The Grand National Championships

October 16, 2007

I took a meeting with a hack producer.

How do I know he’s hack? His production company is not in the Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan Area. But it’s not as if he didn’t have money. It’s just that he didn’t have enough money for my brilliant treatment.

What could be so brilliant? Oh, how about a little thing called the Gilbert Arenas Halo Controversy!

(Shut up.)

MASTER CHEAT

What IF? A dominant, flaky, closer DILBERT ARENAS gets Shanghai’ed into a military campaign by a Faceless Military man and the pretty computer lady that lives in his head based on his video game skills.

It’s your basic SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF meets THE LAST STARFIGHTER.

After taking out the Colorado Rockies on nine pitchers, our hero Dilbert sweet talks the local media. And after a successful twenty minutes of framing his image, the only people whom are left are a rifle wielding solidier with a faceplate covering his face. He calls himself “THE DUKE,” and in his head is the voice of a girl, she calls herself CORDELIA. And since Dilbert is the greatest player at their game ANGELSTORM EXTREME, they are asking for his help to finish the fight.


DILBERT: OH SNAP!

Suffice it to say, Dilbert demures. But The Duke? He insists.


THE DUKE: I INSIST! BOOM!

Dilbert takes a rifle smash to the face, and when next he wakes up? He’s getting briefed for battle. And he gets sent into battle. And put it this way? It doesn’t work out near the way Dilbert thought it would.


QUITE FRANKLY, IT WAS AN ABJECT DISASTER!

Dilbert survives by running, but he gets thrown into space jail. That’s where he runs into Cordelia. And after a tasteful sex scene and a rocking montage, Dilbert’s ready to finish the fight. He learns something about not using shortcuts to get to the top…and maybe a little something about himself?


LET MY VA-JAY-JAY HEAL YOUR ACHING SOUL…

WHERE?: New Shea Stadium and OUTER SPACE…SPace…space…

WHY?: Because it would be awesome! Baseball, cheating, sex and violence. It is the quinessential All-american film.

It’s the movie that will heal this nation.

Oh, and the lady from Transformers is attached as CORDELIA

———-

Yeah. It would have made three hundred million dollars too. I have no clue how they passed. They offered me ten dollars to never come back.

I asked for twenty. I got nothing.

I could have had Chinese food at the buffet that’s a front for a cult.

I am sad now.

YAY!

About these ads

3 Comments »

  1. EL O EL!!! Im in urr base stealin urr Nooobs! You get pwned bi*chas!

    Comment by Elvi Patterson! — October 16, 2007 @ 8:55 pm |Reply

  2. I’ve got the flag… who’s driving the Warthog?

    Comment by More Credible — October 17, 2007 @ 12:15 pm |Reply

  3. [...] So do you all remeber when I took a meeting with the Hack Producer? Filed under: *Sanjaya Wipe*, Analysisesims!, DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNH!, EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT!, Funny! Not Funny!, GAAAAAA-AAAAAY!!!, George Michael Hype Machine, Hecklings!, Hungry like the wolf, I’m Not Ready For The Football! — by Andrew @ 4:04 pm Tags: Andrew Rosin is reaching for the stars!, Morena Baccarin, Pitchfest! It was delightful. [...]

    Pingback by So do you all remeber when I took a meeting with the Hack Producer? « The Grand National Championships — December 16, 2007 @ 4:04 pm |Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Toni Theme. Blog at WordPress.com.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: