Things I’ve Learned From Opening Day…

Well, that was fun eh? A bitchin’ pitchers duel blown up by a bad day from both closers.

What did we learn today? Let’s find out, shall we?

1) The Brewers have a bullpen problem.

Well, not officially, but the skittishness of the Brewers fan in regards to the late innings has gone from about a 5 to an 8. Sure, Eric Gagne was able to circle the wagons after the Fukudome homer, but the fact that this is coming off of a transcendant collapse in Boston. And all this for 10 million dollars? Sweet!

BIG DEAL! I’M RICH!

2) Conversely, Lou Pinella may have to choke a bitch.

Spring training statistics mean nothing. Nothing. Now I’m not going to say that Kerry Wood is going to suck this year. I’m not going to say Carlos Marmol will be the aid that the Cubs need. And Bobby Howry may yet tone and tighten his statistics. But on this day? Kerry Wood got rocked with the game on the line. Put the Cubs bullpen anxiety at about a 3.

3) Kosuke Fukudome will be larger in Chicago than the Second City Comedy Troupe.

In fact, Saturday Night Live is scouting him to join the cast this fall. 

His Obama Impersonation will save face for the once proud Saturday Night Live Franchise.

4) Corey Hart is going to have a breakout season.

It’s as if I just hurt my arm in regards to patting myself on the back. Yeah, who called it? We did it!

WE LET THE DOGS OUT!

5) Jason Kendall is going to have to be this good defensively every day for me not to say he sucks.

I DO SAY GOOD SIR, YOU ARE RATHER AWFUL!