I have found a way for Bud Selig to save Major League Baseball.

This is Bud Selig.  This is the face of erectile dysfunction.  Not really, but being the commissioner during the “Steroid Era” should automatically get you a lifetime supply of Cialis and Viagra (FOLKS!).   

This commish’s league is in turmoil.  Rampant allegations of steroid usage by some of the league’s biggest stars.  Barry Bonds has just broken Hank Aaron’s home run record under a cloud of suspicion and doubt if he did it legitamately.

There is a way that Bud Selig can make America and the world forget that baseball is a pasttime filled with pills and needles.  That way is simple.

CONSPIRE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE CHICAGO CUBS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!

The Chicago Cubs are baseball’s Washington Generals.  It’s been nearly 100 years since we last won the World Series.  People love us because we are lovable losers.  Bud Selig needs to take note.  Last year the feel good story of the year was the New Orleans Saints.  Much like the greatest movie of all time,”The Adventures of Milo and Otis” the Saints came from nothing to nearly winning everything until they were defeated by the Chicago Bears. 

Mr. Selig, as a man who wants to restore the integrity of baseball you need to ensure that the Cubs win the World Series.  This country wants a loser who becomes a winner and the Cubs are the best losers who are winners deep down inside. 

 Besides, don’t you want to see pretty girls doing stuff wearing Cubs gear?  Yea, I thought so.

 

ELVI!

Thanks to Andrew Sikora and SoCal Sports Fan for the pictures!!