HEISMAN FANTASTIC HAPPY AVATAR WISH TIME!
The reason for the delay? I have “Day Man” running through my head.
Well, here we are. It’s way too fucking Early Tuesday. And I know and you know what you’re here for. Heisman Trophy Avatars. Because damn the law of diminishing returns, we want to show that Tim Tebow picture again.
And we will. Count on it.
But first…we must have a comparison point. So get your heart out of your dick, as we bring the Heisman Trophy to the town of…
To the town of…
Jeezy Creezy, are we out of ideas? The smooth grooves of Punch-Out, Mario Bros., Venture Brothers, and Punk Rock are the end. Weak! Weak sauce!
All right…
False start, against the offense. Five yards, repeat first down. See also.
Oh…okay. I got it.
In this world, football is like news. Football is on the newstalk radio.
Heh. NewsRadio Avatars.
LET’S DO THIS!
ANDRE WOODSON is JIMMY JAMES
He is the captain of this ship. He is the man who is able to control crazy amounts of money by the sheer force of his awesome. While, we don’t know if mister Woodson has the affinity for Cougars like our hero Mister James, we do know that he is piloting the HMS Bad Boy over the Heisman straits. He’s awesome.
DARREN McFADDEN is DAVE NELSON
This was supposed to be a big star turn, but he found himself in an untenable situation. The athletic director’s a diva, the team barely tolerates him, and he is stuck on a sinking ship. He was supposed to be the star. He was supposed to win the Heisman. All he has now? Celebrity poker.
DENNIS DIXON is JOE GARELLI
The fact of the matter is, he is a quarterback that uses all resources to their peak efficency. He is a bit of a dick, but his skills are undeniable. He can roll to the Heisman. Does he lose efficency at the next level? Where’s Joe Garelli now, hmm?
Fighting for truth and justice! That’s where!
TIM TEBOW is JOHNNY JOHNSON
More accurate than you would ever fathom, still waters run deep for both. Tim Tebow is a dominant force in sports entertainment. Johnny Johnson is a dominant force in evil business. They both outclass their rivals, but can they bring them down? Maybe. I don’t know. I suck at projection.
MATT RYAN is LISA MILLER
Benetah the hype you have a neurotic underachiever whom would ultimately disappoint. The talent is there, but there’s a reason they aren’t at a larger pond. Matt Ryan better find a niche soon, otherwise he’s going to be working as a doctor in a shitty Chicago hospital. And nobody wants that.
COLT BRENNAN is BETH
Fun and flirty, this pair is untimately all about the superficial. Colt Brennan racks up TD’s like Beth racks up c-razy costumes. But the fact of the matter is? There’s a reason Jimmy James kind of took Beth under his wing.
That’s it. I have ranked your Heisman candidates. No Bill McNeal (nobody’s head and shoulders above the rest?) No Matthew Brock (I wouldn’t wish that on anybody I hate) And Ray Rice is Catherine Duke.
Who?
Someone overshadowed by a douchebag…
*Put’s on sunglasses*
Overactor.
Andre Woodson IS MACHO BUSINESS DONKEY WRESTLER!
Comment by Elvi Patterson! — October 19, 2007 @ 8:31 pm
[...] Rich Gannon without having to wait for a decade to become the superstar. With a better arm. That would be a good hope for The HMS Bad Boy. [...]
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