I am a bad interviewer.

But that kind of goes without saying, I’ve interviewed two people. 

But here’s the thing. In addition to my inexperience. I’m also lazy. How so lazy?

Because Mr. Matt Fraction gave me an opportunity to ask some follow up questions and dig deeper. And I did not read into his comments about how he’s worked with nothing but awesome artists as a good segue to go into his earliest work.

Why is your boy being so wistful? Because your boy just read The Annotated Mantooth.

And in this book so many questions popped into my head? Can you take credit for the styilistic influence of Warren Ellis’ Nextwave? How could an aspiring writer make his profanity so creative? Is Ron jeremy the Nikola Tesla of porn? And so much more.

The book is simply beatiful. What if James Bond was a monkey? And what if Ian Fleming was drunk when he wrote it? And while it might be a little more alternative than the tastes of the Average comics fan, getting this graphic novel comes with prose. Awesome purple prose.

I give this book my highest recommendation. Buy it or Zombie Steven Hawking will eat you.

 

11 out of 12!

Hey Spurs Fan?

Yeah, you got screwed. And now they’re going back to LA. I just have three things to say.

1) The fact the NBA referee does not call a consistent game is why they have such a strong conspiracy theory market. Stars don’t foul. You need blood in the 4th quarter to call a foul. Only a 28 power sweep will be called for travelling. If they were more consistent in their calls, stupid shit like this doesn’t happen.

2) Then again, reputation preceeds. And if a referee IS going to eat his whistle, a team with a reputation for hitting the decks at the slightest provocation is going to get jobbed. I know, Fisher mugged him, but do I need to get out a Spur flopping YouTube?

3) Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha. THE NBA DOESN’T LOVE YOU LIKE THEY LOVE KOBE!

Enjoy the Summer,

The Grand National Championships.

Douchebag makes smart political parody.

Hat Tip to The Big Lead

Jerry O’Connell doing something…watchable? What?

This world is coming to an end.

Paid for by Bros before Hoes.

 

I am saddened. The Witticism is not real.

Mr. DrDoombot is a fraud and a phony! And I am so sad.

:(.

He stretched the suspension of disbelief. He went too outlandish! He went too outlandish! It’s like there’s no Christmas.

Hilarious troll. But I wish it was real.

There is a real problem with the Baseball Hall of Fame.

It has no respect for the turn of the century. Really. It’s not just another attempt to start another Jack Glasscock for the Hall of Fame Petition. And 100% Injury Rate is in no way cool like that for leaving me hanging.

But I dug deeper for an abortive article in reference to how Keith Olbermann’s 100 dudes who should be in the Hall of Fame from his SportsCenter Book. (And by the way, Jack Glasscock is #36.) But on Sabermetrics and raw numbers alone, there is a veritable coterie of dudes from the turn of the century who need entry into the Hall.

And is Jack Glasscock your shortstop? Bet your sweet ass he is.

C: Deacon White Now a man who went into the 20th century believing the Earth was flat may be more of a subject of scorn than praise. However, he spent 17 seasons as a dominant player who went from catcher to third base and did not lose an ounce of offense until he hit the age of 41. He finished with a career OPS+ of 127. Name any Hall of Fame Catcher that brought it offensively. The Deacon is worthy in comparison to any of them.
1B: Joe Start. On the surface, his numbers don’t seem that impressive. But when you add in the fact that he didn’t start organized baseball until he was 28, and the National League until he was 34, the fact that he has a Tony Perez level OPS+ means he should have a home in the hall. Also, he had a .960 fielding percentage despite having to barehand every throw. That’s awesome.
2B: Bud Fowler. You aren’t gonna find him on Baseball Reference, but Bud Fowler was the first African-American to play pro baseball. The problem? He debuted in 1878. He was doomed to a periapetic existence, and yet still managed to hit .308 and scored 455 runs and stole 190 bases. He pitched, caught, played second base, and left field. Oh, and he also tried to get the first organized league for African Americans off the ground.
SS: Jack Glasscock. Click on the Tag to find out why.
3B: Ezra Sutton. Third base is the most underrepresented position in the Hall of Fame. There are four of five candidates that deserve election overall. Each one of them kicks Pie Traynor’s ass. But as for Ezra Sutton? Third Base was as much of a physical challenge at that point. Getting a 121 OPS+ is great. Adding a cannon arm to the equation is better. 
LF: George Van Haltren. This pitcher turned outfielder is the highest batting average not to make it into the Hall of Fame (.316). He had excellent power for the 1890’s. He had excellent speed and he is as masterful in terms of OPS as one of his contemporarys in Hugh Duffy. Duffy is in the Hall of Fame.
CF: George Gore. If your OPS+ is stronger than Roberto Clemente or Tony Gwynn, wouldn’t you need an entry into the Hall of Fame? Ol’ Piano Legs was a dominant lead-off man for the Cubs and Giants. He had a spectacular batting eye. A .386 OBP when it took seven balls for a walk? Simply awesome. 
RF: Pete Browning. The Gladiator was the most electrifying player in the turn of the century entertainment. He destroyed the American Association in the 1880’s. In fact, if you consider his personal life, his alcoholism, his mastodis, the fact he lost his father at a young age, it’s amazing that he managed a career .341/.403/.467. Also, he had a crazy go nuts record that will never be broken. 100/100 in RBI’s and steals. (Also he had a 156 OPS+, not Ruthian or Aaronian, but name another right fielder. He will stand and face them. And let me introduce you to Hack Wilson if you want to talk about demons. 
DH: Cupid Childs. Here’s the thing about OBP in the 19th Century. It took 7 to 8 pitches to draw a walk. Ol’ Clarence’s .415 OBP means a lot more than in this day and age. Put it this way? His OPS+ is higher than Ryne Sandberg. Cupid beats the Ryno! 

