1. While in prison, Micheal Vick must convert to the Nation Of Islam. His new name will be Kareem Ali Shabazz!
2. On his last day in office, Dick Cheney will take off his mask and reveal his true identity. Steve Guttenburg!!
3. Bea Arthur will star on broadway and Pay-Per-View in the x-rated version of the Vagina Monologues.
4.Valtrex will unveil it’s new advertising campaign with their new “IT” couple: Micheal Vick and Jessica Alba!
5. Mark Cuban will buy The Chicago Cubs. The first day of his new ownership during the 7th inning stretch Will Ferrell and Zombie Harry Caray will sing,”Take Me Out To The Ballgame!” (Let’s get some runs!!!)
6. I will purchase bamboo tiles for my floor. Upon installation I will learn that I have Panda’s living in the crawlspace.
7. Jim Varney will win an Lifetime Achievement award at the oscars for his timeless character Ernest P. Worell!
What’s in the box?! F*&king Awesome is in the BOX!
8. My christmas will be awesome. I will get a Harry Caray Cubs Jersey, 3 kegs of Shiner Boch (which will be empty in one week), and a taxidermed albino LEMUR!!
9. I will go to Vegas next year and live my life long dream. Becoming Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Also, my hooker will be Elizabeth Shue (she needs work!)
10. I will go to a wedding and while the bride and groom are getting into their limo to go to the reception there will be a clown car on fire. It will be the greatest indicator of a couple’s staying power since botox and viagra!.
Spread it like the plague.
Elvi!
Brilliant!
Comment by Louis James — August 29, 2007 @ 4:46 pm |
Hilarious. Loved it all, but especially Michael Vick converting to Islam. Of course he will. He will be referred to as “The quarterback formerly known as Michael Vick.” I’d like to hear Madden rattle that off during games.
Comment by abarclay12 — August 30, 2007 @ 11:30 am |
[...] I understand that we are all sinners in the land of Blogfrica. But when you sin, you’ve got to bring more to the table. I mean, look at that post? It has a Panda on a slide. You can hate the list. You can hate us for subjecting you to it. [...]
Pingback by Seriously, I’m a perfectionist. « The Grand National Championships — October 26, 2007 @ 4:03 am |