honest. He’s talented by far on offense. Transition. Scoring. Shooting. Baron is spectacular. But now way in hell he plays 82 games. He gets a big contract and falls off the cliff.
2. Gilbert Arenas: Spectacular scoring point guard. His knee may have forced him to lose a step. He’s improved his playmaking. But he’ll be a better crazy guy than a defender. He could fall of the cliff.
1. Josh Smith: He is the most versatile man in the NBA. He fills up every category on the stat sheet. He can play the point (NOT!). He can play power forward and three positions. Only knock? His handles are shaky. (Long term value is why Josh is #1).
Yeah, is not a draft class of superstars. But it’s got upper echelon and upside. It’s like me. Solid and decent. Some say it’s suck.
But I don’t suck. I’m good. You’re good too.
The Newest Member of the Crooked Hat Society…Gone.