I’m hip! Anyway. Mock drafts? They are kind of a joke. Even the self-avowed draft experts will go 9 for 32 if they’re lucky. But seeing as I can already go 1 for 1…
1. Miami: T-Jake Long Michigan.
I’ve got a feeling….
2. St. Louis: DE-Chris Long Virginia
Really. Just gut instinct.
3. Atlanta: DT-Glenn Dorsey LSU
They can get their pick of the second tier in Round 2. And Defensive Tackle drops off considerably after Sedrick Ellis. Ryan and a Chester McGlockton clone is worse than say Dorsey-Flacco.
4. Oakland: Darren McFadden RB Arkansas
Who’s the best player available? McFadden. I know that with Bush, Fargas, and Rhodes are under contract. I know they have a need for a pass-rusher. But here’s the thing. McFadden is awesome. Al Davis loves awesome upside. Sorry Vernon Gholston fans, you just have to wait…
5. Kansas City: DE Vernon Gholston Ohio State
And here’s the Jared Allen replacement. (Though here’s where Raven fans start to wonder if the team trades up for Matt Ryan.)
6. Baltimore: Matt Ryan QB Boston College (trade with New York Jets)
The Jets would be looking to trade down, and would probably be willing to listen to offer with a 2009 pick. And the Ravens really love Ryan. I mean really.
7. New England Patriots: Leodis McKelvin CB Troy
While the Pats don’t luck into McFadden? They get a replacement for Asante Samuel with Devin Hester skills. Yeah. I’m gonna be sick.
8. New York Jets: Keith Rivers OLB USC
Why? Because they need pieces for the 3-4, and if Calvin Pace is going to be rush end, Rivers is an awesome fit for the Will.
9. Cincinnati: Sedrick Ellis NT USC
The Bengals luck out. Sedrick Ellis comes out and helps shore up the Bengals Defensive Line.
10. New Orelans: Domonique Rodgers-Cromartie CB Tennessee State
If they don’t trade up for Ellis or Dorsey, it looks like they’ll have to shore up the defensive backfield. It’s bad damn luck. After Ellis, it’s a whole lot of defensive tackles with questionable motors.
11. Buffalo: Devin Thomas WR Michigan State
They need an offensive weapon to send out on the fly patterns across from Evans. It’s a reach, but you can absolutely defend it.
12. Denver: Branden Albert G Virginia
The Broncos pick the man that’s been shooting up the draft boards. They’ll shift him to Left Tackle and feel good about themselves for doing it.
13. Carolina: Jeff Otah OT Pittsburgh
The Panthers luck into an awesome right tackle who started to fall back down the draft board. They want a playmaker, but Otah is just a little higher on the draft board.
14. Chicago: Chris Williams T Vanderbilt.
We’ve got a Tackle run! The Bears are in desperate need of a left tackle, and Chris Williams is the perfect fit on this.
15. Detroit: Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois
Tatum Bell may be upset, but the fact of the matter is that Mendenhall has the power to be thunder to Bell’s lightning. They want the best player available? They have to go with Mendenhall.
16. Arizona: Gosder Cherlius OT Boston College
They get disappointed without Mendenhall, but Russ Grimm would find himself an instant-impact right tackle. It’s never a perfect situation, but he’ll be great.
17. Kansas City (from Minnesota): Ryan Clady OT Boise State
If they knew that all of the pass rushers would be available? They wouldn’t be going after Gholston. But Gholston and Clady is a great way to start the rebuilding process for the Chiefs. In my world.
18. Houston: Mike Jenkins CB UCF
They have Dunta Robinson. They love Dunta Robinson, that being said? They need somebody on the other side. Sey hello to Mr. Mike Jenkins.
19. Philadelphia: Derrick Harvey DE Florida
If it breaks this way? They’re screwed. Derrick Harvey is the best player available. He’s just kind of a square peg on this defense. They’ll trade if it breaks like this.
20. Tampa Bay: Joe Flacco QB Delaware
They’re always a quarterback who ends up shooting up the depth charts. And Gruden loves having 27 quarterback options. This is perfect for him. And me. I would love to laugh at Mel Kiper’s head exploding.
21. Washington: Phillip Merling DE Clemson
With Phillip Daniels as old, and Corneilis Griffin hurt, a big base 4-3 end is perfect for the Redskins. Calais Campbell is available, but Phillip Merling has motor and upside. He goes here.
22. Dallas (from Cleveland) Felix Jones RB Arkansas
He’s going to be a spectacular fit as Marion Barber III complement. It’s time to learn to hate the Cowboys again.
23. Pittsburgh: Calais Campbell DE Miami Fla.
They may not like it, but they need to refill their their tranches, and Calais could be a good Defensive end, but he could very easily be a bust.
24. Tennessee: Limas Sweed WR Texas
The stars are bright and big at night as the Titans try for more Vince Young College Familiarity.
25. Seattle: Dustin Keller TE Purdue
I know it looks like a shocker. But the Seahawks need another weapon to go and catch in the red zone, and Dustin Keller vibes as a Chris Cooley clone.
26. Jacksonville: Cliff Avril OLB Purdue
Again. I’m going crazy, but the fact of the matter? The Jags need a Pass rusher and a deep threat. They could probably wait until later to get a deep threat? But Avril is a pass rusher of some aplomb. (Why didn’t I break him down?)
27. San Diego: Brandon Flowers CB Virginia Tech
They’re just looking for best player available that might have to help them. Brandon Flowers is just a bit better of an option than Sam Baker. Of course, they could have the Jon Stewart show emenating from the old Burner Turner studios.
28. Dallas: Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma
I know he slid due to his pro day, but the fact of the matter is Jerry Jones could find him a cheaper version of Anquan Boldin in Kelly. He’ll fit right in to that crazy train.
29. San Fransisco (from Indianapolis): James Hardy WR Indiana
If you want to give Alex Smith all the help he can get? You have to go the man who will go get it if you throw it up. James Hardy’s a perfect fit.
30. Green Bay: Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon
Sam Baker fits a need. Antoine Cason fits a need. The Jon Stewart show is the best player available.
31. I DRINK YOUR CHEATING, BELICHICK!
32. New York Giants: Kenny Phillips S Miami (Fla.)
They need a little more help to cover the deep third. It’s a happy thing for the fans of the U.
Yeah. As I write this, ESPN’s given up the 3 and 4? Maybe if I keep watching, I could get the entire first round. YAY!
