This is really quite simple. I am going to review a few of Hollywood’s greatest movies. Why? because I believe that besides
Gene Shalit, today’s movie critics are sell-outs.
In The Army Now
What happens when a slacker joins a group that must travel world-wide. Pauly Shore gives an oscar worthy portrayal of a slacker in,”In The Army Now!” Viewing this movie will leave one in a metaphysical crisis. The viewer will no longer know what smell a strawberry is or if walking will lead them to funions and a slurpee. This life-altering picture will shape a generation to come.
Ladybugs
With so many causes how does one support only one? This is the paradox a young Jonathan Brandis faces in “Ladybugs” Being a male soccer phenom is spectactular. However, when your drunk father has to coach a female soccer team that is in last place, there is only one option. The genderbending Brandis becomes an exceptional female soccer player named “Martha”. This raises numerous gender defining and transgender questions. Can a man really be better than a woman if said male is tucking in his junk? All these questions and more are answered in Rodney Dangerfields uplifting story.
Blank Check
One must gamble when they stumble upon a blank check. This is the crux of the epic Disney movie,”Blank Check” When that gamble pays off there is only one clear option for a preteen to do. The addition of a waterslide to the third story of the house is a metaphor that stands true to this day. We all fall fast and wet.
Heavyweights
Upon closer examination of the cinematic masterpiece,”Heavyweights”, one can deduce that a class struggle is ongoing. The eternal struggle of the proletariat (The Fat Kid Camp) and their enemies across the lake the bourgeouise ( The Rich Kids) is endless. Thankfully with the intervention of a dirtbike and various traps do the proletariat triumph. Karl Marx would be proud.
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey
Even though there are Orwellian elements in “Homeward Bound: An Incredible Journey”, the fact that both dogs and the cat easily forgive their human overlords for leaving them stranded 1000 miles away, is proof positive that you never slander the hand that feeds.
I will be taking requests from readers on what movies to review next time.
ELVI!
I was laughing my ass off at how ridiculous these movies are, but then I got to Heavyweights and experienced some very fond memories of a movie that I love (yeah I said it)…remember Ben-Stiller as the camp-leader tyrant? Good times… :-)
Comment by romi41 — January 14, 2008 @ 9:49 pm |
There is nothing wrong with being in love with Heavyweights. It was a glorious movie that fully encompassed it’s time period. A time when Keenan Thompson and Ben Stiller were still humorous at periods. A time when a young Judd Apatow had just gotten one of his first screenplays greenlit. Also, a time when it was still cool to have a basic plot about fat kids triumphing over snobbish rich skinny kids. Life was grand in the early 90’s.
ELVI!
Comment by Elvi Patterson! — January 15, 2008 @ 11:24 pm |
I must say Heavyweights is one of the better movies of its era and it was so extremely under-rated. Stiller was rad in this movie!
Comment by Fat Camper — May 27, 2008 @ 2:55 pm |