P: Bob Caruthers. Short career. But if you want to talk about a Pedro Martinez sized level of dominance while he was there. Take out his final season (2-10; 5.84) and he went 216-89 with a 2.72 ERA. Add in 298 complete games and a career 133 OPS+ with his 123 ERA+ He’s at once Stan Coveleski and Fred Clarke. Trust me, they were awesome.
P: Jim Creighton. He may be a little more of a Pecos Bill styled legend. But his story is amazing. The first fastball. The first unassisted triple play. Went an entire season without hitting into an out. All in all? Jim is the first great superstar. And you want to know the twisted part? He hit a long home run and felt something pop. He died that night. He was 21. 
P: Tony Mullane All you have to do is look at his Baseball Reference top ten list. Five of the first six are Hall of Famers. Tony Mullane’s ERA+ is higher than all of them. And yet? Mr. Mullane is getting no love. Shame, damn shame.
P: Sam Leever You all know about the Apollo of the Box (Tony Mullane) and how he’s above and beyond the Hall of Famers on his similarity score list. Sam Leever’s score is higher than Tony’s. By that logic, he obviously deserves a Hall of Fame induction.
P: Bobby Matthews. Look at the facts. Bobby Matthews was the leader in wins for the 19th century. With 297 wins alone, the Veterans committee has to let him in. 297 wins was a great total in any era. In terms of ERA+ he may not be among the best of the best, but he is Red Ruffing level electable.
P: Ed Reulbach For the first five years, he was freaking spectacular. 97-39, 1.72 ERA. He ended up at 182-106 with a 2.28 ERA, but let’s be honest. Big Ed was a disappointment when the calendar struck 1910. But his ERA+ was as dominant as Juan Marichal in 13 seasons. He’d be better regarded than the Iron Man Joe McGinty and Jack Chesboro, his contemporaries, using this metric.

And I even left out a bench. I’m immature and lazy, any Paul Hines fans, I do sincerely apologize.

But now you know. Old school baseball needs love too. Maybe a special style committee, yeah?

Maybe.

Setting Sail for the Fortress of Smooth.

As you all know, we here at The Grand National Championships are huge fans of the Fortress of Smooth that is Yacht Rock. And in between shaming J.D. Ryznar into brevity and telling Curtis Granderson to stay smooth through his May struggles, something has become perfectly clear.

Manuel, I need more gimmick posts!

(NOTE: The rankings are such that they go from above average to awesome. Even if a show’s ranked 10th? It’s still very watchable. So there.)

11. “The Seed Drill” Episode 6

It’s a parody of Episode 1. Decent, but still, it’s note for note on Episode 1. Hollywood Steve’s dad can’t save it.

10. “I’m All Right” Episode 3

I love the Steve Perry cameo. I love get the fuck off my veranda. I love that the 6th stage of grief is rocking out. See. Three great moments and it’s 10th.  

9. “I Keep Forgetting” Episode 7

It’s still pretty good, but the fact of the matter? It starts a trend where Loggins and McDonald become guest stars in their own show. Not to say it’s a bad thing. The actor who portrays Nate Dogg? He snuck in some solid one-liners. Kind of like the real Nate Dogg.

Also, that Dr. Dre pose at the end of the sequence was awesome. I may have underrated this.

8. “What a Fool Believes” Pilot

As a rule, comedy pilots are tough, comedy pilots with a lot of characters are tougher. But it has Hall and Oates. Hall and Oates is awesome.

WHOO! HALL AND OATES!

7. “FM” Episode 10

It’s not a bad episode that ends the initial run. The Eagles are hilarious. But for those of you that come to the Yacht Rock for Loggins and McDonald? You get nothing but guest stardom and another tease for the Danger Zone. But watch the thing, okay?

6. “Gino (The Manager)” Episode 8

If you’re wondering where I got the title for my J.D. Ryznar interview? It comes from here. There are plenty of belly laughs that coalesce from this episode.

5. “Runnin’ With The Devil” Episode 9

Smooth Jesus made me do this.

