YIFF IN HELL!! I HATE FURRIES! Or..I had no idea marketers wanted to corner the Furry demographic!

I had no idea that orangina wanted to corner the FURRY market.  I hate them more than Lucifer hates bible camps.

ELVI1

I know it’s easy to Rip on ESPN.

It’s ever present ubiquitousness and slavish catering to the casual fan means they are the dome that covers the Sports fans Springfield. It happens, we all have taken a shot or two at them. We all will again.

And the big brouhaha in recent days was about ESPN Anchor Dana Jacobson and her comments at the Mike and Mike celebrity roast. After the anger died down in regards to the Catholic League and their protesting, Sports by Brooks reported that they pulled all coverage regarding to the matter. A shameful move, to be sure. But not at all surprising.

Back in October, a scandal broke in regards to Absolute Poker, one of the many online poker concerns. It seems as if that Absolute (AP for short), had some users that were able to make some really odd moves. They could play for 20 minutes without folding one hand, and then they would fold queens. They were playing poker in a zone. The problem?

Nobody can play perfect poker for an entire tournament or an entire cash game session. You will make misreads. You will fold to a bluffer. You are human. You screw up.

Players like POTRIPPER? They weren’t screwing up.

Why? Because they saw all. From IP addresses to hole cards. They knew exactly how to play every hand because they had perfect information. And here’s the kicker.

Absolute Poker knew about everything. Every last thing. And they covered it up. Why? Because a part-owner, Scott Tom, was in on the whole thing.

Here’s where it gets interesting.

Gary Wise is an online poker reporter for ESPN. He is also the proprietor of the poker blog Wise Hand Poker. He’s a well-regarded name within the poker industry. It only makes sense that a story that big in the poker world would be given the depth and breadth from Mr. Wise.

Only problem? The Worldwide Leader killed it.

• I can’t say i’m all that happy about it myself. Because I named names, questioned the validity of AP statements and was unable to get sources from within the company to confirm (Nat and Serge were very helpful with providing information, but espn doesn’t consider them official sources on AP goings-on) ESPN has some understandable concerns with legal issues. That leaves me a) wanting to remain loyal to my employers and for the article to get the exposure only they can provide, or b) wanting to post it somewhere else.” 

Now here is why ESPN’s “legal concerns” are nothing more than a spurious claim. If you have ever seen a poker match on the ESPN family of networks, you might have noticed the pretty girl shilling for a poker site.

Indeed. Absolute Poker advertises heavily on the worldwide leader. We all know that if someone who brings ESPN lots of money is unhappy with ESPN programming, they will roll over. But the NFL does not try to defraud those that want to participate in its activities. It does not defraud those that pay money in to the league.

Absolute Poker has done that. It’s a proven fact. ESPN is helping out a company that’s taking money out of your pocket. People have a right to know the entire story.

ESPN needs to disclose everything.

You know what I love?

Bill Clinton doing nothing more than going racial. After all, nothing engenders the white suburban voter to the African-American candidate than the mention of Jesse Jackson.

See, I don’t mind campaigning for a spouse. Everyone does it. Some do it with a deft touch and a graceful poetry (pick a Republican First Lady, we like them). Some do it like a blunt instrument. I was unhappy that the biggest and most popular name was doing it as such.

But when a man whom some have called the First Black President decides to use the lowest common denominator to basically say that only Black People can win in South Carolina. That is just sad. Having to use tactics of the lowest common denominator to attempt to marginalize a candidate is not something a right thinking party should do.

It didn’t work here, but the fact of the matter is it still may yet get Hillary the nomination.

And I still may vote for JaMarcus Russell’s Cosby Sweater. 

Jesus is not clutch. Fuck Jesus.

One of my two posts that I liked on Epic Carnival dealt mostly with how the religiosity of the Colorado Rockies and how that intermeshed with my general dislike of Boston dudes who like sports. I was not happy when there was no strike to cancel the World Series. But the Rockies did not get the duke. It happens.

But then some of you might remember how Jon Kitna, one of the most pious men in all of professional football, predicted a 10 win season and a playoff berth. And it all started off all sweetness and light. The Lions were 6-1. They could bat .350 the rest of the way and still reach the promised land. Jon Kitna was proving himself a prophet.

But then the Lions could only manage one win the rest of the way. A city in desperate need of hope in the midst of a near crippling depression needed some love from its football team. It was dashed on the concrete like such ripe fruit. The team, to rebuild for the googoplex of umpteenth times.

And then, there’s this story, that I (a week late) just found. It seems as if the Packers Defensive Lineman Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila went to the OTA’s and distributed 300 DVD’s to everybody for a little indie movie written by two pastor brothers in Georgia. The title? Facing the Giants.

It’s about a perenially losing high-school football team that overcomes the odds through faith and in the end (spoiler alert!) beats the local powerhouse. Now in the NFL, perenial means two consecutive seasons at .500 or below, so KGB felt this message would resonate. But now he came around before the Giants game and said “God, I feel like, in a crazy way is vindicating me. I’m kind of excited.”

KGB believed that God would take the Packers to the Super Bowl. KGB believed the miracle would not end before the most hyped super bowl of all time. KGB saw Lawrence Tynes miss two field goals. KGB saw the Packers win the toss.

KGB saw Brett throw a bad interception.  KGB saw Lawrence Tynes finally, finally sink a field goal to get the Giants to the Super Bowl. But you know what? All these failures weren’t the faults of the athletes.

PURPLE OR ANY OTHER COLOR, THEY CANNOT PLAY LATE SEASON!

Jesus can only get you so far. Jesus is a miracle worker. But you want to know about the point of fact? The point of fact is that the ride does not matter if it stops short.

Jesus comes up short when the game is on the line. Jesus will not drain the three with 0.3 seconds on the clock. Jesus will strike out with runners on base.

All in all, David Berkowitz is right. Jesus is a dog.

YEAH! TAKE THAT LaDAINIAN JESUS!

I have been struggling to come up with something today.

We have a giant breakdown for Monday, but right now, I am a little bit writers blocked.

So, we will bring back an old favorite from the days when we were only marginally popular, instead of now. When we’re struggling to come up with things to write about.

Aussie Open Finalist Novak Djokovic. Soul Singer Extraordinaire.

SPORTS!

Hmm. I do not know what to say.

I will rise from this death in time.

There’s a starman waiting in the sky after all.

Every substitute teacher has a day like this.

Yesterday was mine.

And it’s too hot for the Blogfrica. A desperate writer makes mistakes. At present, I am a desperate man. I am thinking of taking three days off and making a Christlike return.

Go Space Cat Jinkies!

You know what?

Stephen A. Smith is a cartoon character.

I have no real reason to care about him one way or the other. He’s a hypocrite, sure. But the fact of the matter is, we’re all hypocrites.

If CNN was smart, they would take his appearances on Hardball and parlay that into a fast and easy way to take Glenn Beck behind the woodshed and cancel him.

You don’t think he knows Politics?

QUITE FRANKLY, BOMBAST IN PUNDITRY IS ALL YOU NEED!

He’d be the moderate success that Headline News needs.

So, you remember when I posed the question about who was more adorable?

Peja Drobjnak or first graders?

I will now declare my undying support for the adorablility of Peja Drobjnak.

More to come. Suffice it to say I now have my subsitute teacher bonafides.

I subbed for someone who is a dead ringer for Kenneth on 30 Rock.

It was an average day.

I WILL BE BACK LATER.