4. “Rosanna” Episode 4

This episode is another reason why Sarah Silverman is terribly unfunny. Steve Agee is spectacular in this episode as Steve Porcaro. His plot to get Rosanna Arquette to have sex with him is hilarious. Also, the 80’s can suck it. Fuck the 80’s amirite?

3. “Keep the Fire” Episode 2

If only for seven words. Get Your Dick Out of Your Heart. But Portable radio. The best Hall and Oates portrayal. Tragedy. Brawling. Doug Benson as comedy bitch. There are so many reasons to love this episode, and the director’s cut isn’t self indulgent either.

2. “Footloose” Episode 11

Reunions are tricky. You still have the talent. But the rhythms are off. Things sound different. You have a recognizable celebrity cameo. But the fact of the matter is Jimmy Buffett and James Ingram make it spectacular. This episode teaches you about the classic song “Yah Mo B There.” All in all, it’s a classic.

1. “Believe In It” Episode 5

Vincent Price, Michael Jackson, the reunification of Loggins and McDonald. Drilling more cooch than Black and Decker? Koko’s Ghost? Michael Jackson’s creepiness coming from being scared into doing Human Nature? This is my favorite episode. I hope it will be yours too.

Rumor has it that your Mister J.D. Ryznar has an episode 12 coming this Summer. Are you excited?

You better be.

Jay Bruce is The Deal.

And outside of the fact that he’s not taking a spectacular amount of walks (but that’s just nitpicking), he has been nothing more than perfect in Triple A. OPS over 1000 is equal to awe-inspiring.

He will be this years Ryan Braun, in that he’s the leader in the clubhouse for NL Rookie of the Year.

Seriously.

Jay Bruce, Day 1: 3 for 3 with a double, 2 walks, 2 runs scored.

Brewers to sign shrieking hairless man-beast who spawned flesh-eating scorpions from his belly-button every nightfall.

I know that there is a certain sense of McClung within the Milwaukee Brewers organization. But here’s the thing? You don’t need to sign a league average asshole middle reliever to mitigate matters.

His 27th bench clearing brawl.

Having Julian Tavarez on your team is like having Carlos Mencia as your comedy crown jewel.

I’m sad. I will come back with more gayness about the depressing Brewers.

If I had one wish on this Memorial Day…

It’s that the moment where you find yourself in desperate and dire straits, where you have several optiuons, none of them are good, and you have nowhere else to turn?

That’s a McClung.

In honor of Seth. He of Ned Yost’s misguided I’m gonna bean Albert Pujols rampage from 2007. He of the Brian Meadows, Lance Carter, Al Reyes, Tampa Bay Devil Rays closing school. He of the not really bringing anything statistical since his time in the South Atlantic League. He of the uncreative nickname.

I’M A GINGER KID!

Now as a Brewer, he has been worth something as a middle reliever. I’m not saying that the dude has brought the Brewers down with his suck (though bad things did start happenening in August 2007). However? This expiriment is going to be made of Epic Fail. 3 Reasons why.

1. The Scouting Report

Seth McClung is the hardest thrower on the Brewers now that Derrick Turnbow has melted down into Mark Wohlers. (Let the man go, Doug Melvin! It’s a mercy killing now!) Seth McClung also has a tight curveball. But guess what Seth McClung doesn’t have?

If you guessed an off-speed pitch, gold star for you. (Any non-pitch guesses, I’ll just say…yes. You’re right too). But you know what this means? He does not do well the third time around the line-up. Also, vs. left handed hitters.

Oh, and his command is shaky too. For what it’s worth.

2) He’s in a new league.

Even in a baseball as homogenized as its ever been? There is still a certain truth that a league change can be the best thing for the struggling pitcher. Getting pounded in the American League? There’s a home for you in the National. And if you’ve only faced 158 batters? They still don’t know you yet.

And if the team in question that you have success in your first start is your Washington Nationals? I will tell you why that means nothing.

Elijah Dukes is crazy. Dimitri Young is fat and crazy. You can fake Wily Mo Pena into swinging as if he was a Cocker Spaniel playing fetch. Wil Nieves is a career .203 hitter even with his recent run of non-suck. Also, Christian Guzman. And he got to face a pitcher.

I could have gone 3 innings versus with downy soft like that. 

3. HE’S NICKNAMED BIG RED!

I’M NAMED AFTER GUM! WHO WANTS TO TOUCH ME?

For real? McClung could have an 18 month run of dominance as a closer. He has two plus pitches and marginal command. He could be a guy who could go and be a super saver.

But Ned has to have the guy with the shallowest repitoire be a starter.

Really. Move him along now if you aren’t gonna cut bait. That’s the only move you’ve got left.

So, I’m chatting on the Google Talk?

And it turns a well-known sports blogger has never seen an episode of The Simpsons.

I know, right?

I personally think it’s awesome, but that’s just because it’s hard to miss an episode being aired. Also, my tag team partner and I have philosophical discussions in regards to Homer’s Enemy.

(And cryptic message: Until Jon Lester beats Battletoads, he is no Golden God.)